Blood Pride
by Howling Armadillo
Summary: When Karkat Vantas decides to flee the Alternian Empire, he finds his friends more than willing to escape with him. But their flight goes horribly wrong when they crash land on Earth. Now, with government agent Scratch and his agency the Felt on their tails, a group of twelve trolls must now flee their pursuers, gather their friends together, and escape Earth before it's too late.
1. Mutant

People familiar with AO3 might recognize this one, since it's been finished there for a little over a year now. I figured I might as well branch things out a bit and get it on a different site. Will probably post the whole fic gradually, along with some of my original author notes.

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Your name is Karkat Vantas. And you have completely, totally, and irredeemably fucked up. You sit at the bridge of a small vessel, hurtling towards a planet you've never seen or heard of. Your friend was piloting the ship, but due to an unexpected incident with an imperial scouterrorizer ship, your consoles have leaked mind honey all over the bridge. Including into your pilot's mouth. And as Sollux Captor has often stated: "YOU MUST NEVER EAT THE MIND HONEY!"

In other words, things have gone completely to shit. Eridan Ampora has messaged you to report the propulsion systems are on fire. Gamzee Makara and Tavros Nitram are in the kitchen, where everything is reportedly "upside down and backwards and all over the mother fucking place." Nepeta Leijon is sitting at navigation staring at the ground growing closer and hissing, which is almost as unhelpful as Equius Zahaak, who has decided to abandon all repair work to protect his moirail. Terezi Pyrope on the other hand is just standing at the front of the forward visual opening cackling like the crazed maniac she is. Feferi Peixes and Kanaya Maryam are at least staying out of the way and quiet as can be expected, but they aren't remotely qualified to help under the circumstances. Vriska Serket has been ranting about mutiny, and pirates, and jumping overboard, but that doesn't mean much since your ship has no escape pods.

Aradia Megido and Sollux Captor are the only people on your ship who are doing anything to help, trying to slow the ship before it crashes into the ground and fries them all. But it won't last forever. You can see Sollux losing his control as the mind honey begins to take effect, and the strain this places on Aradia's psionics is becoming increasingly evident. Once Sollux succumbs to the mind honey completely you don't know what will happen, but you do know Aradia's powers will be the only thing keeping you from fiery painful death.

No offense to Aradia, but you and your friends are fucking doomed.

This becomes all the more evident when your ship lands on top of a native flying transport vehicle, and Terezi vanishes from your view in a sudden burst of smoke and fire. She's screaming now, no laughter to be heard. You find that the stream of curses you've been muttering under your breath for the past half an hour has graduated in volume to a raging roar.

You have no idea how long you've been yelling for, but the look of terror Nepeta is giving you is enough to snap you out of it. Right. You were the one who decided to make this shitty expedition in the first place. You are the Leader. It is you. Time to fucking act like it.

The smoke clears as air whips through the hole in the front of your ship, and you see Terezi is now clinging to a railing, somehow not dead despite being in the front row seat of the impact. The effect psionics are having on your descent is becoming increasingly clear as you see the vehicle you hit rapidly growing further from you.

Scanning the land far below, you see a large body of water growing larger by the second, not far from your position. "ARADIA! SOLLUX! IF WE DON'T WANT TO BE TURNED INTO FUCKING GRUB SAUCE, WE'RE GONNA NEED TO LAND IN THAT AREA!" You gesticulate wildly, glaring at them to make sure they get the message.

Aradia nods grimly, sweat gleaming on her brow as she concentrates. "I'll need to save my power and pull us up at the last second." She replies, her normally cheerful face beginning to darken as her rusty blood rushes to her head. "If we just land in the water we'll be crushed all the same."

"FUCKING DO IT THEN!" You say with a nod. It's a fighting chance, and you'll take it. "SOLLUX, KEEP US STEADY, WE CAN'T LAND THIS PIECE OF SHIT IF WE'RE CAUGHT IN A SPIN!"

Sollux responds by screaming and going limp. Fuck. Your chances just dropped a great deal. You drag yourself up to the pilot's seat, and unhook Sollux from the system. No use having a pilot at the helm if he can't be bothered to stay conscious. You look back at the ground in a panic; you're almost out of time and Aradia can't lift the whole ship on her own.

You try not to lose your shit again as you rip the paneling of the helm apart and grab the manual controls. Amazingly enough, the primitive controls are actually helping, and your frantic hands are slick with sweat as you try to steer the ship towards the body of water in front of you. As unlikely as it seems, you think you are going to survive this after all.

Of course fate decides that this isn't likely to happen. Sollux screams again and releases the full power of the mind honey. The air crackles with electricity. Your hair stands on end. To the left you see Equius grab Nepeta and drag them both low to the floor, as if that would help against such powerful psionics. You brace yourself as Sollux's entire body begins to spark, and decides that vaporization is not a terrible way to die. But the twin blasts of blue and red energy don't fly at you. They don't fly at Equius and Nepeta either.

They hit Aradia, unable to move for fear of losing her hold over the ship. You are left with no choice but to watch as she glances at you in terror. She doesn't have time to scream. She just disappears in a flash. Not so much as a scrap of fabric left of her. Only her frightened gaze remains, burned into your minds eye as you scream in horror.

You have to struggle to tear your eyes back towards the front and away from the place Aradia just died. You face forward, prepared to die, now that Aradia's psionics are no longer there to keep you on track. To your left, you note Nepeta screaming and trying to crawl towards where Aradia just was. Equius holds her back; tears streaming down his face from behind cracked sunglasses. This momentarily surprises you; you had no idea that the sweaty asshole cared about anyone lower than green on the hemospectrum.

It suddenly occurs to you that your ship has not plummeted into the ground, despite the psionics there to hold it up. Sollux is clearly not responsible, still screaming and thrashing behind you as the rest of the mind honey he ingested burns itself off in a steady crackle of sparks. It seems like the ship has finally stopped being a piece of shit.

Then the bottom of the ship hits the water, and nope, the ship is still fucking terrible. It throws you away from the controls as your speed swiftly drops from the water resistance. You fall to the ground, sliding next to Terezi, who has reverted back to insane cackling again. Crazy bitch. You scrabble for a handhold as you try to regain the air that was knocked from your lungs. And you watch in terror as the opposite shore of the body of water rushes at you.

You see a line of trees rush at you, feel something heavy hit you around the waist, and black out.

When you regain consciousness, you hear coughing and groaning as people get their bearings. You figure you can't have been knocked out for more than a few minutes, but without being able to recognize the constellations in the sky you have no idea how to identify the time passed. There is a flickering orange glow to your right, and you realize the ship is no longer moving. It is also on fire, and you scramble to your knees and call for everyone.

To your surprise, Sollux is right next to you, though he remains unconscious. Terezi is sitting right beside him, clutching her head and groaning. A sharp hiss comes from behind you, and you turn to see Nepeta has just pulled a shard of metal from Equius' shoulder.

"Come on Equiuuus, it wasn't that big!" She says playfully. You're relieved to see that she at least looks unscathed. She glances over and notices your expression, smiling and waving the shard, scattering indigo drops of blood. "I am purrfectly fine, Karkitty!" She says with a grin. "Equius grabbed me furst, so I was the most well protected!"

The meaning behind her use of 'first' is not lost on you. "You saved us, Equius?" It feels odd, talking to him so casually, but you don't even have the energy to be uncomfortable around him anymore.

Equius looks over at you and allows himself a slight smirk. "With so many low bloods at the bridge, I knew that the only way you feeble wrigglers would survive is if somebody STRONG like myself intervened to protect you. Consider yourselves lucky."

You're about to unleash the most scathing retort your limited energy can come up with, when Terezi suddenly perks up and finally speaks for the first time since before your encounter with the enemy vessel. "Somebody's coming."

You turn to see Feferi and Eridan clamber onto the bridge, both singed, but still very much alive. A small part of you feels satisfaction when you notice that Eridan's cape has been completely burned off. You choose to remain silent however.

"Oh thank cod you're all alive!" Feferi cries out with a grin as she sees you all assembled. "Kanaya is bringing Vriska out, but I bereef she should be here shortly."

"Holy fuck Feferi, this is not the time for fish puns." You groan as she just sticks her tongue out at you and let's out a glub in defiance, but thankfully becomes quiet.

Eridan on the other hand is acting as haughty and imperious as ever, despite his stutter. "What the fuck was that, Karkat?" He snarls, "What happened up here? This glubbing ship is never going to get off the ground after that crash! The fuck was our pilot doing?"

"Don't even fucking start with me, Ampora." Sollux mutters, as he lays on the ground unmoving. You definitely don't shriek in surprise that he is now conscious. That is totally not a thing that happens.

"Indeed, I do not feel like auspisticizing between the two of you right now." A voice rings out, and you turn to see Kanaya gracefully stride onto the bridge, holding a bleeding Vriska in her arms and somehow not getting cerulean anywhere on her clothes.

"Yeah right, Kanaya. We aaaaaaaall know you always feel like getting conciliatory." Vriska drawls from Kanaya's arms. Closer inspection reveals that both Vriska's left eye and arm are now missing, but with how she's going on, you figure the homicidal bitch will be fine without your worrying.

You turn to face the back again as the last two trolls enter. Gamzee is notably distraught, which you note is unusual for him. He usually doesn't give much of a damn about anything but getting his slime pies. Then you notice Tavros is draped over his shoulder and understand.

"Yo Karbro, Tavbro here got hit right in the back by the motherfucking table, and now he won't wake up." You stumble over in worry, but are relieved to find he's still breathing steadily.

"It should be fucking fine Gamzee, just wait for him to snap out of it." You say with a small smile. It's not much, but it still reassures Gamzee enough to calm him down a bit, and he lays Tavros carefully next to Sollux. Then he straightens up and looks around.

"So, where the motherfuck is Aradisis?" he says in confusion as he tries to focus enough to count heads. You see Nepeta stiffen up, almost twisting as she pulls another piece of shrapnel from Equius' back. Equius noticeably slumps as everyone looks around in confusion.

Sollux sits up at that, his lisp grating on your ears as he cries out in shock. "What? She isn't here? What the fuck happened Karkat?"

You try to put it into words, but find yourself unable to describe the morbid scene from before. Finally, you settle for staring at Sollux sadly, and saying "You must never eat the mind honey."

Sollux reels at this, and the group begins to cry out in alarm and distress, but they fall silent when Terezi jumps to her feet and cries out: "They're here!"

It's only as a noisy flying scouting vehicle shines a spotlight into the hole in the bridge that you realize how sticky you hair feels. There is a stunned gasp from behind you, and you turn to face Feferi, a sinking feeling in your gut. She's staring at your now fully illuminated face in shock. You run a hand over your face and pull it away, staring at it in horror. It's a sticky, candy colored red.

Eridan jumps back. Vriska recoils, but finds herself unable to move, as Kanaya has simply frozen in surprise. Gamzee and Nepeta merely look confused. Equius looks outraged.

But it's Terezi's reaction that really hits you, because she doesn't react much at all. She simply cocks her head and asks everyone: "What's going on? What happened? It's too dark here, I can't see a thing!"

All eyes follow yours to Terezi's face, and you recoil in horror at the sight of her face. Her eyes have been scorched bright red from the crash, her eyes peppered with shards of glass. Teal blood is dripping from her face. She notes the silence as everyone takes in your blood and her blindness, and says in understanding "it's not dark in here at all. Well that's hardly fair."

"Hey, Karkitty, why does your blood look like that?" Nepeta's voice startles you, and you turn to see she's crept up next to you while you were distracted by Terezi. Right. Your freak blood color was just outed to everyone. That still needs dealing with.

Equius seems to agree. He seems as surprised at Nepeta's sneaking about as you are, and he swiftly, but gently grabs her by the collar and hauls her away. He looks over at you, and the expression on his face terrifies you. His glasses have been lost in the confusion. His one unbroken horn has been lowered to face you, and his face displays just cold, unfeeling, emptiness. You know Equius to be rigidly devoted to the hemospectrum, and his face displays all of the apathy one would expect towards something that isn't meant to exist. He could kill you right now quite easily. All he'd have to do is run at you and you'd be dead before you could say strongjump.

A canister lands in the middle of your group before he can enact alternian law, however. Everyone stares at it for a brief second, trying to identify it. The canister explodes in a cloud of gas before anybody has time to react. One by one your group drops to the ground, unconscious. The last one you see fall is Equius, who still tries to stagger towards you.

"This is all your doing, mutant." He spits out as he wobbles towards you. "I will see you pay for this. If not for you, Nepeta would never…" He fails to finish his statement, collapsing to the ground beside you.

The last thing that goes through your head before you finally succumb to the gas is that Equius is completely and totally right.


	2. Under Protection

Your name is Nepeta Leijon, and you're still trying to figure out exactly what happened. You are sitting in a white room with all of your friends, but you have no idea how you got here. You've only just woken up, and the room seems to be in complete chaos.

To your relief, most of your friends have woken up already, and there is a bed in the room for each of them. Tavros is still asleep on his, Gamzee at his side, and Terezi has yet to leave hers for some odd reason. Sollux and Karkat are sitting in opposite corners and trying not to look at anyone.

The rest of your friends are in the middle of the room arguing, and you are distressed to see Equius is very upset. He's arguing with Feferi in his lowest, scariest voice, and you know that's a terrible sign because if Equius is arguing with somebody as high on the hemospectrum as Feferi he must be terribly upset!

As much as you think your moirail is in need of a good shooshpapping, you don't think you should just jump into such a heated argument. Instead, you decide to sneak over to Terezi's side and get the details from her.

"Terezi, what's going on? Why is efurrybody so upset?" You whisper as you reach her side. Terezi twitches as she turns towards you, letting you see her bright red eyes. Of course, she hasn't left her bed because she is blind and can't get around anymore! You immediately feel awful for forgetting such a terrible thing happened to one of your friends.

"Equius is angry at Karkat and Sollux for crashing the ship," Terezi replies, thankfully unable to see your facial expression. Her face is surprisingly somber, on the other hand. This worries you, because the Terezi you know would normally have a scary laugh ready for any situation! But you can't ask about this now because Terezi hasn't finished explaining things to you. "Equius wants to see justice for what happened to everyone, and while I do love justice, I can't help but feel your moirail is blaming the wrong people for this one. I'd say he should persecute the ship that attacked us, but Aradia crushed it before we started to crash…"

The two of you look back to the others, as you sadly remember Aradia's no longer with you. She's been your friend forever, and you're crushed that she didn't make it. You look back towards Sollux, and remember how he killed her by mistake. From the looks of things he probably remembers too. And you know from how upset Equius is that he definitely is thinking it as well.

Eridan and Vriska seem more upset about what happened to them, but they're backing Equius up, which is likely why he hasn't submitted himself to Feferi's higher hemocaste. He's clearly angry, but also very nervous to be arguing with a fuchsia-blood. He's sweating bullets, and while you don't like to think about Equius' particularly odd fetish, you know he's likely getting off on this at some level.

You decide that while you don't know when the argument started, it's gone on long enough. You march up to the group and make sure you're looking as determined as possible.

Vriska is the first to notice you, and when she turns to face you, you notice her face and missing arm are wrapped in cerulean stained bandages. She rolls her good eye when she sees you approaching. "Weeeeeeeell now, looks like the cat girl is awake. Fun's over." You stick your tongue out at her as you walk by. You don't care how injured she is; nobody messes with your moirail but you!

You push Eridan aside as you walk up to Equius, and note with some satisfaction that you've sent him sprawling. Serves him right, making such a big fuss over his cape and his stupid gun. You don't have the time for him right now, so you ignore his protests as he straightens himself out.

As you reach Equius, you see Kanaya has been attempting to auspisticize between him and Feferi, but it seems beyond her at the moment. While she still manages to look the picture of grace and elegance, her head has been bandaged enough that she clearly suffered some injury in the crash she kept hidden. She sends you a grateful look as you march up to Equius and drag him off by the arm. You send one back to her. She's probably the main reason Equius and Feferi didn't try to kill each other. You know Vriska was probably rooting for that, at least.

As soon as the two of you are apart from the others, Equius takes you by the shoulders and turns you to face him. He leans in closely and starts looking you over carefully. You always appreciate how protective he can be, even when he's overbearing, but right now is not the time.

"Equius, why were you fighting with Fefurry?" you ask him with your eyes narrowed to slits. You shrug off his probing hands and jab him in the chest with your finger, which he likely doesn't even feel. Stupid muscles. "You've never argued like that with a highblood other than Eridan!"

"Hush Nepeta, I must ensure your time spent unconscious has not led to permanent damage." He raises his hands to check you over again, but you're close enough that you can see his eyes dart to the side, even behind his shades.

"Don't you change the subject with me!" You snap at him, and he withdrew his hands in a hurry. You glare up at him, undaunted by his large size, as he fidgets and sweats.

It takes several minutes before he can speak again. "I am of the opinion that the mutant and the mustard blood should be held accountable for their failure. Their mistakes as our pilot and-" he visibly shudders as he says the next part, "as our leader. Lady Peixes disagrees with my opinion that the mutant should be culled for his blatant defiance of the hemospectrum. As well as my opinion that a pilot who failed to fly a ship should be held responsible." He's visibly shaking at this point, and you see a tooth chip as he clenches his jaw.

"Equius, shoosh." You say sternly, papping him softly as he trembles with anger. "There was nothing that could be done about the crash. That scouterrorizer came out of nowhere, and I was the one who was supposed to watch our surroundings for attackers."

"Regardless, the mustard blood failed to keep the ship aloft, and succumbed to foreign substances. And the mutant-"

"Do NOT call Karkitty a mutant!" You snap. Instantly you realize you've made a mistake. At your outburst Equius has straightened out, regained his composure. You lost your cool, acted like a wriggler, and put Equius back in control. You'd start swearing if your moirail wasn't so prudish.

"Nepeta, I call Vantas a mutant because that is exactly what he is. His blood has no place on the hemospectrum, meaning that he has no place in troll society. He is an unnatural entity, one who should not exist. And because he knew this, he sought to flee the Alternian Empire. The best option for him."

He leans down, face to face with you, as he continues. There is a cold fury radiating from him, and it frightens you. "However, he chose to drag his friends down with him. He convinced you to follow on this excruciatingly foolish endeavor, despite my advice to the contrary. And so I followed, to protect you from his selfish mission. Because you are emotionally compromised." He straightens out again, looking relieved to have gotten that off of his chest.

You are trembling with rage at this point. You know Equius has been aware of your feelings for years. You told him yourself; he's your moirail after all. But while he's always disapproved of your flush crush, he's never used it against you like this. You hesitate for a few moments, working up your courage, and finally manage to squeak out a rebuttal. "So are you."

He flinches at this, and you can tell you've hit home. Still, he continues to try to maintain his lead. "Excuse me, Nepeta, but I must say that thought is absolutely ludicrous."

"Is it though? You say my feelings for Karkat are impairing my judgment, but what about you? I know how much you cared for her!"

Equius slumps at this. The two of you stand face to face in the corner, staring at the floor. You note the others have been pointedly trying not to pay attention to your conversation, but from the glances Feferi and Kanaya give from time to time you know they've been listening at least a little bit. Vriska doesn't even pretend not to snoop, she just rolls her eyes as the room goes silent and calls out, "Awkwaaaaaaaard." You pointedly ignore her, though you feel vindicated when Kanaya silences her with a furious glare.

Equius begins to speak again, and you snap to attention. His voice is faltering, and you pretend not to notice the tears running down his face. "I can't forgive them. If not for them, she wouldn't have perished." He looks up at this, and smiles, though only slightly. "She was so beautiful. Even in death she was the picture of grace."

You raise a hand to his face gently, "It's hard to see somebody you love get hurt," You say, softly. He raises his own arm and lets it hover next to your face. You smile at him, and then press your cheek against his hand and purr. You feel something click back into place, and suddenly you and Equius can understand each other again. You can tell he also feels this, because he is smiling back at you, the first genuine smile you've seen out of him in a while.

"I have been acting foolishly, haven't I? Equius says sheepishly.

You grin at him. "Only mostly!"

Equius gives a resigned sigh, but you can tell at this point it's mostly for show. He's calmed down completely now. He rolls his shoulders and turns back to face the rest of the room. "Very well then. I shall explain myself, and set things right. You have my thanks, Nepeta."

You're happy to see your moirail is feeling better, but you're not yet entirely convinced. "So you're not going to pounce on Karkitty or Catpurr?" You hear snickering and glance over to see Feferi trying not to laugh at your puns.

Equius looks stern again. "I shall make no such promises. Vantas and Captor have caused our crash with their negligence, and execution remains the most fitting punishment. However, I shall at least promise to stay my hand until a more appropriate time." His face is resolute, but you can tell he's still feeling better because he didn't call Karkat a mutant this time. You feel confident that he'll be fine to rejoin the group now.

Equius heads straight for Feferi, standing in front of her and giving a stiff bow before speaking. "I apologize for my lewd behavior Lady Peixes. I allowed my emotions to get the better of me, and behaved rashly in a crisis situation as a result, attempting to split our group and inflict punishment against the will of a superior. I am willing to accept any punishment for my inexcusable behavior."

Feferi is still looking up at Equius despite his head being bowed, but she's doing her best to look serious. She raises her head and puffs out her chest, acting every bit the imperial heiress she is meant to be… until she looks over at you and winks. You snigger, as Equius stays rigid, his gaze fixed on the floor.

"Whale it's about glubbing time!" Feferi says with a grin. "Your sentence for attempting to krill our friends shall be… to cull them!"

Equius stands up straight immediately, a look of utter bafflement on his face. You grin, knowing Feferi's unique definition for culling. "You wish for me… to cull them?"

"Yes! You shell look after the wounded and make sure they're back to perchfect health! And until you do, I shell not forgive you!"

Equius is losing his composure more and more by the second. "Lady Peixes excuse me, but that is hardly the proper definition of culling. It traditionally a term used for killing the weak and defective trolls."

Feferi stomps her foot and jabs a finger up at Equius' face. "To shell with that! If I say culling means caring for the injured, then it means caring for the injured!"

Equius stiffens yet again, clearly dealing with a great deal of emotional turmoil. He fidgets and shuffles his feet for several tense seconds, before sighing and slouching over in defeat. "As you wish, my lady."

"Stop calling me that."

"Yes ma'am." He walks away grumpily.

You give Feferi a beaming grin and rush over to hug her. "Fefurry, that was purrfect!"

Feferi looks relieved, "I'm really glad you think so! I wasn't sure how he'd take that."

You step back and reassure her. "Don't worry, Equius loves fussing over people, it makes him feel useful."

"Indeed." Kanaya glides over with a smile. "I'm sure that we're in good hands with Equius… as long as he doesn't close them." You gasp in mock anger and playfully swat at Kanaya's arm, and she gives you a knowing smile.

"Excuse me, I do hope I'm not interrupting anything." A voice rings out from behind you, and the room goes still. Everyone turns slowly to face the source of the voice, with the exception of Sollux, still hiding in his corner, and Gamzee, who remains frozen at Tavros' side.

The voice comes from a man standing at a door next to Karkat, which you notice uneasily has no handle in this room. He looks like nothing you've ever seen before, with white skin and no hair or horns to speak of. He's dressed in white and green, a sharp suit that you can tell he takes expert care of. At his sides several similar looking men are assembled, armed with some large guns you don't properly recognize, dressed in green. You note with some confusion that their skin tones are all different. An indication of blood color perhaps?

You stalk closer to get a closer look, but are forced to retreat when one of the other men raises their gun at you. Equius takes note of this and lowers his head to charge, hissing angrily. But before he can launch himself at the group the man at their head raises his hand and his follower lowers the weapon.

"Now, now, is that any way to welcome our guests?" The man says smoothly, his voice low and melodious. "It would hardly be fitting for us to threaten people staying under our roof."

"So you're the one that locked us up then?" you are shocked to see that Karkat has gotten to his feet and is glaring daggers at the group. One of the other men jumps visibly and whirls around with his gun at the ready. But before he can take aim the suited man is at his side, and knocks him out in a single blow.

"Forgive my soldiers, they are not used to visitors off planet, and lack the composure to cope." He gives a pleasant smile towards Karkat, who is shocked by the speed at which the man knocked out his subordinate. "To answer your question young man, you have not been locked up, but you have been taken under our protection. Or to be more specific, my protection."

The man spins gracefully to face you and the others. "My name is Doctor Scratch, leader of the Federal Extra-terrestrial Logistics Team, or FELT, for short. A rather simplistic name, certainly, but it suits our purposes well enough."

"Well isn't that nice." Terezi says with a grin, as she hops off the bed. "So explain something to me, Doctor, if that is your real name… just how is it that you are able to speak Alternian?" Karkat gapes angrily at her, and you wonder what's going through his head to make him so furious.

"I'm not speaking Alternian at all, as a matter of fact. I am speaking a language known here as English. It would seem that by happy coincidence they sound exactly the same." He smiles widely as he looks at Terezi. "So am I safe in assuming Alternia is the name of your planet, then?"

Karkat slaps his forehead in frustration, and Terezi grimaces as you all realize her blunder. This Doctor Scratch was clearly very perceptive.

"As to my real name, Doctor is but a title. It refers to my status as a researcher of matters from off planet. It is also a common term for health care providers."

"Medicullers." Eridan mutters and you nod in understanding.

"Mediculler?" Scratch repeats with a grin, "What a beautifully sinister term."

"Terminology aside, would we be correct in assuming it was you who provided medical care to our wounded?" Kanaya asks, stepping forward with a frown. She is still on guard, sizing up Doctor Scratch and his soldiers. You look around and see Equius and Karkat are still on guard as well.

Terezi is sitting again, silently frowning at the ground after her slip-up. You can tell she's still off balance due to her sudden blindness. Eridan has moved between Feferi and the soldiers, but is otherwise the picture of indifference. Vriska seems to be attempting to probe the group mentally. Sollux has yet to budge from his corner. And Gamzee has moved for the first time since you woke up. He's just staring at the soldiers. You're glad he's facing away from you, because the way the soldiers are looking at him uneasily suggests that he's intimidating enough at the moment that you don't want to see his face.

If Doctor Scratch is intimidated by the hostile looks he doesn't show it. His smile has gone from manic to calm once again as he faces Kanaya. "You are quite correct my dear. Our medicullers, to use your terminology, were excited at the prospect of working on an alien species. Though we found that with the obvious exception of horns, our species skeletal structure is almost identical. Fascinating, is it not?"

Feferi smiles at this and hops forward. "That is very interesting indeed, Doctor Scratch! Tell me, when you rescued us from our damaged ship, did you happen to find any of our supplies?" Her smile broadens and she stares at the group, calculating. You can understand why. Now that you know Doctor Scratch has examined your bodies while you were unconscious you feel far less motivated to trust him.

Doctor scratch sighs and shakes his head sadly. "Alas, it would appear that most of your belongings were damaged in the fall. We have salvaged all that we could, of course. If you wish, I will gladly allow you to look through everything and assess for yourself."

"You don't have any problem with us accessing potentially dangerous technology? What are you, stupid?" Eridan says disdainfully.

"I have secured all weapons safely away for the time being." Doctor Scratch replies with no indication he heard the jibe. "To provide you with some of your less dangerous materials however, is only natural. You are my guests after all. And I believe you will find that as hosts go I am simply the best there is."

One of the soldiers smirks at this, which you take note of. You do your best to size these strange people up, and are nervous to see that the soldiers all seem at ease now. They are looking over you all confidently, despite their earlier skittishness. Something about this conversation has led them to believe your group is not a threat, or that the Doctor is simply a bigger one. Either way, you may be in bigger danger than you realized.

"Well then, it is time I see to other matters now." Doctor Scratch claps his hands and announces loudly. "I'll give you time to discuss everything amongst yourselves. If you should need anything, just knock on the door and one of my men will assist you." He waves his hands, and the soldiers leave in formation. He pauses as he reaches the door.

"Be gentle when you break the news to that sleeping friend of yours. He will be in for a terrible shock, I'm afraid." Doctor Scratch chuckles as the door closes behind him with a loud boom. Your friends group up immediately.

"We are in big fucking trouble here everyone." Karkat says angrily. "We are unarmed and locked up, and who the fuck knows what's been done to us already!?"

"Loathe as I am to agree with a mutant, Vantas is correct." Equius growls, "While this Doctor Scratch is clearly considered a person of character here on this planet, we do not know the true motives of this species. And our ship will not be usable after the severity of our crash."

"Equius, I told you not to call Karkitty a mutant!" You snap.

Feferi nods in agreement. "Yeah, everyone knows the hemospectrum is a bunch of beluga anyways."

"Shut up you two, I know I'm a fucking abomination." Karkat says with a sigh. He rubs at his head, and you see his bandaged head is still covered with candy red blood, staining the bandages and spotting him with his strange blood color. Karkat catches you staring and smirks bitterly, "See, you think it's weird too." You look quickly away in shame.

"You know, as much as I love being left out, I'd appreciate it if you guys brought this conversation somewhere I can participate." Terezi calls out sarcastically.

"Fuck you, Terezi, why should all eight of us move for your lazy ass?" Karkat snaps.

"Because I'm blind, and without a cane I can't navigate this room properly!" Terezi replies with a grin. "Now come to me, peasants!" You scamper over ahead of everyone else and purr; with a big grin that Terezi matches. "You see, Nepeta and I can see that you guys are a bunch of jackasses, and I'm blind!"

"God fucking damnit this is going to become a thing with you, isn't it?" Karkat sighs in resignation as the rest of your friends start to follow you.

"Tavbro, you're awake! It's a motherfucking miracle!" Gamzee bursts out in joy, and suddenly everyone rushes over.

The first troll to reach Tavros' side is Equius, who seems determined to make good on his promise to look after everyone's injuries. "Nitram, under Feferi's orders, I am obligated to cull you."

Tavros' eyes bulge out of his head as he looks up at Equius in a panic, and he stammers out a protest. "I uh, don't think that Feferi would, um, order anybody to cull anyone. She's definitely, probably, not interested in culling anyone. So I'm going to, uh, refuse your offer to, well, cull me."

Feferi grins as she reaches Tavros' side. "Don't you worry Tavros, culling means caring for sick and wounded now!"

"I'm definitely sure that is probably not true."

"If I say it's true then it's true! Isn't that right Equius?" She turns to Equius with a smirk, and he nods his head reluctantly.

"It is as Miss Peixes says, Nitram. I shall provide you…" he shudders, "medical service." You and Feferi giggle at each other as Equius resumes looking Tavros over.

"Well I guess if that's the case, then it's, uh, fine then?" He looks over at Gamzee beseechingly, but Gamzee has become far less protective of Tavros now that he's awake. His relief is obvious, and you know if you had access to your shipping wall you'd be cataloguing this as soon as possible!

"Do you feel anything is at all amiss?" Equius is examining Tavros' head and neck area, and checking his horns for damage. Since his horns are so big, if one were to crack it would probably hurt a lot!

Tavros smiles uneasily as he tries to sit up. "I don't feel any pain at all…" He frowns as he continues to shift. "I uh… wait a second." Everyone stares as he throws the sheets off of himself, and starts prodding his legs. "My legs feel, uhh, invisible." He blinks and looks up. "Wow, I'm sure there was a better way to say that."

"Yeah, it's called being paralyzed, dumbass!" Karkat says, rolling his eyes. He freezes as he realizes what he just says. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT TAVROS, YOU'RE PARALYZED."

"Seriously, somebody is going to have to make me a cane or something, because I feel really left out right now."


	3. Mindfang's Descendant

Your name is Vriska Serket, and you have a lot of irons in the fire. All of the irons, in fact! You've had nothing but bad luck ever since you left Alternia. You lost your vision eightfold, as well as your left arm. You ended up on a planet full of some lame species called humans, who are almost completely immune to your mind control. The leader of these humans is the biggest problem, though. He's analyzing your every move and keeping most of the wreckage from your ship for himself. But you are far from helpless in this situation.

Really, while you'll never admit it out loud, Equius is actually doing the most to get everyone out of here. He's already made robotic legs for Tavros, and a robotic arm for you. But no matter how much you pester him, he still claims making a new eye for you is beyond his skill level. He's working on Terezi's cane right now, saying he needs to make some improvements. Said improvements seem to be squeezing a strip of metal into a blade he can hide inside of the cane, so that Terezi can use her bladekind.

Basically Equius is doing everything he can to arm your group. The only person who was able to keep their weapon was Kanaya, and that was because her chainsaw is disguised as lipstick. Terezi's hidden blade is the first thing he's making, but he's also trying to determine where the other equipment is being kept. Every time he and Nepeta go out to retrieve equipment for his mechanical projects, the two return with some more details about the layout of the base.

Kanaya has been recording the information they bring back with her sewing, making a discrete map out of needlework. She sits and sews most of the day, under the guise of replacing all of their clothing that was lost in the crash. When Equius and Nepeta are done scouting, Equius will return to his workbench in the corner, where he makes adjustments to various parts for Tavros' legs and your arm. Nepeta will prance over to Kanaya and draw out little lines for Kanaya to fill in with her needlework. When she's not filling out the map, it's disguised as Eridan's new cape.

If you're being honest with yourself, Kanaya and Equius are being very clever about this whole affair. Their planning is very discrete, and their map is well hidden. You've made a point of memorizing as much of it as you can already, so you can use it for your own plans.

You've been making your own escape strategy to use for several days now instead of Equius'. As if you'd let the sweaty asshole break you out of a cell! When Mindfang was captured by Neophyte Redglare, did she ask for help? No! She killed the Legislacerator, killed his Honorable Tyranny, and walked away from the gallows a free troll! As Mindfang's descendant you need to live up to that legacy.

You've got several things going for you. Not quite eight, but enough to get you free regardless. Your mind control may not work, but you can still put humans to sleep, you've managed to poke at the guards outside of your room and make them nod off once or twice. You also have your metal arm, which is strong enough to do a lot of damage.

And the third, most important thing you have going for you is Terezi. The Scourge Sisters are back in action! With only one eye between the two of you you're not as dangerous as you were back in the glory days, but together you're still more than a match for these humans!

Terezi is sitting on your right at the moment, head tilted as she listens to the other trolls. Her senses have been steadily improving over the week you've been stuck in the room. And she's applying her incredible hearing in the most devious manner possible.

"Sounds like things are getting awfully pale over there!" She sniggers, gesturing discreetly towards the corner by the door, where Karkat has taken over. You look over to see that Feferi is talking to him again.

"Such infidelity!" You cackle to Terezi. "What must Eridan be thinking?"

"Sounds like Eridan is too busy trying to black-flirt with Sollux." She frowns and turns to face you. "I thought that you were Eridan's kismesis?"

"Pleeeeeeeease. I left that sinking ship aaaaaaaages ago." You snort dismissively at Eridan's terrible flirting. "Eridan couldn't hate his way out of a paper bag." Terezi cackles at this and sticks out her tongue.

"I taste chocolate and tinfoil on the move." She says with a frown. "He's going for the stairs again, isn't he?"

You turn in your seat and see Tavros waddling along towards a set of stairs that the humans put in "for rehabilitation purposes." You're pretty sure they just like seeing him fall down them. "Yup, Gamzee probably talked him into it again." Tavros reaches the first step and promptly falls on his face. "God he's like a stair magnet or something, he can't stay away from the things."

Equius rushes over to Tavros and checks his legs for damage. "I have warned you about stairs, Nitram. I told you repeatedly not to walk on stairs until you've had time to improve your pitiful coordination. And yet it keeps happening."

Tavros smiles sheepishly as he tries to pick himself up. "Uh, sorry Equius, I just, well, I want to walk properly again right away, so I'm pushing myself harder, um, because I'll get better faster that way I think."

Equius sighs and rubs his temple. "You are an exceedingly difficult troll to cull. Your behavior is ludicrous and you will cease such foolishness from now on."

"Aww, don't be like that, bro. Tavbro here is just trying his motherfucking hardest to get his walk on." Gamzee says placating, helping Tavros to his feet. Equius' demeanor changes immediately.

"Highblood, I understand Nitram's intentions. However using the stairs is too much for day two of therapy." Equius is stiffening as Gamzee watches him, and yes, there's the sweating. You wonder sometimes how he hasn't died from dehydration by now with how much he sweats, not to mention his inability to hold a glass without breaking the damn thing.

"Those human brothers were nice enough to provide this bitching setup for Tavbro to use. It would be motherfucking rude not to make use of such a miraculous gift."

"There is nothing miraculous about stairs." Equius says stubbornly, staring at his feet. "Until Nitram has had more time to recover he shouldn't use them."

"I think, uhh, that I should keep trying, because well, we need to make sure we're all safe and I don't want to hold everyone back." You swear that's the longest you've ever heard Tavros speak without hesitating. It's almost impressive; or it would be if he wasn't being a clumsy idiot.

Equius is feeling much the same it seems, because while he was taken aback at Tavros being assertive, he seems to be getting more frustrated, and he finally snaps. "If you break your legs then you will hold us back far more, Nitram!"

"Don't you MOTHERFUCKING talk to him like that, MOTHERFUCKER." The room goes silent as Gamzee glares at Equius. The look in his eyes is dangerous, a far stretch away from the stupid, sopor-addled dumbass you know and find distasteful. He's slouched over a bit, horns lowered, and stance tense. He's coiled like a spring, ready to attack, and it's more terrifying than you care to admit.

Equius backs away nervously, as Feferi rushes over. "What the glub is happening over here?"

Gamzee raises his head and smiles lazily at Feferi. "Ain't anything to worry your pretty head over, sis. Equius here was getting his motherfucking disrespect on towards Tavbro, so I just set him motherfucking straight. Dropped the chastise on him and he got the picture, and now everything is motherfucking miracles again." You notice his arms are still tense, and his eye has a gleam of… something in it, something you can't identify, but know can't be good.

"Gamzee, when was the last time you had a pie?" Karkat's voice startles you, as he speaks from next to Feferi. Ever since that crabby loudmouth was outed as a mutant he's been disturbingly good at avoiding attention. Makes you wonder why he was so damn noisy beforehand. Yet another stroke of luck from this whole mess, though you do somewhat miss seeing him riled up. His monologuing can be downright hilarious.

"Well shit Karbro, it's been a long motherfucking time." Gamzee says with a grin. His stance is almost completely tame again, though his eyes still seem off. "Those humans couldn't salvage much sopor, so I've been saving the few motherfucking pies I've got."

"I think you should have one now." Karkat says quietly.

"Well shit bro, if you think that's for the best, then I'll go have myself a nice pie right now." Gamzee says with a grin, and wanders off to the shelf where he's been keeping all of his disgusting pies.

You realize suddenly what Karkat likely knew from the moment Gamzee snapped: He's suffering withdrawal symptoms. Gamzee may seem like a dopey idiot usually, but he's a purple blood, and that means when he loses it you're all in trouble. Your time limit just got a lot shorter. Gamzee goes through pies fast. And there's no way for anyone in your group to get more sopor.

You don't care what happens later, but right now you need to get yourself and Terezi as far away from him as possible. Everyone else in your group is either capable enough on their own, or not worth worrying over. Except for Tavros of course, but you could never get Gamzee away from him. The two are already trying to tackle the stairs again. He'll have to make do, because while you like Tavros, you aren't willing to fight a homicidal juggalo highblood on his behalf. You like yourself a lot more than you like Tavros.

Terezi seems to realize your train of thought at this point, because she's turned to you and grabbed your wrist. "Vriska, we need to wait and make sure we do this properly. If we panic and execute our plan before we've received our verdict it won't end well for us." She's unusually serious all of a sudden, but you suppose crazy clowns must have that effect on people.

"Pleeeeeeeease, Terezi. I can handle these people with one eye closed." You laugh as you shake her off.

Terezi will not be dissuaded though, and she shifts her hand to your shoulder instead, turning you to face her. "I'm serious, Vriska. That Scratch person is dangerous. He's smart, he has a lot of armed goons, and he has exclusive access to all of our technology. If we underestimate him he has more than enough of an advantage to make us regret it."

"Which is why I won't give him the chance. He'll be out of the picture before he knows what's happening."

"No, see, that would be a perfect example of underestimating him. We are the prisoners, and he is the honorable tyranny of this world. If we make our move too soon we will all hang." You don't think Terezi has ever looked so somber when talking about hangings before.

You aren't really worried by her warnings though, for two reasons. The first is that you think Terezi is overestimating Scratch after her slipup at his first greeting. She was recovering from suddenly being blind at the time, so nobody really held it against her. But she is still very upset with herself for letting something slip about their home planet to a group of potentially hostile aliens with unknown military power. (Truthfully, you're still feeling rather smug about Terezi being the first one to slip up, since she's always acted like she's smarter than you.)

The other reason you're not worried about Scratch is because you can see Gamzee still has that strange look in his eye. He's unstable already, and he hasn't even run out of drugs yet.

You're not the only one who's on guard though. Karkat and Feferi have gone back to muttering in their corner, but you can see Karkat glancing at Gamzee from time to time. Equius is keeping to his desk, but you can see he's whispering to Nepeta, and she's not very discrete about how much Gamzee terrifies her. Eridan's pacing back and forth in the middle of the room, and you know he wants to put himself between Gamzee, and Feferi and Sollux (Not that he should bother because he's got no chance with either of them). Though they're in opposite corners so he has to make do. Last but certainly not least is Kanaya, who has set her lipstick on the table beside her.

They can all sense that Gamzee is slipping. The look in his eyes is dulled by sopor, but beneath the haze of failure emanating from the sick clown you can tell he's getting ready to explode. When the sopor runs dry he'll probably try to kill all of you, and you're not sure he can be stopped. Kanaya is dangerous, and armed, but Gamzee is stronger and faster. And the only other one in you group who could feasibly fight him is a hemocaste worshipping loser.

Your best bet is to abscond while you still can. And you know exactly how to do that. You brush Terezi's hand from your shoulder and place a hand on her face. "Shoosh Terezi, I can handle these pathetic humans. Just trust me."

Terezi freezes. "Vriska… did you just… shooshpap me?"

Your mind goes blank for a moment, and then goes into overdrive. You definitely just shooshpapped Terezi Pyrope. You glare at the offending hand accusingly. Then you try to comprehend exactly what this means. Terezi doesn't look angry, just surprised, and curious. And you have to will your hand to part from her face. There might just be something happening here.

"I guess I did." You eventually admit, stepping back sheepishly. Her face is glowing with teal blood, and you're sure your own face is flushed with cobalt, but you don't really have time to think too deeply about it. You need to get your plan under way before you become overwhelmed by what just happened. "We can talk about it later, okay? I can't stop now, too many irons in the fire."

"Vriska, I really think you should-"

"Don't worry, I'll be careful." You reassure her and flee before she can convince you to stay. You move to the door and knock loudly, getting the attention of everyone in the room.

"Serket. What are you doing?" Equius rises from his seat and folds his arms sternly. Nepeta isn't moving yet, but the look she's giving you is certainly calculating.

"I've had enough of stalling! I'm going to take matters into my own hands!" You declare with a smile. "Just sit back and watch as Marquise Spinneret Mindfang saves you wrigglers." Using your role-playing name only makes you surer of yourself. Nobody can beat Vriska Serket in confidence; she is simply the best there is!

"Oh sweet bulge chaffing fuck, she's role-playing as a dumbass." Karkat deadpans from his corner. "Vriska go sit down and shut up before you get all of us killed."

His words sting a little, but you know you're far too great to let a nobody like Karkat stop your foolproof plan. "Mutants should be culled and not heard." You say with a sneer. That shuts him up, but you can see Feferi and Nepeta giving you dangerous looks. The idiots are both obsessed with the noisy excuse for a troll.

Nobody else gets the chance to stop you though, because the door opens and a soldier steps in. "What do you want?"

"I'd like to speak with Doctor Scratch." You say with a smile. "I have something important he needs to hear."

You're whisked away from the room that's served as your cell for many weeks before any of your fellow trolls can object. You try to keep track of your surroundings, but they move you so fast it's near impossible to determine where you are. All you can tell is that you're above ground, and that this complex is gigantic. No wonder Equius needed Nepeta to handle the mapping; she's probably got the best sense of space in the group, due to being practically feral.

Suddenly, the soldiers are gone from your side, and you find yourself in a long hallway. The walls are painted a bright, emerald green, almost an eyesore. You proceed to the ornate door at the end of the hall, but before you can knock, you hear Doctor Scratch's voice. "Welcome miss Serket, I've been expecting you. Please do come in."

You jump at this, wondering how the Doctor knows your name. You enter the room slowly, sizing up the office of the man who has your friends held captive.

The room is large, ornate, and painted with various shades of bright green. A fireplace crackles on one side, a large map on the wall above the mantle. On the other side is a large golden clock, decorated with serpents. The furniture in the room all looks very old, and you see that instead of a husktop or human equivalent, he has an old fashioned typewriter on his desk.

"Welcome to my office, Miss Serket." Doctor Scratch says pleasantly, "I'm so glad to finally get a chance to speak face to face with a member of your fascinating species. I have many questions for your group. Of course being the excellent host that I am I wouldn't dream of prying into the business of a group of crash survivors. It would hardly be fitting of one as devoted to hospitality as myself."

"Good grief you like to talk!" You burst out impatiently. "If you want information on trolls, you should probably give us a chance to get a word in! I mean reeeeeeeeally, it's rude to talk your guest's ears off, especially when they're already missing body parts!"

Scratch chuckles drily at this, but you see his eyes narrow. "You are right of course. I suggest you raise your hand when you feel I am speaking too much, it is a method proven successful in human classrooms." It's a clear jab at your obvious youthfulness, and it tells you that Scratch takes poorly to interruptions. Instead of being insulted though, you take it as a sign that he's underestimating you.

"Let's just discuss things like civilized beings and skip the gesturing." You say with a smirk. "So tell me, what do you want to know?"

Scratch gets to his feet and begins to pace back and forth. "Well, let's see here, there are so many questions that need answering… but I suppose the most important question would be the location of the twelfth troll."

You try not to blink your remaining eye, and fail miserably. You were not expecting him to go for the throat so quickly, and you certainly weren't expecting him to know about Aradia. "What makes you think there's a twelfth troll?" You ask, barely managing to keep your voice even.

Doctor Scratch looks smug, and you both know he's taken the early advantage. "My people have taken every scrap from your ship and brought it into our compound for examination. While technology was our primary goal, we also made a point of finding genetic material. It took us some time to sort past the DNA of the various biological systems aboard your ship, but in the end we were able to match DNA to the blood samples we'd already collected during your medical treatment."

"What we weren't expecting to find though, was a twelfth genetic code, that we were able to determine was troll. Despite our searching however, we were completely unable to uncover any remains. So where is this twelfth troll?" He turns to face you with a look of suspicion. "How did they escape? Are you maintaining contact with them somehow?"

You laugh at this. "Finally figured it out, have you? Our trump card, hiding in the background all this time? She's been biding her time until we were ready to flee, and she has more than enough firepower with her to take you all apart!" It's not a perfect bluff, but you feel confident in your ability to use this to your advantage.

Scratch smirks at your threat though. "A female, then? Certainly not the same female that misters Captor and Zahhak have been so tearful over?" You stop smiling, and Scratch tuts at you. "Clearly so. Miss Serket, you should not have been so quick to show your hand, until your face gave it away I was by no means certain. So tell me, how did she die in a way that didn't leave a corpse?"

"Weapons malfunction. A laser blew up in her face." You respond quickly, knowing already the excuse won't be enough.

"Your ship didn't have weapons." Scratch said with a bored expression. "Never mind, I already know who was responsible. Equius, Karkat, and Sollux have all acted guilty since the crash, but Sollux is the only one with the capacity to kill in such a way."

Your head snaps up in alarm. "How could you know that?"

"We've checked your brain activity levels. Sollux Captor's mind was powerful enough to destroy everything we've used to attempt to measure his neurological power. Quite remarkable, really. Of course, having you here to confirm my hypothesis is helpful as well." He turns aside and dials a number on a rotary phone. "I have confirmed that Captor is the target. Be gentle with him. He is still our guest after all."

You have underestimated Doctor Scratch. He knew everything he needed before you even walked into the room. All you've done is confirm his suspicions. But he's made the mistake of placing himself alone in a room with you. Which means your plan is by no means cancelled. You snap your hands to the side of your head and start channeling your mind control into putting Scratch to sleep. Once he's at your mercy, you can take control of everything easily.

Scratch doesn't so much as blink as you focus on him though. "You know, before I was assigned leader of FELT, I was placed through rigorous mental training to resist torture and drugs. Mind control is just a more sophisticated form of these things. Thank you for showing me your skills though. I knew from the brain scans that you were also gifted, but I wasn't sure what you could do."

"You shouldn't take risks with trolls." You say with false bravado. "We're notoriously lucky." You start to back towards the door, but you see him advance fearlessly and know you can't hope to outrun him.

Doctor Scratch chuckles mirthlessly. "My dear girl, it doesn't matter how lucky you are if I hold all the cards." He leaps at you at impossible speed, and throws a punch you barely block with your robot arm. It still sends you flying to the side though, and you hit the wall next to the fireplace hard enough to knock the wind out of you.

Scratch shakes his hand out irritably, and jumps at you again. You barely dodge out of the way, and his fist hits the wall hard enough to make the room shake. You see a flash of blue beside you, and notice several small blue pieces fall from the desk. You laugh breathlessly. It's the fluorite octet! Doctor Scratch is still recovering from punching the wall at mach four, giving you time to scrabble over to your dice.

"I'd appreciate it if you would refrain from dragging out the inevitable." Scratch says irritably. "This was checkmate the moment you walked into the room."

"Not anymore." You say with a laugh as you hold up your dice. "This isn't chess anymore, this is craps!" You roll the dice and grin at Doctor Scratch, who is watching the die warily. 1-8-8-1-1-8-8-1. The dice glow and trigger a spider web, which pins Scratch to the wall. You laugh as the dice reappear in your hand, and walk up to Doctor Scratch. "What did I tell you? I have all the luck. Aaaaaaaall of it!"

You're about to throw the dice again to go for a finishing blow, but the sound of voices in the hallway mean you need to make a hasty retreat. "Well looks like there's a little luck left over for you after all." You smile at him and rush for the exit. You see soldiers in the hallway and throw your dice. 4-1-3-5-2-4-1-3. A gust of wind blasts the soldiers backwards down the corridor, and gives you an extra burst of speed.

You leave the hallway with soldiers flying through the air around you. When you look around you see chaos at the building you came from. Sirens are blaring, and spotlights are sweeping around, illuminating the expanse between you and the walls encircling the base. You grin and head for the source of the racket to reunite with the other trolls. It's time for a jailbreak worthy of Mindfang herself.


	4. Things get Horribly Complicated

Your name is Sollux Captor, and you are a colossal fuckup. In the past weeks you have decided to defect from the largest empire in the universe, you got your ship hit by one measly scout, ate mind honey and accidentally vaporized your girlfriend, and now it looks like you've been busted by these humans for secretly carrying enough power to wipe out their entire base twice over.

The humans came in shortly after Vriska left to get you. You aren't particularly surprised they knew, these humans may be primitive fuckers, but with how much power you keep trapped inside your head there was no way they wouldn't sense it. The humans appeared with guns trained on everyone in the room, and demanded to take you into custody, and that was that. Not even the fastest troll can outrun a bullet, even if bullets are completely outdated by troll standards.

Now you're sitting several floors underground, hooked up to a machine disturbingly similar to the pilot rig from your ship, and these humans are trying to drain the energy from your body. You could have stopped this, but it seems like you couldn't get yourself to do anything since the crash. Probably because of your guilt over the whole accidental girlfriend-killing thing.

You're thinking clearly now though. Maybe the machine has taken some pressure off of your head, because you still had a lot of stress placed on your thinkpan after the mind honey. You've been bottling it up so as to not kill anybody else, and it's like you've been swimming in white noise since your crash.

Now, however, you're thinking clearly. You can focus on everything around you. And you can hear the voices of the soon to be dead again. Normally that would be a bother to you, but you've noticed that some of these voices are coming from the humans standing in front of you. And you know exactly how they're going to die.

They don't even have the time to scream. Your psionics incinerate them instantly, and for a single, horrible second, the image of Aradia in a similar state flashes in your mind.

You push it aside for now. You've spent enough time being useless. Now is the time to act. First thing's first, you need to tear this room apart and find out where your asshole friends are.

Your name is Terezi Pyrope, and you are taking charge of this mess. After Sollux got dragged out of the room everyone completely lost it. Equius started packing, Karkat started cursing, and everyone else just lost their minds.

You aren't everyone else though. You are a genius of a troll, and if you hadn't left Alternia you'd have become a legislacerator the likes of which nobody had ever seen. And while you may not be on Alternia anymore, you still intend to uphold justice.

There are two humans in the room still, both training their guns on anybody who gets too close. Nobody's dared to get near them, as they're unsure how to escape without getting everyone killed. To get close to them means getting gunned down, and while Equius could likely punch through the walls, there's no way to get everyone out before somebody gets shot. The straightforward approach will only get them killed.

Fortunately an expert legislacerator is an expert in deception as well as combat. You know the layout of the room very well by now, and are one of the few armed trolls in the room. But unlike Kanaya and Equius, who are tall and imposing, you are short, thin, and very clearly blind. All of these things combined make you the least threatening troll in the room. And the troll that isn't threatening is often the most dangerous.

You take hold of your cane and begin tapping on the floor as you wander about. It's good for appearances, though you haven't needed it for getting around for a week or so now. You're not sure what the cause is, but in the past little while, you've been finding your sense of smell growing stronger, to the point where you can accurately identify everything and everyone by smell. You've kept it to yourself for the most part, so that you can freak people out with it, though you did tell Vriska.

Your tapping falters as you remember Vriska's pale advances from before. You hope she's alright, wherever she is now. You're still not sure how to respond to that impromptu shooshpapping earlier. She clearly wasn't aware of what she was doing at the time herself, it just… happened.

Well, if you want to sort it out with her you'll have to get out of here first. Your tapping takes you in the general direction of the soldiers, but you're careful not to approach them head on. You just amble along, tapping your cane for show. As you draw closer, you sense them tense.

"Hold it right there, troll, before I mow you down," one calls, raising his gun to you.

At this point the others have noticed what you're doing. You hear several people call your name; Karkat's being the loudest. You grin at them and call out "I'm over here, guys. Honestly you morons are as blind as I am!"

The other human slaps the hands of the man pointing his gun at you. "Don't lose your shit over somebody who can't even see you, dumbass." He mutters to him. You cackle inwardly.

"Terezi, get the fuck over here!" Karkat screams in a panicked rage.

"Well now Karkles, if you're going to ask me like that, then maybe I don't want to!" You grin, walking in the opposite direction of his voice, and right towards the guards. You're glad Karkat is so predictable; you didn't even have to tell him what to say beforehand.

"Miss, step away from the door or we will use force." The second guard warns. You hear their hands move to their guns again, but they haven't raised them yet. Big mistake.

"You know, normally when I execute criminals I prefer to use a noose." You remark, taking both hands to your cane. "But I think this will work just as well." Your arm lashes out as they raise their guns. Everything suddenly tastes like cherries. You hear the two men fall to the ground, with a wet splat.

"Well everybody, shall we be off?" You turn to face everybody with a grin. There's a cheer from Nepeta and Feferi, and a 'HOLY SHIT' from Karkat, and suddenly everyone is moving. Eridan rushes to your side and relieves the guards of their weapons, muttering a rushed compliment to you under his breath, before moving out to the hallway.

Kanaya is the next to follow him, pausing to look you over. "Excellently done, Terezi. And might I say, that shade of red is lovely on you. It goes very well with your eyes."

Your name is Feferi Peixes, and you're doing your best to keep your group together. At the front of the pack is Eridan, wielding the guns from the dead guards, and Nepeta, using several makeshift blades in lieu of claws. Nepeta has dispatched several humans unawares already, allowing you to proceed in relative silence. But when you think back on the loud blast your group heard shortly after your escape and think of Sollux and Vriska, who are still out there on their own, you feel like you can't possibly move fast enough.

"We're pawfully close now, efurrybody!" Nepeta whispers back to your group with a grin. "They're keeping our weapons just around the corner."

"Alright everyone, stay together!" You say softly, looking back at Equius, who is watching for soldiers behind you. Gamzee and Tavros are doggedly keeping up with the group just in front of him, but while Tavros looks determined, you can't help but worry. He hasn't had nearly enough time to adjust to his new legs.

Nepeta slips into a large building ahead of you all, and Eridan stands at the door, peering out into the night. "Looks like these glubbing humans are all moving to the opposite end of the base." He calls out to you. "Not sure if it's the asshole or the bitch who's drawing them in though."

You're not sure if this is a blessing or a curse at this point. While it's good to have a moment's reprieve, there's little chance of reaching the other end of the compound in such a small group. You smile at Eridan as you step forward. "Stay out here and keep watch, while I get our gear. I'm counting on you." Eridan sends you a smile, and you feel the trust between you.

You're not sure how your relationship with Eridan can be defined at this point; especially after all of the support you've given Karkat with his hemospectrum issues. But while you're not sure you feel pale for Eridan, you know you can trust him with your life. He is your oldest friend, after all! You head inside, knowing his skills with guns will be enough to deter any threats until everyone else is ready.

Inside the bunker you see everyone has finished gathering their old gear, and are now searching for any useful items amongst the human's belongings. Kanaya has donned a sort of armor, similar to what you've seen human soldiers wearing, but other than that seems content with her chainsaw. She's holding another vest in her hand. "I felt our guard needed better protection." She says with a smile, as she heads for the exit.

You thank her and rush for the area where everyone else found their weapons, and retrieve your double trident. After a moment's reflection, you also gather up Sollux's throwing stars, so that he'll have some extra firepower when (definitely not if) you find him. But as you look around you notice that Vriska's and Eridan's weapons are not here.

"Eridan! I can't find Ahab's crosshairs!" You yell towards the door as you don a protective vest.

"What do you mean you can't find it? I swear, if I have to spend the rest of my life using these primitive human weapons I will- FUCKING HELL!" Eridan's rant is cut short as the sound of a loud blast echoes from the doors, accompanied by a pained cry. You rush to the door and see Kanaya lying on the ground, a neat hole burned through her stomach, just to the right of her spine. She's already dead. Eridan is running away cursing. Things just got horribly complicated.

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and it's high time you took action. You've been hiding the map Kanaya's made over the past week, and made sure Feferi was staying as safe as possible, even if she was spending an awful lot of time with Karkat. But now shit has hit the whirling device. Vriska has vanished, Sollux was taken, and now Kanaya is dead. But the worst part is that you recognize the weapon that did it.

Somebody out there took Ahab's Crosshairs, and they used it to shoot your friend through the stomach. You saw enough to know where the blast came from, and you're going to hunt the fuckers responsible down, and take back what's yours.

A human rounds the corner and you swing your gun at his head. The man cries out in shock and hits the ground. You may not be as strong as that sweaty fucker Equius, but you're still high on the hemospectrum, and that means being stronger than average by far. Still, you hate resorting to such crude measures to dispatch these humans. You continue towards the vantage point the sniper shot Kanaya from and spot two humans at the base of the building the shot came from. You gun them down before they realize you're upon them. Much better.

When you reach the inside of the building you see an assortment of guards all arming themselves and smirk to yourself. The word has gone out that you are no longer jailed, but they weren't expecting you to be upon them so quickly. Violet blood speed is not to be underestimated, and you've lived on land for long enough to be far more comfortable than most seadwelling trolls would be.

Your guns ring out loud enough to burst your eardrums, and you're thankful you remembered to take earplugs from your guards. You down three guards before they can move, and dive around a corner, your cape snapping behind you. You're hiding behind a large column now, and those humans that have managed to retrieve their weapons are riddling your cover with gunfire. You snort at their efforts. Ahab's Crosshairs would have reduced the column to rubble with one shot.

Still, you'll need to do something before the humans can surround you. You sigh sadly, and toss your cape in the air to your left, and aim around the right side of the column half a second later. Your cape is riddled with bullets, but you return the favor. Your second volley of bullets has left only two humans in the building alive, but one is choking out from a stomach wound, and the other has taken a stray bullet to the leg, and is crawling away. You take a handgun from a nearby soldier and kill the crawling one. The other human you leave to die.

You reach the top floor where the sniper is hiding with little incident after that. The sniper is a woman, still watching the bunker where your fellow trolls are hiding. She has Ahab's crosshairs up to her face, and you can see her also wearing earplugs to prevent distraction and ear damage. She never sees you coming.

You head to the other windows on the top floor and check through your scope for the others. Sollux is clearly alright, tossing tanks around with what is clearly a psionic overdose. You wonder if Sollux has found the mind honey again, and kill a few of the soldiers trying to gun him down. Hopefully you can use that for some pitch flirting later.

Vriska seems to have noticed Ahab's Crosshairs firing, because she's changed course from Sollux to you. Several buildings behind her you see Doctor Scratch exiting, pulling some sort of sticky bullshit from his suit. Ahab's Crosshairs don't seem to want to focus on him though. As you try to aim at him you find your scope suffering from some sort of static interference, the image becoming blurry. You curse under your breath and leave the tower to find the others and warn them of the news.

Your name is Vriska Serket, and you're pretty sure this is the most fun you've had in ages! As you've tried to find your comrades, you've turned two humans inside out; given one a cat's head, turned the limbs of four men into stumps, and gave one a silly hat (you had to punch him). Then you saw Eridan shooting from a high window, and decided to track him down next. He would likely know where everyone else is.

As you reach the building, a blast of light burns into the sky to your right. You sigh irritably and start running towards Eridan's new signal, but not before a third blast lights up the sky. You rush in the direction of the next signal just in time to see Equius throw a bomb at the outer wall.

The explosion knocks you off of your feet, and can feel yourself bruising as you crash into a pile of tires. You can tell everyone else is still recovering from the blast as well. Equius stands in the middle of the mess unperturbed, Nepeta clinging to him like a big dorky backpack. You find yourself wondering when he found the time to make a bomb that big.

As everyone else starts to pull themselves to their feet, you see Equius grabbing some sort of armored truck and pushing it to block the area between two buildings, effectively blocking the road behind you. He then busies himself by tearing the side off of the thing.

A large flash comes from behind the truck, and Sollux levitates over it, flashing his reds and blues like a policeslayer vehicle. A bullet strikes him in the shoulder, and he falls to the ground with a hiss.

"Equius, you sweaty fucker! You almost got me killed!" He yells angrily, "Were you trying to cut me off or were you just being a colossal dumbass? Oh wait, I forgot, you're always a colossal dumbass."

"Time is of the essence, Captor. We are taking heavy fire, and our party is already down by two. Though I would be lying if I said the thought of double-crossing you wasn't somewhat… appealing to me." Equius has a grim smirk on his face as he continues to strip the wall of the truck. Honestly you thought the double-crossing comment was pretty clever, so you're more or less in the same state.

Feferi has rushed over to tend to Sollux's wound and gives Equius a withering glare, causing him to amend hastily, "I did not intentionally cut off the lowblood, it was an unexpected incident." He grunts as he twists the last bit of the truck off of the vehicle, and holds it in front of him. "I will take point. Follow behind me closely, our window will be short." You realize his plan and rush over to Terezi.

"How are you at running?" You ask her breathlessly, as she whirls to face you in surprise. Not a good sign.

"Vriska, I didn't know you were back!" She looks past you, and the look of confusion on her face says it all. "I can hardly tell where anything is right now, things are too chaotic for me to taste any colors."

You grab her hand and smirk. "Just stick close to me, Redglare. For two girls as badass as we are, one eye is moooooooore than enough!"

Your name is Nepeta Leijon, and you are on the prowl. Back on Alternia everything was considered prey to anything else. But this isn't Alternia. You've killed wild animals with your bare hands, and humans are a lot slower than wild animals. From the way they react to your presence you think it's safe to say they don't have night vision either.

You and Equius are leading the charge tonight, especially now that Kanaya is- nope, not thinking about that right now, can't afford to think about that now. You can only think about your claws, your prey, and covering your moirail's back. When the back you have to cover is as big as Equius', that's no small feat. Distractions cannot be allowed until you're safe.

Equius has built himself a shield out of the truck he got his explosives from, and is about to rush the hole he's blown in the wall. Your job is to make sure the way is clear for the others.

Equius steps around the wall and the spotlight shines on him almost immediately. He holds up his shield and nods to you, and you reattach yourself to his shoulders. Then you're moving. Equius is snarling as he starts to run, which turns into an all out roar as bullets hit his makeshift shield. One skims his fingers, wrapped around the edge of the shield, and he almost fumbles. Your world becomes nothing but light, as your ears ring from gunfire and yelling.

Then suddenly everything slides back into focus, and you realize Equius has reached the wall. He starts to lower the shield, and you climb so that you're standing on his shoulders, and pounce to the top of the wall. A human cries out in shock as you land at his feet, and you open his throat before he can raise his weapon. You grab his knife from his belt and throw it at the next guard. It misses him, but causes him to flinch enough to kill him as well.

You scamper forward and reach the tower where the humans are shining their lights. Now that you're inside, you use the walls to fly at the few humans remaining, bouncing around until you've killed everyone inside. You reach the top floor and slash the spotlight cables, killing their vision. You look to the other side of the gap in the wall, and see Equius throw his shield hard enough to obliterate the other light tower.

A moment later you notice movement at the opening in the wall. Karkat has rushed through the opening and is running into the woods ahead of everyone else. You jump down from the tower and chase him to the woods. He is moving as fast as he can, but you are more used to running through the woods than he ever will be, and you pouncetackle him to the ground before he can get anywhere.

"Karkat, what are you doing!?" You cry out in distress as he screams in rage and shock. "You have to stay with the group!"

"Nepeta, you crazy furry freak, get off of me!" He flails uselessly against the ground, but you let him up anyways. He staggers to his feet and turns to face you.

His face is dead. He is trying to look grumpy and angry and funny like usual, but you can see right through it. His frown is strained, his eyes are bloodshot, his face is streaked with red tears, and he's clawing into his arms. It's taking everything he has not to break down right now, and looking at him like this kills you.

The two of you stare at each other for several minutes, neither saying a word. The sound of gunfire is distant at this point. You hadn't realized you'd moved so far away. Equius must be worried sick. "Karkat, we need to go back."

"You need to go back. I need to leave." Karkat says quietly. He turns his head aside so he's no longer making eye contact. "I can't be around you guys anymore."

"Leave where?"

"Anywhere. As long as I'm away from you guys it will be alright." He's turning away more now, shuffling his feet nervously.

You're crushed. You haven't been able to look Karkat in the eyes for weeks now, ever since he caught you staring at his blood. You can't imagine how he's lived with such a burden for as long as he has, and the guilt you felt when he called himself a freak was suffocating. It still is.

It's obvious what's happening. He hates you. Karkat hates you all for thinking his blood color is weird. And you can't blame him. His blood is unusual. You don't hold the hemospectrum in high regard like Equius, but you know when a blood color doesn't belong on it. The hemospectrum is ingrained in trolls from their days as wigglers, and while many reject the brainwashing, there's no denying that on some level you know that Karkat's mutation is something almost entirely unheard of.

"Karkat, I know I stared at your blood, and I know I shouldn't have done that!" You cry out desperately. "But I also know that it doesn't really matter! Even if you have red blood, you're still Karkat!"

"Exactly," Karkat says somberly as he turns back to face you. His face is nearly devoid of emotion now. "My blood color is unimportant. What's important is I'm Karkat. And that's the real problem."

You can do nothing but stare at him in shock and confusion, and he takes this as a cue to elaborate. "I am a monster. I am not meant to exist. I am a terrible creature, who should have been culled years ago. Not because of my blood color though. I need to be culled because I can't do anything but get other people killed."

Your attempt to protest goes unheard as he starts to rant louder. "Aradia is dead, without so much as a trace that she ever really existed. Kanaya is dead with a hole in her stomach. Tavros had to get his legs amputated in order to ever walk again. Gamzee is losing his mind. Sollux got shot and is living with the guilt for something that was my fault to begin with. Vriska lost her arm and freaky spider eye. Terezi is now blind. And Feferi gave up her shot at becoming the new empress, at changing our fucked up race for the better! All because I wanted to run away, like a coward!"

You're speechless. You try to come up with something to say, but your thoughts are disrupted when you hear Equius calling your name in a panic. You turn to stare back at the base, and hear Karkat starting to run away. You turn back to him and cry out.

"Karkat, wait!" You don't chase him this time. You don't have to; he stops a short distance away. He turns back to face you. You're desperate to keep him with you at this point, but you don't know how to break through to him. Those hollow eyes feel impenetrable, like you'll never break through to him. And you find yourself blurting out a secret you haven't told him even in your wildest dreams. "Please don't leave me Karkat! I love you! I love you so much it hurts!"

Karkat smiles at you, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Nepeta, I'm not allowed to love anyone. I'm not even meant to exist." You feel yourself freeze up, and he runs for it. When Equius finds you you're crying. You don't stop until he's carried you far away.

It's only then that you realize the two of you are alone.

Notes:

This was originally going to be one big chapter, but as time went on I realized I was only halfway through the damn thing and it was already longer than every chapter yet. This is one of those sequences I've wanted to write since the idea of Blood Pride first came to me though, so I'm glad to get the first part of the escape sequence out. Things have become more complex here as I decided to give each troll their own part in the narration. Those you haven't seen talk yet will get their part soon. Except for the dead ones. They don't get a part because they're dead. Haa haa, hee hee, hoo hoo.


	5. Stubborn About Living

Your name is Equius Zahhak, and you can't handle the situation anymore. You've held yourself together for a long time, through the fire, and the prison, and now your escape. But things have just become complicated.

There is a very small list of people that you are required to guard as a troll so near the top of the hemospectrum. The first, Feferi Peixes, has blood of a beautifully royal hue, and while her eccentricities are somewhat disconcerting to you, she has the grace expected of somebody with Tyrian blood.

Feferi has escaped already. With her went Eridan, whom you are obligated to hate due to his status as a seadwelling troll (a hatred which obviously does not extend to miss Peixes), and Sollux, who you hate because fudge that guy. The three reached the gap and are waiting for the others outside.

Terezi and Vriska deigned not to wait, however. The two left as soon as they reached the gap, and now only Gamzee and Tavros are left.

Gamzee is the second troll whom you are required to protect, his blood being as rich a purple as can be seen amongst land-dwelling trolls. His behavior may be deplorable, but as a highblood you are obligated to serve him.

Gamzee is in danger now. He has been trailing behind with Tavros, but they have been moving slowly. Nitram's legs are malfunctioning; likely due to all of the stairs he refused to stop climbing. His legs were strained too much too soon, and now they are locking up. Tavros is trying to run, but seems unable to bend his knees enough to facilitate a proper stride. And Gamzee refuses to leave him for dead, as is customary protocol with weak trolls.

The humans are closing in. Their leader, Scratch, is travelling at the head of the pack, and has set sights on the duo. He is holding a rifle to his face, and preparing to fire. Your first priority should be to take the bullet for Gamzee. As a Blue-blooded troll it is your duty to give your life for the hemospectrum.

The complication arises with the last troll you need to protect. Your moirail, Nepeta, has left to chase the mutant. Her personal feelings have clouded her judgment, as you feared. Should she choose to follow the mutant blood you may never find her again.

You are trapped now. On one side of the wall is your moirail, the one person who loves and understands you. On the other side is your duty, your role as a troll. It is a choice between love and identity, and you fear it may break you.

The humans decide they'd rather break you themselves though. The roar of flying machines cuts through the air. Lights shine on you and the remaining trolls. A human fires upon you with an explosive projectile. As you see the shot come at you, you see the Scratch Doctor fire a bullet through one of Tavros' legs. He falls to the ground with a pitiful wail. Gamzee cries out in rage and stands over him, head lowered. The rest is lost in the explosion, which sends you flying from your perch on top of the wall. You land in a heap of dust and find yourself struggling to get up. Very disconcerting.

Feferi rushes to your side, helping you to your feet. You notice with appreciation the way her lifetime of swimming has given her enough strength to do this. Once you're on your feet you start to move towards the wall again. While Nepeta's disappearance is highly distressing to you, the highblood is clearly in more imminent danger.

Feferi stops you though. "Equius you can't go back there, now that they know how dangerous you are they'll kill you on sight!"

You pause and regard her properly as hemospectrum would dictate. "Lady Peixes, as a blue blood it is my duty to lay down my life for those of a higher caste than myself. I must rescue Makara from the human slime."

"To hell with that!" Feferi cries out angrily. "I don't know what they're planning for Gamzee or Tavros, but I know if we give ourselves to them we won't be helping anyone! The four of us need to stick together, find the others, and figure out what we're going to do next."

You don't know what to do anymore. Gamzee has been trapped by the humans, with only a lowly brown-blooded cripple of a troll to watch over him. He needs assistance immediately or else he will fall victim to the FELT again. He is also running dangerously low on his soporifics, and you know the withdrawal symptoms will make him a danger to himself and everyone around him.

Feferi, on the other hand, is well protected, with the detestable sea dweller and mustard-blooded psionic to guard her. While you find their company abhorrent, you know they are strong enough to keep her safe. Does this mean you should leave Feferi with her adequate protection and defy orders to do your duty?

And there is also Nepeta to consider. You shudder to think of what may be happening to her, what sort of corruption her proximity to the mutant may bring. And while she is certainly strong for one of her caste, unbelievably so in fact, you know the only way you'll feel confident in her safety is if you're with her.

Feferi makes the decision for you in the end though. She seems to have thought of a way to tip the scales, as a leader and high member of the hemocaste should. "Equius, go find Nepeta and keep her safe. That's an order." She looks at you sternly, and you find yourself free from doubt. The future empress has ordered you to protect your moirail. You don't know why you ever considered doing anything differently.

"Thank you, Feferi." You say to her with a small smile. She grins up at you, clearly pleased with herself for solving your dilemma. You turn to the others, watching from a distance. "I will leave now to save my moirail from potential harm. You will get Lady Peixes away from here. I will return as soon as I am able. Should I find any harm has befallen her I will use the full brunt of my strength against you."

Sollux opens his mouth to reply, likely with some manner of profanity, as lowbloods tend to favor. But you do not stay to hear him. Instead you head in the direction you saw Nepeta running before, calling her name and praying you find her. You push all thoughts of Gamzee to the back of your mind.

Really, you found him to be atrocious company anyways.

Your name is Gamzee, and you're not sure what to do. Your flush crush is on the ground nursing a leg that is now falling to fucking pieces. You are surrounded by men with guns. Your friends are nowhere to be seen. And you can feel yourself slipping into a rage again.

The pale looking motherfucker who leads this circus of assholes is standing over Tavbro, and has a gun held to his head. He can see the way you look at him. This motherfucker sees every mother-fucking thing. If it weren't such bad news for you, you'd call it a miracle. Instead you'll call it a bunch of bullshit.

"Yes Mr. Makara, you'll behave if you don't want your little friend here to die." The cue ball snaps his fingers and two of his men drag Tavros away.

"Uhh, don't worry Gamzee, I'm sure I'll probably be alright, so-" They drag him around the corner and out of earshot. You want to follow, but the bald motherfucker seems to have other ideas. You'd bash in his head, but you know his friends would riddle you and Tavros with bullets if you tried. Besides, cracking skulls open is not motherfucking cool. It's miraculous, and you'd love to do it. You briefly ponder the location of your remaining pies. You'd really like a pie, even if it rots your thinkpan.

"Now then, Mr. Makara. What exactly does your friend Mr. Zahhak mean when he refers to you as 'highblood'?"

You grin lazily at him, and find your smile broadening as some of the other humans act unnerved. "It means he's gonna rip the rest of this fucking base down to save me, motherfucker." He will, too. Not only is Equius one of your best mother fucking friends, he's also a slave to the hemocaste. You can trust he'll die like a bitch if it means saving you. Not that you'd want that to happen to such a motherfucking bro.

Scratch laughs at this. "We'll see Mr. Makara. We'll see."

You suddenly find yourself doubtful.

Your name is Tavros Nitram, and you're not sure much is going on with you at the moment. Well, yeah, you are being held prisoner, and you're not sure if they just forgot to finish fixing your leg, or if they just decided stopping the bleeding was enough. And yes, your only friend left on the base is sinking into violent, murderous, insanity…

Okay, your name is Tavros Nitram, and your life sucks. It sucks so much right now you don't even have to hesitate to label it. Your life is sucky. There. It's official. You are now a hostage, locked away in a room, and while your potential savior (and maybe flush crush?) is in fact not in another layered brick fortified structure, you don't think you'll be getting out of here soon. Not when the token fire breathing evil overlord of this world has a gun to your royal head.

Unfortunately for you though, there's nothing you can do. Your left leg doesn't move anymore. Your right can barely bend. You are locked in a small cell with nothing to do but wait. So you do.

You have no option but to wait for an opportunity.

Your name is Kanaya Maryam, and you are dead. Or so you thought. You don't think a dead person can narrate, lacking the motor functions necessary for typing or speaking, so it would seem you are not as dead as you thought.

Your friends have left in the chaos, understandable under the circumstances. And while you're not sure how to meet up with them, you know that should be your second priority.

Your first priority is eating. It used to be bandaging the large hole in your stomach, but access to military first aid kits have allowed you to mostly deal with that issue. You're not sure how bandages will help a hole larger than your arm, but if nothing else you feel more comfortable now that your insides are no longer exposed to the air. Spilling your guts literally feels as personal as spilling your guts metaphorically, as you have recently found out.

The first issue having been solved, you now find yourself insatiably hungry. The few scraps of rations in the warehouse are unappealing to you though. You find that rather odd, as you're sure you've had some of these foods at one point or another, and even enjoyed some of them. Now however they appear as inedible to you as rubber.

Your hunt for sustenance is halted when a human enters, likely to investigate the damage done by a large group of angry trolls. However, while you feel it would be wise to hide, you find yourself oddly compelled to move closer.

You try to move to a vantage point, but the instant you move the human spots you. "Don't move, monster! Wait, what the hell?" His authority gives way to confusion as you both realize that you are glowing in the dark. The element of surprise has been thoroughly obliterated by your body's newly found desire to simulate a light fixture.

You decide to use the element of confusion in favor of the element of surprise, as the human fumbles with their weapon. You're upon him so fast neither of you know what happened. Your teeth bare, the gun is ripped away, you find his throat, and he dies with a gurgling scream before it registers to you that you are drinking his blood.

It tastes delicious. You once tried tasting a small amount of lusus blood in one of your young rainbow-drinker fantasies, but while that tasted horrendous, this is nourishing in a way you can't describe. It would seem that your brush with death has turned you into a rainbow drinker, and you may just have found your favorite flavor.

The human reduced to a husk, you find yourself stronger than ever. You can feel the wound in your stomach knitting itself together, slowly, but still at a faster rate than should be possible for such an injury. When you leave the warehouse the base is all but silent. It is disturbing, to say the least. While you're not sure about the fate of your comrades, the sound of approaching humans means your next move is clear.

In one last burst of speed you reach the nearest wall and clamber over it. You slink away into the night and run away, unsure where things will lead you. Both the path in life forced upon you and the path in the woods you have chosen are foggy, at best. You can only hope the others have escaped safely.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you have left your friends behind. It's for the best, really. They were a bunch of assholes, and you know if they continued to stay with you they'd only keep dying. Aradia was bad enough, but you and Kanaya were close. The blood on your hands is enough. If the others follow you they'll only add to the mix of color.

The best solution would probably be to kill yourself. If you're dead you can't put anyone in danger. But you don't want to think about what kind of information the FELT may be able to glean from your body. Besides, all the years you've defied the odds by surviving have left you feeling stubborn about living.

Instead, you're going to live on the run. You'll go solo, and then when bad luck strikes again you'll be the only one there to bite the bullet. It's really the safest thing for everyone else. Regardless of how they may feel about it. You know some of the group will take it better than others. Equius will be glad to see you gone, Vriska too, probably. Feferi will be upset, because you know she's been trying to prod you into a moirallegiance. But you still don't really know about that, you feel like sometimes she's interested in you because you're like a poster child for her hemocaste cause.

Nepeta's crying face flashes into your mind again and you find yourself stumbling. The silly cat-girl was supposed to be happy, and goofy, and always pretending to be her dopey lusus. Seeing her so lost, and miserable, and heartbroken, and knowing you're responsible, is haunting in a twisted way.

But she'll get over it. Her moirail may be a sweaty asshole, but he can be trusted to look after her. Aside from breaking shit and sweating all over everything he touches it's probably what he's best at. So she should be fine. You knew her romance was doomed to failure from the beginning anyways. You've known about her crush for years, but when pailing with somebody is a death sentence for both you and your partner, romantic involvement is the farthest thing from your mind. Well actually, romance is frequently the first thing on your mind, but that's largely because it's something you've always known you couldn't have. Sometimes life is just fucked up like that.

You climb over a fallen tree and see the lights of a small town in the distance. It's hardly a place you intend to stay at for very long, but you think it will do for now.

"Karkat descends towards the village, ready to plunder what he may." You mumble to yourself. "He fights past the horrifying realities of his personal failures and sudden desire to talk in the third person in order to focus on surviving."

"He's definitely not thinking of everyone he's left behind."

"He definitely can't remember the look on her face."

"Definitely not."

"…"

"Fuck."

Your name is Doctor Scratch, and this has not been a good night for you. You make a point of always being the smartest man in the room, though you hardly know everything. That being said, the extent to which you have underestimated those trolls shocks you. They were foolish, clearly adolescent, and they had suffered grave losses before they even encountered you. And yet…

The individual trolls were weak and foolish, but the species itself… they had a power to them. A great variety of powers, in fact. The mind control you were prepared for. And their weapons had been taken.

Other things were not so easy to predict. Psionic lasers, shrinking chainsaws, and the absolutely ludicrous strength of Mr. Zahhak. From the way he sweats you feel confident that troll in particular suffers from several different glandular problems.

This escape has been a preposterously large stain on a record that is otherwise a perfect white. And if there's one thing you cannot abide, it's stains. That being said though, the situation is still not beyond recovery.

You have a trump card now. Out of all the trolls you've met, there are some that have greatly impressed you. The strength of Zahhak, the resourcefulness of Serket, the tactical skills of Ampora, and Vantas in particular caught your interest as the only troll you were unable to glean information from.

But these trolls are all impressive individuals without easily exploitable weaknesses. Zahhak is prideful and strong, a dangerous combination, difficult to control. Serket is arrogant, but unpredictable, and the dice she wields are dangerous enough you kept them in your office where they could be kept safely (another miscalculation as it turned out). Ampora is too dangerous; his mind is that of a skilled warrior, despite his insecurities. And Karkat's mind is impenetrable; clearly the result of a troll skilled at keeping secrets behind an iron wall.

There is one way to tackle such trolls: their loved ones. But there too lies a problem. Zahhak's closest friend is a feral blade wielding cat troll, simple-minded, but no less dangerous. Pyrope, as you've recently discovered, is not as helpless as she appeared to be, and the talent for killing she showed during the escape has you wondering whether you've written her off too early. Ampora's closest allies appear to be Peixes, who has shown herself to be capable as a leader, and Captor, a psionic so powerful you're not sure you can contain him anymore. Vantas spent time with Peixes as well, but overall you're not sure if he's truly close to anybody.

Only one troll in the group has the potential to be controlled, the ability to be useful to you, and an easily exploitable weakness. Gamzee Makara has acted very unassuming and stupid throughout your time observing him, until earlier today. You had wondered why Zahhak had acted so deferentially towards him. Over time spent observing him you have managed to determine the social structure of the trolls, an unusual system based on blood color. And despite his clear idiocy, you have determined Makara is near the very top.

The incident between the trolls earlier today has enlightened you to a crucial fact: Gamzee Makara is dangerous. Unassuming, but dangerous, a combination you have learned to respect. Beneath his foolish exterior lies a deep rage. Behind his casual grin lies a vicious and sadistic mind. His slouch seems like the trait of a slacker, but in truth it is the tension of a hunter. This troll without his drugs could very well be dangerous enough to kill his fellow trolls, and laugh the whole while doing so.

As for his weakness, you are pleased to note that Makara has affections for Nitram, easily the most useless of the trolls. You made a snap decision when you saw the two making an escape. You're still not entirely confident Makara will live up to his potential. But he is your best chance. And by shooting Tavros you captured two trolls with one bullet.

And if Gamzee should fail, there are other options open to you. You have taken and preserved genetic samples from the different trolls, all twelve of them. And there are many routes open to you with such material. You once had a colleague who specialized in genetic manipulation, and not all of her notes are out of your reach.

Yes, you may have lost to the trolls tonight, but the war is still yours to win. They have nothing, not a single chance to survive this mess. It's only a matter of time until you hunt them down. They played you for a fool, but before this is over… you will show them who the real suckers are.

Haa haa.

Hee hee.

Hoo hoo.


	6. The Dead Don't Feel

You name is Aradia Megido, and you are at war in your mind.

Since becoming dead you have noticed you emotions slipping away from you. At first your biggest priority as a ghost was to look after your friends. You managed to maintain your focus enough to ease the ship to a rough landing, but since then you've found yourself drifting…

The voices seem to like leading you astray. Now that you're one of the dead, it's much harder to shut out their voices. They whisper to you constantly, trying to push you to work for them. Your psionic capabilities are rare amongst ghosts, and they seem to want you to act as a liaison. At first you found it irritating, but as is the case with many things you find yourself more apathetic about it now. Some part of you feels this is wrong, but there are so many voices drowning your thoughts out now that you don't usually pay it much heed.

This is not usual though. According to the spirits, you've been here almost a month in earth time, and you've been shrugging off the interference of the spirits for the most part. You can't stop listening to them, but you haven't let them control you. Until last night, that is. The voices of the dead have been calling to you, trying to make you do things that they feel have to happen. But last night you gave in, and did as they asked.

You shifted one gear, and now Tavros' legs have stopped working, and the humans have captured him and Gamzee. Your apathy is slipping. Things in your mind are far too chaotic considering you no longer have a brain.

You've hurt your friends with your powers, and now that little voice in the back of your mind is screaming. The voices of the dead are doing everything they can to drown that voice out. And it's hard for you to tell now whether you're still Aradia, or that tiny voice drowning amongst the dead is.

The dead can no longer drown your fear. You're not sure what's been happening over the past weeks anymore. You thought that the spirits were directing you away for silly, harmless reasons that only the dead could fathom. But that voice, that voice calling to you over the rabble, it's asking you what you've missed in the time you've been away from them.

Now you're here, looking down over the base, smoke billowing around you, as the humans drag Tavros away, as they lead Gamzee around at gunpoint. And then you see Doctor Scratch staring in your direction. For a moment it feels like he's staring straight at you, and then he turns away and goes about his business. If you still had lungs, you'd be breathing a sigh of relief. Still, you feel it best if you don't remain here.

Outside of the walls you find the last remaining trolls. Eridan, Feferi, Sollux, and Equius are all there, Feferi and Equius debating between themselves as the others watch. The voice in your head starts to cry out, and you feel it urging you to go to Sollux, to be with him. You no longer doubt that this voice belongs to the real Aradia. What does that make you then?

Aradia is emotional, joyful, a young rust-blooded troll with a passion for adventuring. She enjoys role-playing, and exploring ancient relics, and archeology. What about you? You are fearful, dead, dispassionate, and are being played by the dead like a puppet on a string. You aren't an alternate personality, there's not enough substance to you for that. Which can only mean that you are a mask, a shell. You exist only to protect that voice, the real Aradia, as the dead attempt to quell her thoughts and use you for their purposes. It won't be long at this rate until you lose your ability to hear Aradia altogether.

In the time you spend processing this a matter of mere seconds pass you by. You look back to the remaining trolls to see them splitting up. Equius goes one way, the rest of them go the other way. Aradia seems to desperately wish for you to follow Sollux. The ghosts want you to stay where you may be useful, here the base.

You tune both of them out. The ghosts of humans, and the few trolls that have followed you here, seem to have an idea of how things should likely pan out. Aradia cares only about being with the people she loves. But there is something more important you have to do. You follow Equius, despite Aradia's protests.

Equius may not be pleasant company, but he has tools, and knowhow. If you can somehow contact him, he may be able to forge Aradia a new body. It's the only chance you have to save her before she succumbs to the voices.

Equius has found Nepeta at this point, and is taking off through the woods. You notice Nepeta is quite upset about something, and Aradia seems crushed to see her crying. You decide to distance yourself from the two, so you don't end up witnessing any pale interactions between the two. It wouldn't be proper to snoop on them when they're getting intimate.

Several hours later they take refuge in a cave not far outside of a small town. The sun is rising on the horizon by now, and you float outside, wondering if you'd be intruding if you went in now. You're shocked when you look again and see Equius standing next to you. You remember that the sun here is not as dangerous as on Alternia, but you still have to imagine it's painful for trolls to stand in it.

Suddenly Equius is on the move, jumping away from the mouth of the cave and sprinting away at terrifying speeds. You float after him, trying your best to keep up.

Equius is moving at least twice as fast as before now that he doesn't have to watch over Nepeta, and his pace is downright blistering. Even the ghosts seem impressed. They're hardly saying anything. Though you feel like your destination may be another reason.

Equius has reached the top of a hill overlooking the base. He's scanning desperately for something. Your comrades perhaps?

Equius gets up to move, but stops when he realizes he's still got his robotic equipment strapped to his back. The pack sinks well into the ground as he drops it, and you know if you don't do something he's going to rush in and get himself killed.

You consider pulling him back, but know that if he struggles it could draw attention from below. Thinking fast, you shake the toolbox, causing it to rattle. Equius stops and regards the box with suspicion. Encouraged by the reaction you shake it more.

Equius stares at the box sternly, as though willing it to behave, before his curiosity wins out and he opens the box. You float one of his spare mechanical arms in the air and wave to him.

Equius' reaction is not what you expected. He stares at the arm in shock, and becomes visibly agitated. "It can't be." He mutters to himself and starts to pace back and forth. "It can't be her. There's no possible way. But humans are not capable of this…" He clutches his head and lets out a long hiss, and finally straightens his back.

"Aradia. Is that you?" Equius' posture is straight, but you can see his face is tense, his fists clenched. You're not sure how he was able to tell it was you, but it's clear your presence is unsettling to him. You move the arm in front of you and bob it up and down in the air. And Equius drops.

You were not expecting this. At all. Equius has always been creepy, strong, and kind of an asshole. And the few times you've spoken to him he's shifted between outrage at talking to a lowblood, and being oddly polite. Truthfully he's always been completely impossible to figure out, and while Nepeta's always insisted that Equius isn't as bad as he seems, you've struggled to believe her as Equius continued to quote the hemocaste the same way lowbloods quote the Signless.

Now, the same troll who has quoted strength and title as the most important facets of culture is sitting here crying. He's on all fours, weeping openly, and you find it doubtful he's sad to know you're still here. What this means, you're not sure. But you know you won't find out unless you can find a way to communicate with him.

You regard the arm you've been floating around for a moment and inspiration strikes you. You tug and pull at it with psychokinesis, until you manage to pull it apart and get at the wiring within. Ripping the wiring into pieces allows you to shape it into lettering, and you go about trying to communicate with Equius.

 _Are you alright, Equius?_

Equius glances up at your lettering and jumps. He starts frantically wiping at his eyes and trying to pretend he hasn't been emoting. He jumps up and coughs nervously, sweating profusely. "Ah yes, my apologies. I was, well…" He lowers his head awkwardly, "I didn't expect to hear from you again."

You look at him standing there, looking more insecure than you've ever seen him. And as much as you want him to explain his strange behavior, you know there are more important things that need to be addressed.

 _Why are you back here?_

"I have returned for the highblood." Equius suddenly stiffens and becomes businesslike again. "As I was evacuating my moirail from danger I realized that by leaving Makara to the mercy of humans I have shamed my entire caste. If I do not lay down my life for the hemospectrum I am unfit to call myself a troll."

 _Do you think I am unfit to call myself a troll?_

"I- well…"

 _How about Nepeta?_

"That is an exceptionally unfair-"

 _Dying like a fool does not make you any more of a troll. And failing to carry the world on your shoulders does not make you less of one._

"You are wrong." Equius sighs as he shakes his head sadly. "Since I was young there have been expectations placed upon me to serve the empire and uphold the duties that come with my place on the hemocaste. Unless I do that I will not belong."

 _Why would you think that?_

"Look at me." Equius gestures to himself, standing there, sweaty, muscular, and alone. "I am not normal. I am defective. This strength I possess is not a trait held by blue bloods. It is exclusive to myself. It makes me powerful, yes, but also excluded. My strength is such that even the strongest of household items twist and shatter in my grip." He sighs and looks aside. "I am as out of place as the most candy blooded trolls, unless I make a name for myself. And that route is no longer open to me."

You don't know what to say anymore. All this time, Equius has been as lost as anyone else in your group. You don't know how he's held this façade for so long.

 _Why are you telling me this?_

"You asked. Most people don't care to know about me." He smiles sheepishly, and you wonder how you ever considered Equius to be so unpleasant. He's certainly a classist asshole, but he's also just as vulnerable and insecure as the rest of you. You focus on him again as he mumbles something to himself.

 _What was that?_

"It's not important." Equius looks down at his hands and sighs. "We should leave this place. I have come here based on a rash decision, and should I be spotted here I will have put Nepeta in harms way once again. I will rescue the Highblood at a more opportune time."

 _They won't let you escape if you come back here._

"I haven't changed my mind. When the time comes I will lay my life down for the highblood. But this," he states as he closes his toolbox, "is an exceptionally bad time. They are still on high alert. Were I to attempt to break in I would not be able to rescue Makara or Nitram safely."

 _You intend to rescue Tavros?_ It hasn't escaped you that this is the first time he's mentioned saving Tavros as well. His classist tendencies are still in play, despite your bloodpusher to bloodpusher.

"If I wish to rescue one, then I must rescue both." Equius says irritably. "They will not leave each other behind. They are flushed for each other after all, regardless of societal taboos." He throws his toolbox over his back and strides back the way he came.

 _I was not aware you paid much attention to quadrants. Your relationship with Nepeta was very spontaneous as I recall._

"It was, yes." Equius says with a fond smile, "And my moirallegiance is precisely how I became more perceptive to quadrants. Her love for shipping, foolish though it may be, does enlighten one to matters of romance." He stops suddenly and turns towards your text. "On that note I have something to ask you.

 _By all means._

"Why are you here with me?" He says it so fast you almost can't understand him. "I know Captor would likely be more suitable company for you than I am. And yet you have deigned to follow me on my excursion instead of him. I was of the impression you were quadranted?"

If you weren't a ghost you'd blink at this. Even you aren't sure what your relationship with Sollux is (was?). While you were able to agree that you were together, Sollux never seemed able to decide which quadrant the two of you were in. You suppose it's all been part of his obsession with bifurcation, though you'd be lying if it didn't make things difficult sometimes.

 _It's complicated._

 _Sollux and I, I mean._

 _I definitely love him, but I don't exactly know how? Especially now that I'm dead. It's hard to sort emotions when you barely have them anymore._

"You lack emotions now?" Equius seems curious now, not to mention… sad? Angry? You're not entirely sure. But you know he's not as horrible a person as you thought, and you may be able to use this to get your body back.

 _The dead don't feel, Equius. I have been dead for a short time, and yet my thoughts have been slipping away. In time I shall lose my capacity for rational thought completely._

"And you require my assistance." Equius groans as he starts to pick up his speed. "You wish for me to make you a body."

 _How did you know?_

"I am an expert in artificial limbs. As well as an expert in mediculler techniques." Equius shrugs. "I have studied in many different techniques over the sweeps, as is befitting a strong mind. Those two have been in high demand lately."

 _Can you do this?_

Equius takes a deep breath and stares into the sky. "It is difficult to say. An exceedingly challenging job like this would be a colossal undertaking even with the full brunt of my lab technology. Without my materials… it will take time. A great deal of time."

 _But you will do it?_

Equius looks at you, or rather your text, and you can see his face is resolute. "I will do it. I will make you a body. No matter how long it takes."

 _Thank you. Thank you so much._

Equius smiles awkwardly again, and starts to sprint back to Nepeta. You trail along behind him, letting the wires snake around you as you fly. It's funny; the way he's acting is so different from how you always thought he was. He had acted like he hated you and Tavros and Sollux for as long as you can remember, and yet he saved Sollux from dying to the crash. He made Tavros new legs. And he openly cried over your death in front of you.

You still think Equius is a jackass, but now that you know the root of it you feel like you can understand him at least a little bit. And while you were with him you felt like you understood yourself again as well. The voices went silent when you were around Equius, as though he scared them away, or voided them out.

And now Equius is getting ahead of you. You haven't been trying very hard to keep up, so he's not there to keep the spirits away. You realize this just as the voices return.

 _You thought you could shut us out?_

 _Why did you leave us Aradia?_

 _WE NEED YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH._

 _Please don't leave again miss!_

 _You think your friend can protect you from us?_

 _You want to just forget we're here?_

 _You have to do what we say or things will get bad for you. And your friends._

 _That sweaty monster won't always be here to shut us out._

 _He's gonna die, you know? Clown's gonna fuck him up._

 _CAN'T SHUT US OUT THEN. WE'LL HAVE YOU SOON ENOUGH._

 _We need you to help us, dear. You're the only one who can touch their world._

 _You monsters are going to regret coming to earth._

 _Please help us Aradia!_

 _You can't keep down the clown, Megido. He'll kill you all soon enough._

Some are angry, some tearful, some young, and some old. Their voices hit you like a wave, crashing into you in a cacophony of sound and emotion. You scream as you feel your mind fraying at the edges, and you realize you've let your defenses down while you were talking with Equius. When did the mask's voice become your own?

When did you let Aradia out? You had wanted to keep her locked away safely out of reach of these spirits. Some are friendly, but others are hateful, so, so hateful. You thought trolls were savage, but these humans have rage and cold fury to rival the most dangerous trolls. And what some of them said…

Gamzee is going to kill Equius. The voices said it clearly. You always thought Gamzee was harmless, but the spirits have a way of knowing how things are going to happen. You follow after Equius more closely now, and hear the voices receding. But the damage has been done. The same troll who you need to survive, the troll who makes the voices go away, is the troll who you know is going to die. And now that you know him you're not sure you can live with that.

Notes:

Honestly I'm not entirely sure this chapter coveys everything I want it to. But I've given it my best effort. What you see here is the beginning of my real experimentation with characters.

Aradia is not a character I particularly like. She has a pretty face, sure, but that's about it. Quite frankly, she's boring. No emotions, does what the voices tell her to do, and after coming back to life she spends her whole time on the sidelines grinning like a maniac. But that's not really who she is. Aradia is a character who has died and come back to life. But resurrection doesn't turn back the clock. Homestuck's Aradia is permanently damaged. She has spent years with little company other than corpses. And it has changed her. But while Blood Pride's opening is meant to emulate Homestuck to some extent, the timeline, motivations, and causes surrounding the misfortunes that befall the trolls have been altered. This is why Vriska and Terezi are still allied, as the FLARP incident is not the reason for the injuries everyone suffers. It is also why Aradia is not dead to the world. Yet.

Aradia as a character before her accident was interesting. Lively, feisty, brave, and proud, the glimpses we see of her as a character back then make her condition when we first meet her all the more tragic. But Aradia's ghost is still Aradia. Her memories are still there, and her decimation of Vriska tells us that her emotions remain on some level as well. While you can argue that her lack of body means lack of emotions, that seems ridiculous. If memories don't vanish when she dies, why would other aspects of her character?

So we see here Aradia as she is slipping. Her mind is there, but a ghost amongst the dead is bound to slip away like the others. The voices that call Aradia are remnants. Aradia has a powerful mind, and the idea that she would lose her personality but the other ghosts would not is absurd. The spirits are emotion, feeling, willpower, but are not really people anymore, just as Aradia in Homestuck isn't really the person she once was. Unlike Homestuck, however, Aradia is not as isolated here. The way she died leaves much less in the way of bad blood between the trolls, in particular the critical levels of resentment she held towards highbloods after Tavros' injury. This is why she is not as adverse towards Equius' help as she would be otherwise.

Equius on the other hand exists in Homestuck as a character with beautiful depth and conflict but not nearly enough development. What you see above is my interpretation of his motivations. I have always felt Equius' adherence to the hemospectrum and appreciation of the most noble of practices on Alternia was the result of insecurity. You can see evidence of this most abundantly in Seek the Highblood, when he confides in Nepeta his hurt at being left behind by Aradia, as well as his decision to program Aradia to love him. Were he truly a confident blueblood he would not rely on such tactics, and likely wouldn't seek to fill quadrants in lower castes at all.

I have never believed that Equius' colossal strength was natural. There's his vegetarian diet, first of all, unsuited to athletics. But more telling is his inability to use basic items such as a simple glass. If such strength was in a troll low on the hemospectrum it would not be impossible. But Equius is a blueblood. He is well within the upper tier of the hemospectrum. And if his strength was natural to his hemotype then there is no chance that items wouldn't be made to compensate for it.

In other words, Equius would have to be alone for this to be a problem. He is a mutant, cursed with an absurd amount of power, beyond the level to which troll goods are built to withstand. And while he could simply order such goods made by somebody lower on the spectrum, that would be an admission of weakness. Equius does not have the luxury of appearing weak.

Trolls are devoted to the natural order of the hemospectrum. It is the most important facet of their society. Homestuck doesn't really explain the depth of this, as Equius is the only troll in the gang who truly favors the hemospectrum. Eridan pretends to be above others, but his insecurities are even more apparent, and he casts it aside once it stops working in his favor. Equius holds to it tightly though. As a mutant with strength beyond even the strongest trolls if Equius was not devoted to the hemospectrum he'd likely be perceived as a threat to the higher castes. His religious adherence to societal order may very well be a sort of defence mechanism, to prove he is not dangerous. This is only a theory though.

What is clear is that Equius has little holding him together. He flaunts his blood color like a wall, so that nobody can question his status or where he belongs, and this has led to his distance from the other trolls, regardless of his skills. The question is: will he change before it is too late for him?


	7. Interplanetary Ambassador

Your name is Dave Strider, and you are hating this weather. Seriously it's hot enough to fry an egg on the fucking sidewalk.

It's hot enough that you're so damn exhausted by this shitty sunlight you can't even think of a good metaphor for how damn hot it is. Egg on the sidewalk? Shit's weak. Your bros would eat you alive if they heard you say something that cliché. You need to get home with your payload before you lose your Striderisms altogether.

You normally don't leave the apartment when the heat waves hit, but this was an emergency case. You failed to stock up on apple juice. You opened your minifridge and found nothing but leftover pizza. During a heat wave this lapse in preparation is a serious crisis. You need to stay hydrated if you're going to get through this heat wave without permanent brain damage. You could just drink water but fuck that.

Anyways, here you are, walking through downtown Houston, trying to get your bottled ambrosia back to your shitty apartment before your family can rig your room with puppet sex toys again. Who are you kidding, you've been gone half as long from your house and still found smuppet traps laid in every nook and cranny in your room. Sometimes it really sucks being the only Strider without a homosexual puppet fetish.

Your thoughts trail off as you look to your right and see somebody wearing the most fucked up outfit you've ever seen. You hope to god that it's ironic because it's almost beautiful in how ugly it is. This freak is wearing bright red baggy pants, a jacket the color of dogshit, a green scarf that seems to be wrapped around their head four times over, fryer gloves, and like the cherry on the shit sundae, a tall baby blue top hat.

Your opinion changes swiftly from impressed to suspicious when you realize they're walking into a shop in that getup and are perfectly disguised from anyone that might be watching. Honestly the fryer gloves should have tipped you off to that from the start, but that hat just locked your attention like a goddamn laser pointer. Holy shit you want that hat. Where do you even buy something so beautifully hideous?

And while you were sitting there daydreaming about giant top hats you see the snappy dresser has left the sandwich shop with at least six footlongs. You're pretty sure there's no way to make six footlong subs in such a short time frame, so you decide to stick your head inside and see what's up.

Everyone in the shop is asleep. The folks at the tables, the guys behind the counter, that fat lady who was on her way to the bathroom, and now has rolls just expanding all over the place. It's like the bitch is made out of gravy. You think you're gonna leave before you have to bleach your eyeballs.

At any rate you know how snappy got their hands on those sandwiches. You check down the alley they ducked down, and see the same dogshit jacket they were wearing lying on the ground. And just past them is the scarf. You don't make a point of chasing sandwich thieves, but if the disguise is being ditched… that hat… it beckons.

Yeah you're chasing a criminal with access to some sort of sleeping gas for a stupid looking blue top hat. This is the Strider level of devotion to irony. And you wouldn't have it any other way.

Of course you find yourself wondering if you've fucked up a minute later when you see two freaky cosplayers with grey skin and horns around the corner tearing into the sandwiches. They don't look particularly dangerous, but you're still not sure how they knocked out a sandwich shop full of people. Maybe you'll do without the hat.

You step back to leave and see a flash of blue. You're preparing for evasive maneuvers but pause when you see the blue is a bunch of game dice. You watch them curiously as the roll to a stop, and suddenly start glowing. Time to resume getting the fuck out of here.

Suddenly the dice grow brighter, and you throw an arm over your face as they reach the equivalent of a flashbang in intensity. Okay, these guys are bad news, and they know exactly where you are. You flashstep out of the alley before you can get into trouble, and take off for home. Without your shitty katana at hand you're pretty sure you want to take them on. And more important than your lack of weapons is the apple juice, which must be protected at all costs.

Wait.

Where is the apple juice?

Where the FUCK has your apple juice gone?

You did not do something so stupid as to leave your apple juice back in that alley. That definitely did not just happen.

…

No one can ever know about this.

Okay, so you need to go back to save your juice from evil flashbang packing cosplayers. You also need to find that goddamn hat, because if you're going back there you are going the whole fucking way. Without your katana though you have nothing to fight with, which is a problem because you don't use flashbangs unless you've got some sort of weaponry or martial skill to back it up.

Fighting will not be an option. This much is clear. But you do have the advantage of speed. Flashstepping is a Strider original, after all. Okay so it's actually an anime thing, but Striders are the only ones who actually practice it. You dart down the alley and peer around the corner. You see the cosplayers packing up the sandwiches, along with your juice. And the hat is… on the ground next to the taller one. A closer look tells you that she's got some sort of mechanical arm, either a convincing fake or just a fancy prosthetic.

You decide to move in before they can run off with your apple juice, and decide to get their attention. It's time for… a distaction. Basically you flashstep in and take the hat. It gets the attention of the cosplayer with the mechanical arm, but the other doesn't appear to notice you yet. She's wearing glasses and has a cane. Blind? Or just faking it? It would explain the flashbang use if she was actually blind. A capable blind person is more than enough of an advantage if they go for your senses again.

"You know, around here ganking apple juice from a Strider is a capital offense." You remark casually, the top hat already perched on your head. Oh yes this was so worth it the robot girl is looking at you like you're insane. "If you lovely ladies don't put the juice down and back away slowly I'm going to have to unleash sweet fruity justice on your fine asses."

"Weeeeeeeell, it looks like you weren't scared off after all!" The robot girl says with a smirk. "Unfortunately for you Marquise Spinneret Mindfang never lets go of her booty."

Clearly this Mindfang person is going for a pirate theme, going from the stupid name, eye patch, and totally serious use of the word "booty". You're not sure if it's hilarious or sad how totally unironic she's being about this. Either way, you know exactly how to handle her. "Well shit that's fair enough, if I had a booty like yours I wouldn't want to let go of it either. Still gonna need the juice though."

You were expecting her to be embarrassed by your comment. What's odd though is that when she blushes her cheeks turn blue. Some sort of strange makeup, perhaps? Doesn't really matter, you guess. What's important is that you've already got her completely flustered. She likes to talk big, but clearly she's not used to Strider level witty banter.

You can definitely handle Mindfang. She's clearly dangerous, but she's also easily riled up. You decide to focus on the other one instead. She's laughing at your comment and that's not good. Laughing means comfort. Comfort means confidence, real confidence, as opposed to bravado. You've got two weapons at the moment: speed and banter. Far from ideal, especially if the blind one is unperturbed by snappy comebacks.

You decide to prod at them both some more, to see if you can make them slip up. "So, how about it? The juice, or your dignity? Which is it gonna be?"

"Oh my, it would appear that we are in fact dealing with some sort of coolkid!" the blind one cackles like a maniac as her head turns towards you. You see or a brief moment her tongue flicking out like a snake. "How do you intend to take our dignity, coolkid?" Oh man does she even know how that sounds holy shit.

"Well from the way your friend is reacting I think I took hers already." You say with a smirk. You flashstep next to her, just out of reach. "I get the impression it won't be so easy with you though." Blind doesn't seem vulnerable to banter or innuendo, so you figure playing them off of each other may work better.

You stop as eight dice bounce off of your chest. The flash bang dice again, shit. You jump back so that you aren't as close to the blind girl, and throw an arm over your eyes again. Except this time there is no flash. A tree grows in the middle of the alley instead. What. The. Fuck.

"You're not wearing costumes are you?" You jump away as Mindfang steps around the tree to chase you. "I mean shit, usually cosplayers aren't capable of much other than looking stupid."

"Noooooooope, not costumes." Mindfang drawls with a grin. She knows she's got the advantage again, and her bravado is returning stronger than ever. The element of surprise is hers now. "We are waaaaaaaay better than you humans."

"Aliens then. Hot damn that is dull." You jump into the tree and spy the bag of apple juice sitting next to the blind girl. "I mean really, grey skin and horns? That's just lazy alien design. We're talking Star Trek levels here. Give them pointy ears and call them Vulcans, oh no they're not people anymore they're space people! Much better!"

"We're called trolls." The blind troll calls out casually. "And trust me when I say we're definitely better."

"Is that why you need to steal our pitiful earth sandwiches?" You jump to her side. "I mean I can understand stealing apple juice because apple juice is the best fucking thing ever, but that sandwich shop was pretty shitty."

There it is. The blind girl is off guard for the first time you've seen. She's clearly a tough girl; her blindness doesn't seem to faze her. But this is a vulnerability that she can't fight past. "Even alien girls need to eat." She smiles ruefully as she turns to face you. You suddenly feel like the bad guy here.

Mindfang rushes back around the tree and gets between the two of you, head pointed down defensively. You step back, eying the girl's horns warily. "Okay shit, look, clearly we got off on the wrong foot here. I didn't come looking for a fight; I just want my fucking apple juice. Also this hat. I can't give up this hat, that is so completely non-negotiable."

"Aww, I kinda liked that hat." The blind girl says with a grin.

"That's because I'm the only one with a good eye between the two of us. Three of us apparently…" Mindfang turns to stare evenly at you. "Okaaaaaaaay, so here's the deal, Strider. We give you your damn juice; you agree not to tell everyone you know there are aliens hiding in this city. We're trying to keep a low profile here." She pockets her dice and grabs the bag of juice. You notice she's trying not to use her robot arm.

"Your arm broken?"

"None of your damn business, just take your stupid juice and go." Mindfang snaps at you. You look the two of them over again properly.

Both girls are looking pretty skinny, and while they're putting up a good front you can tell they're worn out. Mindfang's arm is definitely broken, from what looks like gunfire. You don't know what these two have been through, but you know it's likely been more difficult than you can imagine. Your decision is pretty clear at this point.

"Tell you girls what, I'll do you one better. You come to my place with me, get a good night's sleep, get that arm fixed up. I'd offer dinner as well but we've got more weapons in our kitchen than actual food."

Mindfang opens her mouth, likely to protest, but the blind girl cuts her off. "Well, well, a coolkid and a gentleman! I don't think you can fix a robot arm, though. The guy who made it was very skilled. We'll take you up on that offer though. My name is Terezi, and this is Vriska." Vriska groans, as her friend seems to take over.

You gasp in mock surprise. "Wait shit, you mean her name's not really Mindfang? Holy shit that's amazing I thought Mindfang was the most not fake sounding name ever!" Vriska sticks her tongue out at you and you smirk at her before you start walking down the alley. "Alright ladies, the name's Dave Strider. Just follow me and act natural, we'll be at my place in no time. And don't worry about the arm. I know a guy."

You pull out your cellphone and dial your bro. Normally you don't bother checking in with him when you're going out, but you figure you should warn him before you bring space aliens home. You don't have to wait long before he answers.

"Dave? The fuck are you dude, I thought you were buying apple juice?"

"Hey Bro. I'm heading home right now, just stopped to do my duty as interplanetary ambassador on the way."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Aliens, dude. Found a couple of space babes and decided to take them home for a good time."

"You're bringing home space aliens."

"That's right bro, so get out the good napkins, set up some doilies, and get some pants for your damn puppets, I don't want you embarrassing the human race with your pornography."

"Fuck off little man, you're the only one in my house who likes women anyways. So you can impress them on your own."

"Whatever dude, I'll be there in five." You hang up with a chuckle and turn back to the girls. "Alright, we're all clear on my end, let's get moving before my family can trash the house."

Terezi and Vriska follow closely, Terezi tapping along with her cane, and Vriska glaring at anyone who looks twice. You're not entirely sure about the logic behind inviting space aliens into your home, but whatever. This promises to be too entertaining for you to pass up.

You can only imagine what John will have to say about this.

Notes:

I originally just thought of the top hat as a way to cove Vriska's horns, but when I thought of how Dave is, I knew he'd want the thing by virtue of it's sheer ugliness and ironic potential. And from there this chapter more or less wrote itself.


	8. The Light in the Woods

Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you wish you could say you weren't expecting this. Unfortunately the writing that has been on the wall for several months now is now shifting to your monitor before your very eyes. You have received a text from your online boyfriend stating that he wishes to talk. Normally that would not be suspicious, but you know John is never available Friday evenings, as he spends those with his family. You expect the worst.

\- ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 01:41 -

GT: hey rose.

TT: John.

TT: I was not expecting to hear from you tonight.

TT: Did your family cancel movie night?

GT: oh, no, that's still going on…

GT: we were just watching con air and it made me realize something.

TT: Oh my, has Nicholas Cage's wifebeater led you to yet another epiphany?

TT: My goodness, will the wonders of that filthy shirt and it's crippling lack of sleeves never cease?

GT: come on rose, I'm being serious here.

TT: Of course John.

TT: I know full well the seriousness with which you take Con Air.

GT: roooooooooooose!

TT: Joooooooooooohn?

GT: i don't mean con air levels of seriousness here!

GT: we all know when i'm being "serious" about con air it's usually just me being a goof.

TT: Oh.

TT: Well yes obviously I knew that, but I never thought I'd hear you say such a thing.

TT: My apologies John, please continue with your genuinely serious matter that you need to discuss with me.

GT: hehehe, no worries.

GT: i can totally see why you'd think this was just me acting like i always get when i watch con air, even though it's not.

GT: okay so serious time.

GT: this is… oh man how do i begin here?

TT: Take your time John.

TT: I am more than willing to wait.

GT: okay, well this is about…

GT: shit, okay, so this is about our relationship.

TT: …

TT: I see.

TT: Well, this does promise to be a serious matter then.

GT: right, well, basically i was watching con air.

GT: at the scene where cage reunites with his loving wife and daughter.

GT: and i was imagining myself in that situation.

GT: but when i was picturing my loving wife in that situation…

GT: i couldn't picture you.

GT: i was trying to imagine myself reuniting with you, because you are my girlfriend and that's just common sense.

GT: but when i thought of your face in that situation it just felt…

GT: wrong.

GT: and so i started thinking about our relationship, and how we're on opposite sides of the country, and how we've only been able to meet a few times in real life.

GT: and lately when we've been talking online it seems…

GT: strained.

GT: like we're trying too hard to force ourselves to be affectionate with each other.

GT: so i was just thinking that maybe we should break up?

TT: Oh…

GT: yeah…

TT: Well, that was even more serious than I had imagined.

TT: perhaps we should have discussed this over the phone instead.

GT: yeah, i wanted to do that, but i don't think i could have said this clearly over the phone. I'm pretty much a stuttering mess right now.

TT: Well then let me just make sure I have this straight.

TT: You realized through Con Air that you had troubles picturing us in a long-term relationship.

GT: yes.

TT: And because of this you feel that we should just be friends instead of remaining romantically involved.

GT: yes.

TT: And now you're replacing me with Nicholas Cage.

GT: yes.

GT: WAIT NO ROSE WHAT?

TT: So my suspicions were correct.

TT: :O

GT: you close your mouth this instant rose!

GT: and stop putting strange sentences in mine!

GT: i'm trying to have a serious discussion about our relationship here!

TT: I can tell.

TT: Clearly your attraction to Nicholas Cage is a great wall between us I cannot hope to conquer.

TT: My love for you is not enough to defeat his sweaty wifebeater.

GT: no, rose, can we please just talk straight here?

TT: Oh, very well then.

TT: Your new love interest shall have to wait for another session.

GT: okay i have to say you are reacting to this a lot better than i expected.

TT: Am I?

GT: well yeah.

GT: i mean as stupid as it sounds i just decided to break up with you because of con air.

GT: well mostly because of a lot of soul searching and bittersweet memories.

GT: but con air started it.

GT: i'm not sure here rose but i feel like this should be grounds for anger. after all i'm even angry with myself for how this started!

TT: It's fine John.

TT: While you're right that the reason you started thinking like this is laughably awful, I understand that your feelings on the matter are genuine.

TT: And in truth I've been noticing the distance between us too as of late.

TT: While I certainly do love you dearly John I'm afraid I too have issues seeing us in a lasting arrangement.

GT: so does that mean this is a mutual break-up?

TT: I believe it does.

GT: oh thank god!

GT: i was so worried i would be hurting your feelings, or breaking your heart or something!

TT: Rest assured my heart remains in full working order.

GT: okay so we're good then.

TT: Of course we are, John.

TT: After all the time we've known each other it would be silly to let a break-up damage our friendship.

GT: agreed!

GT: hehehe, wow i feel silly for worrying so much now.

GT: okay, well i guess i should get back downstairs; dad and jane already watched another movie while I was thinking.

TT: Feel free.

TT: I would not want to interfere with your family time.

TT: We can talk more later.

GT: yes, i'd definitely like that.

GT: have a good night, rose!

TT: Good night, John.

\- ghostyTrickster [GT] has signed off! -

You're honestly not sure how you feel about this. John has been your online boyfriend for five years now, since shortly after he turned 13. While it's true that you had trouble seeing the relationship continuing into the future, you still feel like a constant element in your life has been destroyed. While the distance between the two of you was great, he still managed to be there for you when you needed him.

After several minutes you decide that sitting in your room is not doing you a damn bit of good, and you decide to escape the house and get some fresh air. You go to your window and climb out onto your roof, forgoing the door so as to avoid your family. The night is overcast, and the only light in your area comes from your own house, and the laboratory next door where your mother works. The few stars that can be seen appear dim through the rare gaps in the clouds.

"Rooooooosie!" the voice ringing out behind you sounds far too chipper for your current mood, and you flinch as you turn to see your sister stumbling across the roof. "Rosie, you know the rules! No roof parties without me!"

"Oh I'm well aware of the rules." You say, trying to keep your voice even. "I'm simply not in the party mood."

Roxy stops and scrutinizes you carefully, her expression changed from goofy to sad. "He decided to break up with you, huh?"

"How could you possibly know that?" you glare at Roxy before she can hug you, and she raises her hands in surrender.

"Well, you know Egdork." Roxy smiles sadly at you. "He's been panicking about this all day. Watched Con Air last night because his family vetoed it for movie night, and then started emailing everyone he could trying to get advice."

"That's not what he told me." you frown as you think back to your conversation with John. "Why would he lie about that?"

"Auuugh, that was Jake's idea." Roxy slaps a hand against her head and shakes it in frustration. "He thought you might be more offended if John told you he spent all day thinking about breaking up with you. I said that was stupid, but John had already latched on to the idea."

"Just how many people were involved in this discussion?"

"Me, Jake, Jane stepped in a little bit, Jade, Dave, and Lil' Hal." Roxy sighs, "though Jake and Dave were no help at all, and Jade spent most of the chat being sad. If I took a drink every time she typed 'oh noooooooo' it would be enough to kill even me."

You have to smile a bit at that. "Well at least John had you and Hal to set him straight. I imagine it must have been quite the debate. Rose Lalonde: is she worth it?"

Roxy grabs you before you can defend yourself, and gives you a bone-crushing hug. "Rosie baby, you are so completely worth it you have no idea." She starts rubbing your back, and it takes all your willpower to remember why you're upset. She starts talking right in your ear, in a comforting murmur that settles you. "I know you love John, and I know John loves you. You're not in a relationship any more, but that's not going to change how you two feel. It just means you know how much you really mean to each other."

You smile as Roxy's words sink in. Your older sister always seems to be able to put things in perspective, and it's made you realize why this has upset you. You knew for a long time that your relationship with John wasn't what it used to be, and that frightened you. You may laugh at high school romances and find romantic comedies trite, but it would seem that breakups remain scary as hell.

"Thank you Roxy, I'm feeling alright now." You smile reassuringly at her as she steps back, and you notice she's tearing up. Your face remains thankfully dry. "You should go inside, it's a rather chilly night." You look down and notice that she's dressed in only shorts and a t-shirt, one of her old ones with a cat on them.

"I'm fine baby sis, you and I both know this bod's too hot for a little cold weather." Roxy exclaims proudly as she places her hands on her hips, prompting a chuckle from you. "Besides, we gotta take advantage of the weather while it's not raining. Watch the stars, catch some fireflies…"

You frown. "Roxy, the fireflies don't come out for a few weeks yet."

Roxy's face goes flat as she squints out into the dark. Her eyes narrow suspiciously, and you turn to see what she's looking at. "Rose, do you have your phone on you?"

"Yes, what's going on?"

"Call mom." Roxy rushes over to her window, and comes back with her rifle. You take another look into the forest, and see a light moving about in the pitch black. Your hand flies to your phone immediately.

Roxy raises her scope to her eye and peers into the woods, her face all business. You are trying to see the source of the light, your phone held to your ear. It goes immediately to voicemail, and you hang up. "Her phone's off, she's still working." you say to Roxy, and she bites her lip and nods. The light in the woods is growing steadily.

Roxy continues to stare down into the woods through her scope, though her hands have yet to move to the trigger. You tend to favor using your knitting needles if you need to defend yourself, so you have no choice but to leave matters to Roxy.

Finally, after several minutes pass where the light skirts the edge of the woods, Roxy loses her patience and shifts her hands to the trigger. She tenses up and fires a shot wide of the light, causing it to freeze. "That was a warning shot, asshole!" She hollers into the night. "Come out with your hands up or I put the next one in your head."

There is a moment in which nothing happens, and then the light moves to the open. You and Roxy gape. The light was not a flashlight, as you originally thought. Instead, the light's source is coming directly from the person who walked out, a tall woman wearing black and red. Her skin is glowing a bright white, and with her black lips it makes her face easy to read.

She seems to be embarrassed, a bit of a smile on her face as she holds her hands in the air, with her arms raised and her head lowered. "I apologize for disturbing you," she calls out with a soft voice, "I was just trying to pass through, I didn't mean to intrude."

Roxy smirks as she moves along the edge of the roof, silent as a wraith. She slides down the roof's access ladder with one hand, the other keeping her rifle trained firmly on the intruder. Once she reaches the ground you follow behind her, keeping an eye over your shoulder as you go.

"Alright, so what's with the glowing?" Roxy asks casually as she trains her gun on the intruder. "Is that usual for you?"

"I'm afraid so." The woman glances aside with a frown. "I started glowing several months ago and I haven't been able to figure out how to make it stop."

"Well, that certainly sounds inconvenient." you say as you reach Roxy's side. "It's a wonder you haven't ran afoul of any unwanted attention before now. And the horns, are those a recent development as well?"

Roxy jumps as she looks up and spots the two horns on top of the woman's head. "Sweet Jegus how did I miss those?" She mutters to herself.

Kanaya coughs and looks around, perhaps trying to see if she can make a break for it. Then she looks back at the rifle and Roxy's stern face and sighs. "I was born with these horns. I'm not a human. I'm what's known as a troll."

"You aren't half as ugly as any trolls I've ever seen." Roxy says with a laugh. "And you sure don't sound Jamaican to me."

"Uhh… Jmaecn? No, my name is Kanaya. Who is Jmaecn?" Kanaya asks with a puzzled tilt of her head. "What other trolls have you met?"

"She's referring to trolls as they are portrayed in video games." You say, rolling your eyes as Roxy bursts out laughing. "No relation to your species."

"Oh, I see." She glances at the rifle, still trained on her face even as Roxy is doubled over laughing. "Well, if you don't have any information for me, I'd like to be on my way, I won't disturb you again, so…" she sighs, as Roxy remains oblivious to everything she's saying. "Could you please get her to stop aiming her gun at me?" She turns to you beseechingly.

"Roxy, down girl." You say with a smirk, and Roxy lowers her rifle. She straightens up and smiles winningly at Kanaya. You turn to her with a smile. "There, gun's down, we're all friends here."

"And as our new friend, you have to come inside for the night!" Roxy says with a grin. You nod in affirmation. Kanaya makes a move to run. The resulting scuffle is short, as Kanaya given only half-hearted resistance, and the two of you steer her back to your house.

Your mother Rue Lalonde is already in the kitchen. She has a bottle of tequila on the counter, to your annoyance, but when she sees Roxy enter she swiftly tucks it away into her private pantry and locks it.

"Hey mom, an alien followed us home, can we keep her?" Roxy yells loudly. Kanaya is acting more out of place than ever, and you smile reassuringly at her. Your smile falters as your mother rushes over, with a look you cannot discern. Not that anything she does ever makes any sense to you.

"The plane that went down in Illinois last November, right?" your mother's face has become sharp as she looks at Kanaya suspiciously.

Kanaya seems very taken aback at Rue's question, and you can tell she's feeling very uncomfortable with the situation. "Uh, yes, that's what I've heard, though my knowledge is limited. I find it hard to keep up to date on current events while on the run."

"And you've been on the run since the crash?"

"No, only for the past few months. Since… February? Is that what it's called?"

"That's right dear, now tell me one more thing. Where were you held between November and February?"

"I was with my friends on a military base. They held us there until we escaped. Well I assume they escaped. I died during the endeavor, so I missed the ending of it." This causes everyone in the room to pause, even your mother, and you realize suddenly that Kanaya's pale skin and slightly protruding canines remind you of Dracula. Your curiosity is put on hold as your mother recovers her train of thought.

"The man running this base. What was his name?"

Kanaya's face shifts at the question, from nervous but collected to downright livid with rage. Her hand slides into her pocket, as she seems to let out a low hiss. Roxy moves her hand back to the trigger of her rifle as she eyes Kanaya warily. Kanaya remains still though, and while she trembles with anger she spits out "Doctor Scratch."

Rue Lalonde's face goes white as a sheet as she hears the name. "What was your name dear?" She nods absentmindedly as Roxy blurts out the answer, "Well Kanaya, I'm sorry to say that if your friends are not in custody they will likely be soon enough. Doctor Scratch is a shrewd tactician, with a great deal of resources at his disposal."

"You speak as though you know him, mother." You turn to face her curiously. "How would you know the captor of our friend? Have you met these trolls before?"

"Trolls? Oh no, this is the first time I have had the pleasure." Your mother waves a hand dismissively and addresses Kanaya again. "My dear, I insist you stay with us until you receive further news. Rest assured that as long as you are in my house you will be safe from prying eyes. Out there however you will be found. It would only be a matter of time."

"Mother, while I agree we should keep our guest safe, I will not let that be a distraction." You glare at her as Roxy sighs. She has been in the middle of many a spat between the two of you over the years.

This time however her services are not required. Your mother taps her foot irritably, but knows that she's said too much to keep her information a secret. "Fine Rose, you win. I know Doctor Scratch because he and I used to be colleagues. I used to work with him for the government."

Notes:

Welp, pretty simple portrayal of the characters for the most part. John's earnest, shrugs things off easily, and is sometimes an asshole by accident. Roxy is goofy but ridiculously capable. Rose is serious for the most part, but still has snark enough for all who wish it. And Kanaya is polite, reserved, and hiding some serious levels of kickass.

Also a note on shipping here: I know some people think Rose is lesbian because she is dating Kanaya. That is by no means an unfair assessment. However, I feel that Rose wouldn't be Rose if you could categorize her so easily. Therefore, Rose in my headcanon swings whichever way she damn well pleases. Sue me.


	9. Gospel of Pain

How to write Gamzee:

-Go to Itunes

-Find Colors and Mayhem

-Play Purple Bard on repeat

-Start Writing

Your name is Gamzee Makara, and you are leaving the base where you've spent the past five months. You've got some people you need to meet, and a best motherfucking friend/guy you are completely flushed for, to save.

It's been a long month of agony for you, as you felt the sopor slime that kept you contained draining from your body, and you slipped closer to insanity. Each time you used the load gaper, each time you woke up in the middle of the night heaving blood and bile, each time you dug your claws into your skin so deep they came away drenched in purple, you felt yourself slip a little more.

You don't know if that's how it really works, but it's how you perceived it, so it's motherfucking gospel as far as you're concerned. The miracles you used to believe in are nothing compared to the gospel of pain.

You are Gamzee Makara, and last night your friends abandoned you to the whims of humans. They ran away, and left you behind to rot with Tavros. You don't think that was very motherfucking cool of them.

Even more uncool is the torture though. Since they dragged Tavros away the humans have busied themselves beating you to a pulp. At first you tried to fight back, managing to stick your horns into one of them, but then they told you "try that again and we'll kill your friend." You've not been fighting back since then.

Instead you sit strapped to a chair, as they continue to beat you. It's not enough to do permanent damage, but damned if it doesn't hurt. And when you feel so weary that you want to pass out they stick drugs in you. Not the good kind though. All these drugs do is keep you awake, so that you can't even sleep the pain away, and you really wish you had some sopor to take the edge off of your mind, and all of this feeling.

You are Gamzee Makara, and you are following your best motherfucking friends to a shuttle. Karkat is ushering everyone along, and while he looks pretty motherfuckin' worried, he's also looking pretty relieved. He's taking you all away from Alternia, or as he calls it: "The biggest fucking shithole of a planet in the goddamn universe." You don't think your home is that bad, but Karbro has always been smarter than you, so you suppose there must be a reason to leave. Besides, it wouldn't be right to abandon your best motherfucking friend in his time of need. Even if his blood is complete fucking garbage.

You are Gamzee Makara, and you are being dragged to a cell in chains. Unlike the room they kept you in before though, this one is small and cold and empty. The humans throw you to the ground and laugh. One of them spits on you. You think you'd like to tear his lips off. Though that seems like a bit of a motherfucking overreaction.

Two hours ago your friends ran away through the hole in the wall, and left you and Tavros to fend for yourselves. At first you though Equius would come for you like he's motherfucking supposed to, but it doesn't seem likely anymore. And if he isn't coming for you the others sure as fuck aren't either. You'll have to figure out what to do on your own.

Your thoughts are disrupted when Doctor Scratch strolls into the room, and pulls something long and black out of his suit. "I want you to know before I do this that your friends forced me into this position," he states calmly, "normally I would never resort to such unrefined measures." He presses a button on the thing he's holding and it crackles to life with electricity. When he jabs you with it your body alights with agony. You feel, more than hear, yourself scream as your body crackles from the voltage.

"It would seem that 5 million volts is painful no matter what species you are." Scratch says calmly. "We seem to be learning something already. And we will have plenty of time to learn more in the future."

"Best not get too motherfucking complacent. My friends will save me." you choke out, trying to get your limbs to work correctly again. "And the mirthful messiahs wouldn't let something this unmiraculous go down."

Scratch stares blankly at you for several seconds, and then bursts into laughter. "A Juggalo troll! Will wonders never cease?" You feel your lips curl back into a feral snarl as this motherfucking worm laughs at your faith. Unfortunately for you he notices, and drives the electric prod into your side again, this time holding it there as you thrash about in agony. His face is impassive, but his eyes, bright green and cruel, linger in your mind as everything goes black.

When you wake up again Dr. Scratch is still there, facing the opening to your cell. You struggle to sit up, but find that your body is still unresponsive. Your foot barely twitches when you try to move it, and you're not even sure if you made that happen.

"I have no patience for religion." You look up at Dr. Scratch. He hasn't moved an inch, and deigns not to so much as glance in your direction. "Religion is a crutch for the weak, a feeble support to carry the hopeless through their lives. And you are not allowed to be feeble or weak or hopeless."

"You are going to be strong. You are going to be deadly. It is not I who will make you that way though. No, you will be deadly because you wish to be. You will kill because you are a killer. It is written in your eyes, you see. When I look at you I see a vast wealth of untapped potential. We'll have to see what we can do to reach into it."

"First thing's first: you will no longer be a Juggalo. We will stamp that out and replace it with something you can use. Pain." You hiss as he approaches you again, but with all these chains you can't smash his skull in like you want to do. All you can do is lie on the ground helplessly, as Doctor Scratch steps over you and pulls out a knife.

The first cut isn't so terrible; you were ready for it beforehand. The knife drags from the top of your forehead down, splitting your head all the way to the tip of your nose. Not terrible, but it still hurts like a bitch. The second is worse though; as you still try to recover from the first cut he slices into your left eyebrow and drags the knife slowly, curving over the bridge of your nose and cutting through to the right eyebrow. The blood rushes into your eyes and blinds you, and so you don't know where the third cut is coming from until the knife is in your cheek. This last cut loops around your cheek, curving your jawline, and repeats the pattern on the opposite side of your face.

"While you are under my supervision, there will be no messiah to save you. Your friends will not find you. And nothing will exist for you except for pain." Scratch whispers lowly into your ear. "While you are here in my domain, I am your God."

He leaves the room, and you lay on the ground bleeding on the floor. It's funny though, now that the cutting is done, you feel… refreshed. Really, that wasn't so motherfucking bad at all!

You are Gamzee Makara, and after weeks of torture they are finally letting you see Tavros again. You've been worried sick about him, stuck in this place with no friends, no legs, and no confidence. You hope he's endured everything as well as you've managed to, because you don't know what you would do if your only remaining friend was to go through the pain you have and come out different. Really though, as a bronze-blood his mind is supposed to be weak anyways.

When you see him however, you're surprised to see that he's more or less the same as ever. He's still looking well fed, he's got a wheelchair now so he's not immobile, and he doesn't look like he's been tortured at all. Pity.

"Gamzee, it's uhh, really good to umm, see you again!" Tavros says with a grin, wheeling forward to meet you. "I was, well, worried about you!"

"I'm fine, Tavbro." you're unable to help the smile creeping across your face, and while your eye is nearly swollen shut seeing him makes it all worth it. "These motherfuckers have been hurting me plenty, but it's nothing I can't handle."

Tavros stops smiling at that, and you see him look you over with worry. "Well, uhh, if you're sure about that, then I uhh, I guess that's okay?" It's not motherfucking okay. But you don't want Tavros to worry. You care about him too fucking much.

You are Gamzee Makara, and you just confessed to your flushcrush in the most embarrassingly clumsy way possible. You're staring at a row of commas stretching across your trollian window and wondering what you were motherfucking thinking. 'Make out a little'? You don't just ask somebody as shy as Tavbro to make out at the drop of a hat! You have to order him.

But you don't want to go and make a bro up and have feelings for somebody against his will. Unfortunately for you though it doesn't look like Tavros is feeling particularly concupiscent towards you. He's logged off of Trollian completely now. You grab a pie and consider trolling Karkat. He watches a lot of rom-coms; maybe he'll know what you should do.

You are Gamzee Makara, and you've beaten the drugs. They beat you mercilessly, but now you don't feel it. You've let your mind go blank, and shut the pain out of your head. Eventually they toss you in with Tavros, and he's looking more worried than usual.

"Gamzee, uhh, why are you going through all this?" You take note slowly, staring over at him blankly. "You could have just, uhh, left me behind and escaped, but you, uhh, stayed with me…"

You force yourself to sit up properly. "I couldn't just motherfucking abandon a good fucking friend like you to these worms. I love you too motherfucking much to do that."

You need him to say he loves you as well. After everything you've gone through, you need to hear that he knows what that means. That it means something to him too. If you can just hear him say he loves you, you know they'll never break you.

Tavros looks uncomfortable. He seems unsure of what to say, for some reason. Even though there's only one answer that you need… he's hesitating. "I, uhh, well, I really appreciate it Gamzee, and uhh, I think that you're a really, umm, a really good, uh, friend as well."

The next time they hit you the pain is worse than ever.

You are Gamzee Makara, and you are leaving the base where you've spent the past five months. You've got some people you need to meet, and a best motherfucking friend/guy you are completely flushed for, to save.

You have a job now. Doctor Scratch has sworn to let you save Tavros if you bring him the heads of the other trolls. Well actually, he just wants proof they're dead, but you think heads will do the trick just motherfucking fine for that. Maybe wipe that smug grin off of his bald head. And if it doesn't, you'll just tear that grin off his head yourself. Or even better, tear his head off of that grin.

You don't want to wait to kill Scratch, but you have no choice. A motherfucker like that, so convinced he's got you under his control; you need to kill him when the moment's right. When he's got your friends at his feet, when he thinks he's bought you off, when he gives you Tavros and things your deal is done. That's when you'll do it. You'll stab him through the motherfucking heart with Tavros' own horns.

If they try to kill you then you won't be worried. Your traitorous, cowardly fellow trolls will be dead. Your tormentor will be dead. You'll be free. And when you're free you know these human fuckers won't be hurting you. You'll be hurting them. You won't let yourself die until you've stopped every fucking one of them.

Notes:

Gamzee is psychotic. Tavros is cowardly. Writing Gamzee is difficult because nobody knows what the fuck's going on in his head. Writing Tavros is easy because I just write lot's of uhhs and umms, and have him say whatever people don't want to hear.


	10. Typical Troll Behavior

Your name is John Egbert, and you could seriously use some air. You've spent most of the day arguing with your classmates over your aviation engineering assignments, who don't seem to understand anything about aerodynamics. The efficiency of their design was terrible, so you spent the day fighting instead of getting anything done. They think they're smarter than you, but you know better.

If there's one thing you know better than anyone else, it's how wind works.

If there's one thing people don't accuse you of, it's knowing things.

You tend not to let these things annoy you; people have taken you to be somewhat thick for ages, and to be fair you can be airheaded. The problem is though, that this incident is being coupled with the fact that it's been two weeks since you've heard from your now ex-girlfriend Rose Lalonde.

You broke up with her after a full day spent deliberating and asking your friends for advice, including your ex's sister and a particularly smart computer. And while you felt that you ended your relationship on good terms, you haven't heard from her since. She has not called you, texted you, or messaged you on Pesterchum. When you asked Roxy about it she told you that Rose was being kept busy due to a sudden houseguest, but that wouldn't account for a full two weeks without contact. It's rather upsetting to you, because while you decided Rose and you were not suited for each other romantically, she is still pretty much your best friend ever.

So now after spending the day arguing and coming home to your computer to find that Rose has neglected to contact you for the fourteenth day in a row, even as Roxy is talking to you more than ever, you've decided that you need to vent your frustration.

You've dressed all in black for safety's sake, and are at the front door. You hear a commotion from the kitchen and look to see Jane in another baking frenzy. She's been back from medical school for all of two days, and has baked at least four cakes. You thought your dad was bad on his own, but you had forgotten the way your family gets about baking when they team up.

"Jane, I'm going out for a bit." You call to her as you abscond out the door. "I have my phone if you need to get ahold of me." Jane's only response is a grunt, as she furiously works a whisk. When she's in the zone that's about all you can ever get out of her. Your differing opinions on Betty Crocker have been the result of many a war in the Egbert household, and ignoring you while she cooks is the only way Jane manages to contain an impending cakepocalypse.

Once outside you stretch your legs and arms a bit, preparing to make your exit quickly, before your father gets home from the office. Once you feel more limber you let the wind carry around your feet, and jump.

As far as you're concerned there is nothing more relaxing than flying. Feeling the breeze flowing around you and lifting you off the ground is a ridiculously freeing sensation, and you don't really know how you'd deal with the stress you put up with all the time if you didn't have flight to keep you grounded (hehehe). It's an ability you've had ever since you were a child, one that only your father and sister know about, though you've never been able to get an answer out of your father as to how you can even do it. The wind simply comes naturally to you, and you think of it like a brother. A brother that only speaks in whistles.

The air grows colder as you rise further into the sky, and you see your breath leave you in twisting puffs. Your black clothes make you all but invisible from this high in the air, and you let yourself drift with the breeze. Your school and ex girlfriend are no longer on your mind. When you fly, all that exists is yourself and the wind.

After an hour or so, you decide to stop for some food, and you let yourself down in a back alley near a burger place you know will be open until midnight. You start to walk towards the road when the sound of something moving causes you to stop. You look around in confusion, and see a cat pawing around in a dumpster. Clearly, nothing to worry about.

The cat does not agree with you though, as it abruptly hisses and jumps back as a tin can flies out of the dumpster and narrowly misses it. "Stupid fucking flea-bitten beast!" A voice calls out of the dumpster, and the cat swipes at somebody just out of sight. "FUCK, YOU MANGY LITTLE FUCKER, GET OUT OF HERE! After all I've been through, the last thing I need to see is a FUCKING CAT!" You see a sickle of all things swing around wildly, and the cat runs away yowling.

"Stupid fucking thing, like I really needed that reminder of my colossal fuckups." the voice grumbles, and you hear what you think is the person trying to settle down. You decide to investigate.

You lean over the dumpster, and are surprised to see that whatever is down there is almost definitely not human. The person's grey skin could probably just be a result of sleeping in garbage, but there are clear claws and horns visible, and that is not something you've ever known humans to have.

As this is sinking in, the creature notices you, and spazzes out from surprise. You barely have time to take note of it's blood red eyes before you remember this thing is armed and jump well out of reach.

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT HUMAN, TRYING TO SNEAK UP ON ME, EH? WELL TOO BAD FOR YOU, I WON'T BE RECAPTURED SO EASILY! I'M GOING TO DICE YOU UP!"

"Oh wow, that's really impolite!" You can't help but be amused by the antics of the creature (which you are pretty sure is a boy), despite the weapon and shouting. It doesn't help that he's got a leg stuck in the garbage, and is waving his scythe at you like a madman while hopping around on one foot. When he frees his foot, the momentum catches him off guard, and he falls on his face with a loud thud, as well as a great deal of cursing.

He manages to enunciate quite well despite him lying face down on the pavement. "TAKE YOUR SHITTY HUMAN MANNERS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR WASTE CHUTE. AFTER THE WELCOME YOU FUCKERS GAVE ME WHEN I GOT HERE YOU'RE LUCKY I HAVEN'T CULLED YOUR ENTIRE PITIFUL ASSHOLE RACE. BY ALL RIGHTS I SHOULD HAVE HAD YOU TAKE ME TO YOUR FUCKING LEADER AND TAKEN HIM DOWN BY FORCE. THEN MAYBE YOUR GODAWFUL PLANET WOULDN'T BE SO UNBELIEVABLY TERRIBLE."

You're not sure how to respond to that. If it's true that this guy is here to take over your planet, then you should probably consider calling the police. On the other hand, he looks very similar to humans, and you don't think real aliens actually say "take me to your leader". Even if he is a real alien though, he's not particularly threatening, and seems bitter rather than bloodthirsty.

You decide to keep things simple, walking up to the fake-looking alien and holding a hand down to him. "Hello, alien creature. My name is John Egbert."

There's a long pause. The alien remains face down, unmoving for several long moments. Then finally he lets out a long, drawn out sigh, and holds up a hand. "Karkat." You can't help but grin as you help him to his feet and get a proper look at him.

Karkat is very normal looking over all; the horns and red eyes are the only particularly noticeable thing distinguishing him from plain-old human hobos. He's eying you up as well, probably trying to judge your intentions (your intentions are that you're friendly). You see blood trickling down his face from his nose, probably from the fall.

"You know you're bleeding, right?"

"OH SHIT!" Karkat's eyes bug out again, and he starts wiping at his face with his sleeve, smearing dirt and blood everywhere before stopping. "Wait, why am I freaking out? Everyone knows I'm a mutant blooded monstrosity already." He lowers his arm, revealing a face that is now far messier than ten seconds earlier, though his face hasn't diminished in sheer surliness.

"So what's an alien doing hiding in a dumpster?" You ask, trying to show some friendliness with by smiling. He seems to take it as an insult, glaring at your grin until you are forced to remove it from his presence.

"I'm just sleeping here for the night and carrying on tomorrow morning. I'm just going to go somewhere with low population density so I can never curse anyone with my presence again." Karkat sighs and trudges back to the dumpster. "You don't actually have to worry about me killing you or anyone else, I'm not that much of an asshole. Just let me be and keep quiet, and this time tomorrow you'll never have to worry about the creepy alien monster you found in a giant waste receptacle."

"You know they pick up the garbage tomorrow in this area." You inform him with a frown. "You sleep in that dumpster you might get put through the compacter.

Karkat glares at you, as though it's your fault for setting the garbage schedule. "Well, that's just fucking great. I guess I'll go find somewhere even more degrading to spend the night then. Maybe under a rock. Or how about under a bridge? I hear that that's typical troll behavior around here."

You decide to put the question of how a space alien came to learn human nursery rhymes aside and deal with the serious issue. "You could always spend the night with my family."

Karkat looks up at you in disbelief. "Are you fucking serious? You know I don't have human currency, right? I don't have any of your different kinds of money. You'd be getting nothing in return."

"Doesn't matter." You reply with a grin. "I just want to help a foreign member of an alien species out."

Karkat looks hopeful for a moment, but then his face freezes. Hissing, he suddenly turns around and stalks back to the dumpster again, muttering to himself. "What the fuck am I thinking, about to get a family of innocent morons killed just so I can sleep inside." He turns back to you and gives you a steely glare. "Yeah, thanks but no thanks, dumbass, I've got a lot of shitty people chasing me, and a tendency to get my friends killed. We're both better off if I stay away."

You grin at him and grab his wrist. "Too late, my mind's made up."

Karkat reacts to the sudden contact like a cat with water. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING EGBERT, GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME, I SAID…" he trails off, one hand still trying to loosen your grip on him, and you see his eyes go wide. Rosy colored tears start to stream down his face, and he starts opening and closing him mouth as he tries to form words that aren't coming to him. "I said… I said…" he whispers breathlessly, his eyes roving all over the place.

Karkat falls silent, not letting out so much as a breath, and you immediately panic. Unsure of what else to do, you lay him on his side and use your wind powers to push air in and out of his lungs, which thankfully seem to be in the same place as that of a human.

After several moments of this, you see Karkat twitch a little bit. You stop pushing air into his lungs and are relieved to see his chest rising normally. You are less relieved when he chokes, rolls onto his side, and throws up. Bile and blood spill onto the ground, and you decide that you are officially done with this situation. You are not qualified to provide medical care to a space alien.

You pull out your phone and call home, relieved to hear Jane pick up almost immediately. "Egbert residence, this is Jane speaking, how may I help you?"

"Jane, this is John, I need you to get your car and drive down to the Burger Depot, two blocks down the road from the Dadly Depot. I found a space alien that needs medical attention, and he says bad people are following so I don't think the hospital would be a good idea."

There's a pregnant pause before Jane answers. "John, this is a shitty prank even by your standards."

"Jane! Just get over here fast, this is an emergency! If you don't get over here right now I'll use my wind powers to wallpaper your room with cake mix!" You hang up the phone before Jane can give a rebuttal, and return your attention to Karkat. You also catalogue your threat in the back of your mind for future pranking.

"Fuck… off… Egbert…" Karkat's calls out hoarsely, having barely regained consciousness. "Not… your… business…" he trails off again as he tries to get back on his feet, but he can't seem to lift himself off of the ground. He seems to settle for rolling away from the vomit he's left on the ground, though even that causes him to curse from the exertion.

"Shut up Karkat, I'm not going to leave the first space alien I've ever met to die in a back alley. Besides, we're friends now."

"Oh, great… your stupid friendship emotion. That's just fucking swell." Karkat manages to look thoroughly unimpressed despite clearly being in excruciating pain.

"Friendship isn't an emotion, fucknuts." You say with a sigh, smiling a bit in spite of everything when you see Karkat weakly raise an arm to flip you off. You decide to leave him for a moment so that you can keep watch for your sister, and after making sure he's not going to hurt himself further, you head for the opening to the alleyway.

"I don't… deserve this." you hear Karkat groan to himself as you walk away. You can't help but think that he's right. You don't know what Karkat's been through, but you think it's safe to say that whatever it was, you wouldn't wish it upon anybody.

Notes:

So here's John, a goofball with a kind heart and the ability to control the wind. Originally I wasn't going to give any of the humans their powers, but after much consideration I felt it was necessary to have the characters make use of them to at least some extent. John and Jane are the primary ones I placed under consideration regarding this though, because the others all prove to be skilled combatants without their powers. This story is, after all, as much based on action as it is based on character. And the Egberts (as they shall henceforth be referred) are the only characters not to show any sort of aptitude for combat before sburb. Even Rose went from mild-mannered to gouging an ogre's eyes out immediately upon getting an excuse to do so. John on the other hand... lost to an imp. I felt it best to give him something so that I could justify him surviving more than two chapters in a story with so much violence. As for other human characters... well you'll see.

Don't forget to leave a comment! I crave your opinion like other people crave hamburgers. Well, I also crave hamburgers, but I'll settle for constructive criticism!


	11. Smiles

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you are on high alert. It has been two months since you and your fellow trolls fled the compound the humans were holding you in, and though you have put many miles between your group and Doctor Scratch, you know he won't stop looking for you that easily. The dark is deep here on earth, the moon here being much smaller than either of the two on Alternia, but you have your wits honed to razor sharpness.

Your companions are not as focused as you however. Feferi and Sollux have been letting their guard down more and more as they've moved away from the base. Feferi is doing everything she can to keep her composure, and acting silly and happy is how she does that best. You could never fault her for that. Sollux however…

You've always thought Sollux was supposed to be smart, but he's acting like a fool right now. His intelligence was something you've always respected about him, but now he's become chipper instead. Well, as chipper as Sollux gets, which basically means rather than scowling he smiles. But his happiness means he's not as on guard as he should be, which could very well get you all killed.

You'd like it stated for the record that you are only against Sollux being happy because it means he's not as tactically useful. It is definitely not because he has entered a relationship with your moirail/flushcrush. That is not even remotely the reason.

…

You really wish Karkat was here to give you advice. He may be a red-blooded asshole who abandoned you all the first chance he got, but he was always ready to help you with relationship problems. And if you're being honest, now that you're a traitor to troll-kind and don't have anything to gain from the hemospectrum, you really don't give a shit whether Karkat was a mutant or not.

Suddenly you hear a sound behind you and you freeze, raising Ahab's Crosshairs to your shoulder. You turn behind you and look around, trying to spot the source. You can't see anything at the moment though; you're standing in the middle of a forest clearing at the moment, and the trees are obscuring everything from view.

"Eridan, are you coming?" Feferi calls back to you, having only just noticed that you've stopped following them.

"Oh, leave him FF, he's just jumping at squeakbeasts again." Sollux waves dismissively and continues to float away. You realize something as he hovers along.

"Sollux stop hovering, you stupid fuck. All of your sparking and fizzing is making it impossible to hear anything!" You spit out angrily, peering back into the woods. You don't know what you're hearing, but you know damn well it isn't squeakbeasts.

"Hmm, how about no." Sollux smirks and gives you the middle finger, two of them, of course. "I don't feel like walking through the dirt just because you're being a paranoid dumbass."

Another noise sounds out from the woods, closer this time, and you can almost make it out. Feferi suddenly turns to Sollux. "Beach yourself Sollux, I heard somefin that time." Sollux sighs at that and lands himself as well, the sparks from his psionics fizzling out. The forest is cast into complete silence.

After a short while Sollux loses his patience. "There's no fucking sound, Eridan, now can we go?"

You smirk at this. "I know you don't get outside very much Sollux, so let me make this simple for you. When there's no sounds in a forest it means things are very bad. Especially on a fucked up planet like this where the goddamn chirpbeasts never shut up."

"Alternate theory: they fucking went to sleep." Sollux grumbles under his breath, but you see him take his glasses off, so you deem that good enough.

Suddenly you hear a noise to your right. The slightest shuffle of leaves. Whatever's been following you has caught up. You snarl at this and fire your gun into the forest nearby, a quick shot so that the power doesn't level everything. For a moment the forest is lit up, and you curse this planet for the hundredth time that it's single moon is so terrible at illuminating anything. The light of Ahab's Crosshairs does reveal something though; you glimpse the shortest flash of yellow eyes in the dark.

"Nepeta, is that you?" you call out warily. You think Nepeta would be more likely to just tacklepounce her way into sight rather than sneak around in the shadows, but you can't think of any other trolls that could move so silently. Equius perhaps, but he wears sunglasses. "Nepeta, if that is you get over here before I shoot you."

Then you hear it.

HONK

Feferi brightens up immediately. "Gamzee, I definitely thought you were still trapped! Why the shell are you hiding back there, come on out!"

HONKHONK

Gamzee comes stepping out into the small clearing you've stopped in, and stands beneath the trees. His face is mostly obscured by shadow, though you can see his eyes and relaxed grin. Something seems off about him though, and you keep your gun in hand as you walk around Feferi to keep your line of sight clear. His eyes dart towards you and narrow, ever so briefly, and you wonder if him placing Feferi between the two of you was intentional. Surely not?

"It's good to motherfucking see you, my best fucking friends." Gamzee raises his hands and let's his grin broaden further. "Saw my bro Sollux blinking like a firefly from miles away, followed the light here like a little miracle."

Sollux eases at this. "It's not really a miracle dude, I glow in the fucking dark, big deal." He starts to spark and light up again, and Gamzee is thrown into full view. His body is covered with scars now, his shirt likely long since discarded, and you see little spirals carved into his skin. Some are scarred over, but some are recent enough that they're still oozing.

"Oh my glub, what happened to you?" Feferi's jaw drops in shock, and you hear Sollux curse under his breath. "Did the humans do this? To torture you?"

Gamzee absentmindedly wipes the blood off of one of the marks, and licks it from his fingers. "Nah, this ain't anything you need to be worrying your pretty little head over sis, I did this myself. Just a few little cuts here and there, enough to hurt. The pain is what keeps my motherfucking head clear, you know? Helps me forget things. Like Tavros."

Feferi gasps at this. "Oh shell, Tavros, what happened to him? Is he alright?"

Gamzee frowns at this. "Nah, sis. Tavros ain't motherfuckin all right. Those humans fucked him up. Had to leave without him." His voice softens to a cold murmur.

Feferi lets out a half sob at this, and rushes over to Gamzee. Sollux curses and turns aside, his body flashing like a firecracker. You want to be upset, but when you look at Gamzee, his eyes darting between the three of you, his body shifting slightly again so that Feferi is now perfectly situated between you, you come to a horrible conclusion. And you don't think to act on it until Feferi is right in front of Gamzee, and he's raising his club skyward.

Gamzee Makara has gone Highblood. He's gone highblood and has just bashed Feferi's head in with one of his fucking juggling clubs. Sollux turns back in shock as she slumps to the ground, and you realize you're screaming.

HONK

Gamzee is gone in a blur of motion, and you realize he's next to Sollux before you have a chance to react. His club swings around like a blur, glancing the side of Sollux's head before a blast of energy from his eyes forces Gamzee to retreat. This time you're able to follow him though, and you raise Ahab's Crosshairs to block yet another blow to the head.

HONKHONKHONK

Gamzee is grinning like a maniac, and you see the blood rushing to his head as he swings his clubs at you, turning his yellow eyes a deep purple, his face oozing blood from the various cuts he's inflicted upon himself. Behind him you see Sollux stumble over to Feferi's body. He's clearly too distracted to be of any use.

This proves to be a problem, because Gamzee is not somebody you think you can fight on your own. There's no clear strategy to his attacks. He swings his clubs with a brutal ferocity though, and while your Ahab's Crosshairs can take the clubs easily, your body cannot.

HONKHONK

You block a blow aimed at your head and spin the gun around to stop one coming at your shoulder. By then though he's brought the first club back at you, forcing you to jump back. The blow hammers against your knee and it's all you can do to avoid stumbling. You're barely able to stop the next attack at your head.

Close combat is not your forte. You prefer to attack from a distance and Gamzee clearly knows this. Every step you retreat he matches easily, and his blows come so fast you know you won't be able to fire at him without taking a lot of damage. But this is your only choice. Gamzee's strength is that of the most deadly purple bloods right now, but he's using what are probably the shittiest clubs possible. His blows will hurt, but as long as you're ready for them and don't let him get your skull, you'll survive.

The next time Gamzee swings at you you're ready. You stop the blow with your gun and let yourself fall with the attack. Gamzee is caught off guard, stumbling a little, and you suddenly push back, causing him to rear back several steps. You scramble backwards in the dirt, raising your gun to fire, but Gamzee is on you before the shot can be primed. The blows rain down on your body with blinding speed, battering your gut and definitely cracking at least one of your ribs. The shots aimed at your head you block with your arms. One of them breaks. You hold on anyways.

HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK

Ahab's Crosshairs glows blue, and you turn your gun on Gamzee. It was the longest two seconds of your fucking life, but you survived them. You roar out your challenge as you force your gun on Gamzee, disregarding the hammer blows of his juggling clubs. The shot isn't perfectly aimed, but the radius of your shot is enough to pick Gamzee off of the ground and spin him through the air.

HOOOOOOOOONK

Gamzee hits the ground with a thud and bounces back to his feet, his scarred body smoking, but otherwise appearing unharmed. Purple-blooded tenacity at its finest. Gamzee grins at you, but sees a glaring strobe of red and blue light and you both realize that Sollux is back in the game. Gamzee let's out a scream and charges at him again, leaving you to struggle back to your feet.

HOOOOOOOONKHONKHONKHONK

Before Sollux can fire and before Gamzee can swing his clubs though, Feferi stabs the latter through the stomach with her double trident. You choke out a sob of relief as she spins it smoothly and sticks him again in his left shoulder.

"YOU GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, MAKARA." She roars in anger, and you notice the Pisces symbol glowing faintly on her head. "IF I EVER SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF."

HONK

Gamzee is gone in a flash, and you all look around in confusion. Suddenly his voice rings out from the darkness.

"YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE HARDER TO KILL THAN I FUCKING THOUGHT." His furious roar suddenly stops as his voice shifts to a cold whisper that somehow rings out even more clearly than his yell. "It doesn't fucking matter though. THERE'S PLENTY OF TROLLS THAT WILL BE EASIER TO KILL THAN YOU. Nepeta, Karkat, Terezi… HELL, EQUIUS WOULD PROBABLY MOTHERFUCKING KILL HIMSELF IF I ORDERED HIM TO. So I'm going to go find those sad motherfuckers and kill them. AND WHEN I'VE FINISHED THEM ALL, I'LL COME BACK FOR YOU. I'm going to box up all of your MOTHERFUCKING HEADS, and THEN I'm going to wrap them up in a MOTHERFUCKING RIBBON, AND GIVE THEM TO SCRATCH. Best be ready, motherfuckers. BECAUSE YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT YOU NEXT MOTHERFUCKING TIME." You hear a tumultuous racket as Gamzee runs away, not bothering to be quiet this time as he disappears completely into the night.

HONKHONKHONKHONKHonkHonkhonkhonk…

You sigh in relief as you hear his voice fade into silence, and suddenly realize Feferi is upon you. She's fussing over your wounds, trying to figure out how to help you, and talking so fast you can barely understand her.

"Oh my glub, Eridan, are you okay? I am so sorry for this, I let him knock me out so easily, and you had to take all of those hits, while I only got hit once. That was so glubbing unfair to you and now you're really badly hurt and it's all my fault for letting him hit me! I should have realized Gamzee was off, his cuts and his eyes and the way he was sneaking around were so weird but I was just so happy to see him alive and so guilty for leaving him behind that I just didn't pay any glubbing attention at all. This really is my entire fault, Gamzee went crazy because I made Equius leave him behind, and now he's going to kill everyone because I didn't get everyone out of the base! I just-"

You raise your hand and pap her on the side of her head, silencing her immediately. "Shoosh, Fef. This wasn't your fault. Gamzee was going crazy before we were even leaving the base. This would have happened eventually no matter what. I'm just sorry I couldn't stop him from hurting you."

Feferi blinks at you through her tears, and she chokes out a laugh. "Hurting me? Look at yourself doofish, you clearly got hurt the worst." She's setting your arm in a splint now, and you suddenly regret all those years you've spent telling her that her medical interests were a waste of time. As you ponder this you notice Feferi is blushing.

"You know Eridan…" She starts to trail off, and looks determinedly down at your arm as she continues to talk. "All these years we've been moray-eels, and that was the first time you've ever shooshpapped me."

You blink at this and sit up, wincing as your ribs cry out in protest. "You serious Fef? No way, that can't be right. I must've papped you at least once…" You find yourself unable to think of it happening. All those years you were flushed for her, your moirallegiance roles were left by the wayside. It had always felt painful to you to act pale when you wanted to be red. "Goddamn it I'm such a fuckin' failure as a moirail, you must hate me so much right now." You've always been somewhat aware of it, but it's certainly never bothered you so much before.

Feferi shakes her head vehemently as she bandages your ribs. "It's okay Eridan, I know you still care for me even if you don't show it. Besides…" She blushes again. "That was really… nice. Though I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish you'd done it sooner."

"Yeah…" You think about it for a while in silence as she finishes your ribs. "It was… it was pretty glubbing good for me too." She blushes again and smiles awkwardly at you, and you find yourself wondering briefly why you never gave this moirallegiance thing a chance.

"Holy fucking shit, do you mind not getting so fucking intimate with me standing right here?" Sollux bursts out in irritation, and Feferi's blush deepens as she hastily jumps to her feet and backs away from you. You find yourself scowling again as you tentatively rise to your feet.

"Go fuck yourself Sol, I've put up with you two for weeks, you can give me five fucking minutes." You snap at him angrily, and find yourself growling as he turns aside triumphantly. Feferi grins sheepishly at you as the three of you start moving again though, and you find your anger fading. You trail along behind the two of them as they start to talk between themselves, and start to think about what just happened.

You've never really liked the pale relationship between you and Feferi. It always seemed like an insult, a prize for the runner-up, while the winner had yet to reach the starting gate. All those years you pined after her fruitlessly, letting her play pale with you and hoping she'd see you in a redder fashion. Meanwhile you just kept trying to find a way to climb into the red, while being too scared to take the risk and talk to her.

Papping her though… that felt good. Feeling her face beneath your hand, watching the tears running down her face just stop, and knowing you were responsible. There was a power in that, a fulfillment that you've never really paid mind to before. Feferi's tried calming you before, but her soft papping always felt like a slap in the face. You wonder how you've been so blind.

The soft sounds of birds and small animals fill in the silence gradually as you walk along, Gamzee's spell over the forest seemingly broken. The faintest smell of salty air touches your nose, and you see Feferi jump in excitement and run ahead. Sollux floats lazily after her, and you trudge slowly up in the rear, minding your ribs carefully.

The others have climbed a steep hill, and by the time you catch up the sun is rising behind you. Feferi is standing at the top of the hill, illuminated in the golden orange light, as she jumps up and down and waves at you, pointing out past the hill and chattering excitedly: "The ocean, it's an ocean Eridan, isn't this wonderful?"

You reach the top of the hill and see the narrow gleaming band of distant water far in the distance. It will likely take you another day or two to reach. But you don't mention that for now, choosing to let Feferi revel in the familiar sight.

Her smile has never felt more important to you than it does now. And you feel your resolve strengthen as you look back over the forest, where Gamzee was retreating before. He will be back again. But when he does you'll be ready. You won't let him hurt you again, and you definitely won't let him hurt Feferi.

You'll do whatever it takes to protect her smiling face. Whatever is necessary.

Notes:

I have to say, I always liked Eridan as a character. He's another one who had the chance to become something so much more than what he was in Homestuck. While his darker side runs deeper than Equius', he clearly cares a great deal about his friends, and shows on many occasions that he has the potential to be good. I can't say whether he'll slip up down the line, but if he does this time, I intend to make it a proper tragedy.

Also, if I managed to fake anybody out with Feferi's injury, please let me know. I crave your tears... HONKHONK


	12. If This Were Alternia

Your name is Equius Zahhak, and you are an inexcusable failure. You have spent a long time now attempting to craft something that could function as a working body for your secret flushcrush. Approximately twelve weeks in standard human time, according to Nepeta. Unfortunately, while prosthetics are manageable with your current equipment and resources, you are finding the more intricate workings of such a machine to be beyond you.

"Fiddlesticks!" You spit out in a rage as your third attempt to create a functioning heart collapses in on itself. Every time you have attempted to run a current through the piece to check it's functionality, it has crumpled. Even the slightest charge proves to be excessive. The same has proven to be true for any other internal parts. Your attempts at lungs have burst open, your work with eyes has proven to remain entirely fruitless, and you simply cannot seem to get her face right.

If you had access to alternian metals such issues would be easily remedied, but they remain beyond your reach. Human metals are either too soft or too brittle; the balance required for such a project is too fine for either extreme. Nepeta does her best, stealing scraps of metal wherever she can, attempting to find something that you can work with. But success continues to elude you both.

Meanwhile, Aradia is growing more distant. She still speaks with you using the old wiring she's been manipulating, but whenever she draws away from you she claims the dead continue to harass her, the voices growing angrier every time she leaves them. Meanwhile, the same unexplainable force that causes the dead spirits to leave you alone also seems to damage Aradia in some way. Should she spend too much time around you you're afraid her spirit might fade completely.

"Equius! Did it worrrrrk?" Nepeta's chiming voice shatters your reverie, as you feel her flop across your shoulders.

"It would appear my efforts have once again proven futile." You sigh and start to pack up your equipment. Nepeta lets out a groan and paps your face gently.

"Don't worry Equius, I know you'll figure it out. Maybe the paw-lace we're going to will have what we need!" You nod hopefully as Nepeta hops down and moves to the door of the run down building you have been occupying for the past three days. You have been moving towards a laboratory in the east for the past week, after hearing the technology it boasted was well beyond normal human limits.

"I'm going to go find Purradia and tell her we're leaving!" Nepeta calls as she leaves the room. You wave to her and gather your things, while keeping your ears open for trouble. You know that Nepeta can handle herself exquisitely on her own, but as her moirail and physical superior you still don't feel comfortable unless she's within sight. You know she doesn't appreciate it very much, but you can't help but fuss.

You gather up the last of your things and prepare to leave. Nepeta is capable of hunting well enough for both of you to eat properly, though she resents spending time finding vegetables for you. Instead most of your luggage is made up of robotics equipment, including scrap metal, your toolbox, and a more recent addition: an icebox. You can only hope that this laboratory will have the resources you need to make Aradia her new body.

Two nights later you believe the laboratory is within reach. It has been slow going for you and Nepeta, as while you are both able to move swiftly, you have been careful to remain silent. Stealth is something you can handle surprisingly well, especially given your impressive size, but it will never come as naturally to you as it does to Nepeta. Her ability to carry herself so perfectly when she wishes to is something that has always impressed you about her.

Suddenly you glimpse a glimmer of lights distantly, through the dense cover of trees. Nepeta spots it and bounds soundlessly away. You continue to move behind her, and see her silhouetted in the light for a brief moment. She's back at your side a minute later.

"The lights are furom a house!" she reports with a grin. "The lab is just behind it, and the lights are off!" You nod and start to move, when Nepeta speaks up again. "Also, I found this kitty!"

You turn back and stare at her. Nepeta is positively beaming, holding a small black kitten with four eyes in her arms. The both of them are purring at each other. "Nepeta. That cat is clearly abnormal. You will return it to wherever you found it."

Nepeta hisses at you, and to your consternation you see the cat is now imitating her every action. "No, Equius, I want to keep him, he's sooo cute! Look at this face." She holds the cat up to your nose. It hisses at you. "How can you resist this face?"

"Nepeta, cease this foolishness and put the cat down immediately."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes."

"GRAAAUGHRABLAH!" Nepeta waves her arms around in a frenzy. The cat has wisely chosen to relocate to her shoulder. "I don't want to put the cat down! He reminds me of Pounce!"

You were not expecting her to bring up her guardian. "Oh." You look down at the cat again. "It's the wrong color." You realize that this was a terrible thing to say when Nepeta glares at you and runs off with the cat.

It was hard for many of those in your group to leave their lusus behind. Vriska and Sollux were pretty glad to get away, but the others had more difficulty. You know that leaving Arthour to tend to your home on his own was difficult for both of you, though with all the trouble you put your dear butler through you think that he honestly earned a vacation. Though he's likely still cleaning the house, he's simply too good at butlering to abandon his duties.

Nepeta was probably the one who had the most difficulty leaving her lusus, with the exception of Feferi who had to find a way to leave without killing every troll in the universe. Pounce de Leon and Nepeta used to hunt together daily, and the two relied heavily upon each other in a lot of ways. She was so upset when it was decided that her lusus was too large to bring along that you banned everyone else from bringing their lusus along as well.

Clearly this cat, with its redundant second set of eyes, reminds Nepeta of Pounce's redundant second mouth. This is suddenly exceedingly obvious to you, and makes your earlier comment seem all the more foolish and mean. It would seem that Aradia agrees with your conclusion, as you see the wires she uses for communication slither into view and form her own criticism.

That was very foolish and mean Equius.

"In retrospect I have become fully aware of that." You mutter. You can feel Aradia's stern gaze boring into you, despite her having no visible eyes. It suddenly occurs to you that you are sweating profusely. "I will go to apologize to her immediately."

That would be best.

You nod and turn to face the direction Nepeta ran in, when you hear a hiss and a slurring voice. "Unhand my Mutie or suffer the consterse- oh fuck me, what am I even saying? Lolz!"

You move swiftly in the direction of the voice and see a human standing in front of Nepeta, with a rifle trained between her eyes. The human's aim is steady, though she is herself swaying back and forth, apparently suffering from hiccups. This is completely unacceptable to you.

"Aradia, if she fires, do not let the bullet strike Nepeta. Or the cat." You charge before taking the time to see if she responds, throwing all of your considerable muscles into a strongjump that sends you flying straight towards the human. She spots you just before you can reach her weapon though, and somehow manages to dance out of the way. Your momentum carries you through a swathe of trees, and into the clearing where the human home is.

The human stares after you as you rise to your feet. "Oh my Gog, I have miscombobulated the shit out of this situation." She says quietly as you march towards her. You find yourself unable to help the smirk that her reaction brings. The human doesn't seem to be completely out of ideas though, as she shoulders her rifle and claps her hands together, muttering to herself. "Okay Roxy, you can do this, just focus or else the big monster troll will kill you, focus, and invisibilate!"

The human suddenly disappears from your vision. You whirl around in an attempt to spot her, but she is clearly completely gone. Nepeta jumps to her feet as well, hackles raised and claws at the ready. "She's completely disappeared, Equius!" Nepeta hisses in surprise, "I can't even hear her breathing! Whatefur she did, it was more than just invisibility!"

You look around for a little while longer, but find that she truly has completely vanished. Running away is a coward's ploy, but you have to admit her powers of evasion are strong in their own way. You hear the door to the house close and your worry suddenly skyrockets. "We must go to the lab now, Nepeta. After tonight they will be on guard, and we cannot take the risk of more people spotting us. We are lucky that human appeared to be inebriated."

Nepeta nods, and takes off running for the laboratory on all fours, with you following behind, keeping an uneasy eye on the house. The human acted inebriated, yes, but still unnervingly sound of mind. You have little doubt she can convince her kind that she speaks the truth. Especially with the damage you've dealt to the area. And more disturbing is that she knew your species by name. It may have been a coincidence that she referred to you as a troll, but you somehow doubt it.

Your instincts as a blueblood tell you to rip the house to the ground and kill everyone inside. If this were Alternia, your instincts would be correct. But this is not Alternia. To destroy a threatening house is natural when one is a highblood. But, as much as the thought disturbs you, you are not a highblood here. You are a refugee. As much as ever, discretion remains your most expedient option.

You turn back to face the front and see Nepeta bounding away, gaining distance on you as you have been distracted. You put on an extra burst of speed to catch up with her. At this point your only chance is to ransack the laboratory for useful equipment and make a run for it before anyone catches on.

Suddenly Nepeta stops, her head tilted to the side. It would appear that she has heard something. You slow your pace as you look around for whatever she's noticed. Neither of you see the human adult until she's between you and the lab.

The woman looks like an older version of the one from before, and you are stunned by how swiftly she's appeared in front of her. Before you have a chance to react, Nepeta leaps for her, claws outstretched. You call out a warning to her, but the situation has caused Nepeta to move entirely on instinct, and she is heedless to you. For a moment you are torn between wanting to stop Nepeta from harming the human, and protecting her from harm herself. It is the latter that proves the greater worry.

The woman dodges Nepeta's pounce easily, grabbing her by the tail and swinging her around. You cry out in alarm and rush forward, only to find your arms full of angry cat-girl. Nepeta is clearly angry, but thankfully unharmed. You place her on the ground, mindful of her flailing claws, and step forward to face the woman.

"My goodness, but you're a big one!" The woman says, stepping forward smoothly in her heeled shoes. Her face is set in a grim smile, and despite your size advantage it sets you on edge. "You know, I do not have an issue with outsiders. I do not have an issue with creatures of a different species. But I do have an issue with anyone who would attempt to harm either one of my daughters." Her body shifts smoothly into a combative stance. Your body breaks swiftly into a sweat.

"Nepeta, go get the supplies. You know well what kind of metals and tools I require. I will keep this woman occupied." Nepeta nods her head reluctantly and slips into the shadows. The woman watches her go, but knows better than to turn her back on you.

"As an outsider on your property, I know full well that I am in the wrong here." You say with a sigh. It seems like ever since you have come to Earth you have been forced to take custom after custom and break it in order to survive. "However, because I cannot allow you to speak of this incident, or in some other way draw unwanted attention to me or my moirail, I am afraid I have no choice but to eliminate you."

"You can try." The voice comes from behind you, and you whirl around to see the woman has moved to your side in an instant. "But you won't succeed. As I understand it, the notion of parents is foreign to trolls. So allow me to teach you why you should never mess with a mother."

Her fist strikes in a blur, sinking into your stomach, and to your mortification the human manages to send you back a step. You throw a fist back, but the surprise attack has made you sluggish. The woman is behind you before you've pulled back your arm. The next blow from her comes just below your ribcage, a sharp jab in your side that causes your back to arch involuntarily. While not nearly as strong as you, this woman is clearly exceptionally skilled.

Despite the fighting prowess of your opponent though, you are swiftly getting a feel for her speed and attack style. Her next jab aims for a pressure point in your leg, but by flexing your muscles fully you are able to deflect the attack easily. The woman jumps back at this, and begins to regard you again.

While physical opponents are never able to measure up to your strength, you have trained for such eventualities as this. It is unfortunate for this human woman that while you prefer fights to be a contest of strength, you have ensured that your opponents are capable of measuring up to you in some regard. The robots you program to attempt to kill you could never withstand your strength, so you often designed them to be fast instead.

This woman is strong and fast, and possesses a fighting skill far beyond any machine you have built. But you have power, and as any self-respecting troll will tell you, in a proper fight enough power can exceed any stratagem. You are not a skilled fighter, as your attempts to learn techniques beyond punching or kicking have always resulted in immediate destruction of your target before you can adequately practice. But you are strong, and you are smart. That's all you've ever needed.

The next strike from the woman is a jab for your throat, but you are able to deflect this by flexing as well. The strike is enough to hurt, but causes no permanent damage. You retaliate by sweeping your arm in a swift arc, grazing her and causing her to stumble. Her ability to retain her poise in heels is baffling to you, but hardly relevant. The blow has left a bruise that you can already see blossoming on her forearm.

Taking the initiative, you charge forward, but find that your opponent is prepared. Your frontal assault is met by two fingers on each hand, which strike at vital points, using your momentum to hit hard at your chest and shoulder. Her stance then changes from solid to lithe in a smooth movement, and she flips you over your head, finishing with a punch to the face as you fall.

You lay on the ground in shock, hardly able to believe that a human was able to counter your attack so easily. Her strength is clearly immense, particularly for one of her species, and you feel uneasy at the thought of fighting her further. You find yourself wishing she were a troll for a moment, but dismiss the thought as too lewd even for you to dwell upon.

As you sit up, you find yourself wondering why the woman has not struck a finishing blow. Your time spent winded on the ground was only a few seconds, but for her this would be a trifling amount. You get to your feet slowly, stopping for a moment to spit out blood and a tooth that was knocked out in the blow. Simply exquisite.

The woman is eying you warily from where she struck you, still mad, but clearly exhausted herself. Further investigation reveals that her counterattack has broken the fingers she used to strike at you. You find yourself wanting to know how her punch would have felt had her hand not been so exceedingly damaged.

Unfortunately you have a task to complete, however, and no matter how exquisite a specimen this human is, she has seen too much. Discretion is your only chance at survival, and more importantly, Nepeta's only chance as well. You attempt to raise your arm to deal a final blow, but find that the damage to your shoulder is enough that you cannot lift it. A step forward reveals that your body is protesting all movement. The woman's strike has clearly damaged your bloodpusher.

The woman has noticed this, and now that she has confirmed that you are injured, prepares a final blow. Her stance shifts back from defensive to offensive, and she suddenly rushes at you. Her injuries are not as severe as yours, but they have disrupted her enough that she is no longer moving faster than you can follow. You decide in a split second that you have one chance of surviving. You suck in air, ignoring the pain in your chest, and force your body into a strong jump. It is now your turn to vanish.

You fly into the air in a blur of movement, and see that your opponent below you is unable to see you in the night sky. She has stopped moving, and seems to be searching the skies for a sign of you, but your height is great enough that you are out of her sight. You fall back down with a grimace, knowing that your injuries prevent you from landing properly, but the damage upon impact should be enough to kill the human effortlessly.

A loud shriek catches your attention suddenly, and you see a blur of white and red in the corner of your eye. Before you can land the finishing blow you feel a hand grasp your good horn and haul you around in midair. The interloper throws you effortlessly into the ground to the side, and you feel with a jolt the shifting of your innards. You roll slowly so that your body is facing down, and haul yourself wearily to your knees.

Your left eye won't open, apparently swelling from a cut that is blossoming across your brow. Your left eye sees clearly, a sure sign that your last pair of sunglasses has finally shattered under pressure.

Standing next to the woman you were fighting is the girl from before, and another slightly shorter one. Between them and yourself is Kanaya, chainsaw out and pointed at your face. She says something to you, but a loud whistling in your ear drowns her out. You were quite sure that Kanaya was dead. This clearly requires some form of questioning.

You open your mouth to speak, but find that you are unable to make a sound. It occurs to you that your mouth is now full of blood. You cough up the blood welling in your throat and spit it on the ground. Everything is now sideways. Nepeta is running towards you, but you fear that it is too late for her to appear. You have been killed by humans and a ghost, and if Nepeta doesn't leave soon, the same will happen to her.

The last thing you see before you black out, after Nepeta is met by Kanaya and forcibly stopped from attacking the humans, after the younger humans rush to their protector, is Aradia's scrawling text.

Time is running out Equius. I'll be waiting for you.

You finally pass out.

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you have just received an unexpected phone call.

"Diiiiirk, I need you!" Roxy's voice rings over the phone, brash as always, and you're annoyed to hear that she has a noticeable slur.

"Roxy, you've been drinking again."

"Pshhh, only one or two martinis, no big!"

"Roxy how are you even making martinis, you said your family cut you off! Your mom locked you out of the cellar, didn't she?" You know if Mrs. Lalonde has begun letting Roxy back into her liquor cabinets there will be hell to pay, from you and Rose both.

"Ooh, there's a cool story about that, I can tell you all about it when you get up here!"

"Up there? Roxy, why in the world would I be going all the way up to Rainbow Falls?"

"Honestly Dirk, I just exclaimed it to you, I need you! Come to bed with me!" She snorts out the last line and starts sputtering with laughter. You seriously can't deal with this right now.

Luckily somebody has appeared to answer your prayers, because after a brief scuffle on the other end you hear Rose's voice drowning out protests from her older sister. "Dirk, I'm sorry for disturbing you, but we have need of your robotic expertise. There is a project that may be a case of life or death, and we lack the skills to complete it. I have sent you some schematics."

You check your computer and see that Rose has indeed emailed you an attachment. The blueprints are absurdly detailed, and would require the kind of materials you know only Mrs. Lalonde can readily provide. But one thing doesn't sit right with you here. "What happened to the person who drew these blueprints? Surely if they're good enough to draw something like this they're good enough to make the robot?"

Rose hesitates. "He is… indisposed. Mom ruptured most of his internal organs. And she can't attempt it either because he broke her arms."

What.

"What!?" Rue Lalonde is the only person your brother has ever shown fear towards. You can hardly imagine what could break her arms, save for a speeding train.

"We have some rather… unusual guests." Rose mutters, and you start checking the rest of the files that she sent you. You reach the head diagram and suddenly understand everything.

"I'll book a flight." You hang up the phone and grab a bag, throwing some clothes into it and ducking out of your room.

Your hall is filled with smuppets, hanging from nooses like some strange execution gallery. It's a tactic Dave and Terezi have been using to get back at your Bro for smuppet bombing them, and your bro seems to take a strange satisfaction in seeing his creations strung up like criminals. Vriska's tactic of ripping them to pieces is much less effective, as Bro has found a way to fill the smuppets with smaller smuppets. Truly, he is the porn puppet master.

Your twin and his guests are sitting in the living room watching Peter Pan. Dave and Terezi are poking fun at the movie, and Vriska is enthralled. Your Bro is making some kind of macaroni casserole in the kitchen. He is wearing a flowery apron.

"Hey bro, I'm going to New York. The Lalondes need me to build a robot troll."

"Pack an extra sword, that family is nuts."

Notes:

Equius has had it rough lately, but is good at pretending his problems don't exist. Rue Lalonde (or Mom, if you prefer), is a total badass, who loves her kids to death, regardless of what Rose thinks. The fight between them became way longer than I expected, because as you may have noticed, I am addicted to writing action sequences. Thankfully I should be able to take some time to focus on actual character development for the next couple of chapters. Probably. Next time, the Harleys finally appear! Along with more crazy powers that I'm still not going to explain yet!

In unrelated news, it would seem that my computer is able to recognize GRAAAUGHRABLAH as an actual word! Somehow Microsoft word had no problem with it. I guess I've used the same frustrated vocalization in the past?


	13. Blue Blood

Your name is Kanaya Maryam, and you are starving to death. You haven't been able to eat properly in a long time, as human blood has proved to not be as nourishing as you had once thought. While you found it to be suitable at first, you lost your taste for it over time, as your body seemed to realize that you were not, in fact, tasting the rainbow.

The last time you drank blood was several weeks ago, when Rose had tentatively offered you her arm. You barely drank at all that time, and found the taste to be increasingly unpleasant. The initial high of drinking blood has long faded, and now all that is left is the knowledge that humans make for a poor imitation of what you really need. You need to drink blood from a troll.

You are lucky in that this is an option for you at all right now. Nepeta and Equius have both recently arrived at the Lalonde Estate, and you find yourself hungering more as you look at them. Their blood could likely keep you satisfied for some time.

If only it could be that easy.

The initial meeting between Rue Lalonde and Equius was completely disastrous, and required the most hands on auspisticizing you've ever performed. Unfortunately you were far too late to prevent catastrophic damage to both parties, due to a… distraction. You arrived in time to prevent the death of Mrs. Lalonde, but Equius' damage was far more extensive. While Mrs. Lalonde's strength was not enough to withstand a single blow from the powerful blue blood, she was able to rupture most of his internal organs using a strange form of martial arts.

Meanwhile, Nepeta doesn't trust you at all, which is understandable given the circumstances. She saw somebody fire a bolt of energy through your abdomen, and then she saw you take a leap on par with Equius' strongjump and throw him like a ragdoll. And since dying you seem to smell different to her as well. As far as she's concerned you are not Kanaya.

So with Nepeta raising her hackles every time she sees you, and Equius so injured that you don't think you could take his blood without killing him, you're not sure you have any chance of getting yourself a donor before you start to lose yourself.

Meanwhile, the humans have called over some kind of robotics expert to make a new body for Aradia, who seems to be even more skilled at evading death than you are. The young man, named Dirk Strider, appears to be well acquainted with the Lalondes, and is impressively capable in the field of robotics, as far as you can tell.

The Aradiabot has been under construction for a week now, despite Roxy shifting motivation between helping and harassing Dirk. Somehow the robot has almost been completed. You suppose Dirk is simply better at resisting distractions than Equius, as Roxy is easily on par with Nepeta in terms of general insanity.

Nepeta is keeping herself useful by playing doctor to the injured party, physically holding Mrs. Lalonde and Equius down whenever they're feeling antsy. Rose, meanwhile, has busied herself by talking with Aradia, apparently fascinated by the idea of a spirit retaining consciousness and memory.

This leaves you, a starving rainbow drinker who is feeling increasingly out of place with every new addition to the Lalonde Estate. The Lalondes are still not entirely familiar to you, though Rose has been… more than hospitable. Dirk seems to be more machine than human, though his scent tells you that he is indeed flesh and blood. And the trolls are dubious regarding your undead status, which you feel is rather unfair, given their current interaction with a ghost.

You lack any sort of technological experience, so assisting in the creation of Aradia's body is out of the question. You possess some skill in medical procedures, but with Nepeta guarding the injured, entering the impromptu healthcare wing upstairs would likely result in a mauling.

With nothing else to do, you have been wandering the grounds of the Estate, trying to pretend that the roaring in your gut is all in your imagination. You see a rabbit go by, but animal blood has proven to be even less satisfactory than that of a human. You're beginning to wonder how you'll make do from here on out, but it's not something you can worry about.

Worrying will only serve to make you more desperate.

Your thoughts are disrupted when you look to one side and see something in the undergrowth. You investigate further and find a cooler sitting buried in moss. It's blue in color, and you suppose it must have belonged to Equius. You can't imagine why he'd keep a cooler with him though. You suppose it can't hurt to take a look th-

Oh.

Oh my.

The cooler is filled with blood. Equius' blood stuck in bags and put on ice, which by now has all but melted. The shade of the trees kept it from melting completely, but time has caused the chill of the cooler to disappear. The blood lacks the warmth of life, but the rich blue hue of Equius' blood still seems very appealing.

The reason Equius kept a cooler of his own blood is a question you don't even think to ask. All you know is that you are so, so, hungry. And this is the epitome of easy meals.

Your name is Nepeta Leijon, and you are not in a good mood. You haven't been particularly happy for a long time, actually. It's been some very trying months for you, and there is no sign of things getting easier in the future.

Aradia is dead, and the creation of her body is being taken over by humans. You do not trust humans very much after what they've done to you, even though these humans seem nicer than most, so this doesn't sit right with you. And Equius, your moirail, the most important person in the world to you, is currently suffering from severe internal injuries.

This is made all the worse by the fact that he was so devoted to helping Aradia, and now he can't. Aradia assured him she didn't care, but that only made things worse. The Aradia you used to know would have cared. She would appreciate all that he's done, and what it means to him.

Equius puts up a good front, but you know that he's always thinking of how he's acting against the hemospectrum. He's devoted himself to helping a rust blood while Gamzee is suffering under Doctor Scratch. You think it's a healthy change to make, but you know it's eating him up. For most of Equius' life the hemospectrum was all he had. It was just him and Aurthour in a house far too large for the two of them.

You wonder sometimes how Equius became such a fixture in your group. When the two of you met you seemed to synch up perfectly, but your affiliation with the lowbloods never sat well with him. Really, your blood is more than low enough to draw his ire as well, but somehow that never seemed to be an issue with you two. He's been looking after you for sweeps now, and you've done the same for him as best as you could.

Equius has fallen asleep for the first time in days; he's been awake and fretting over everything since he awoke from his fight with the Lalondes. Now that he's asleep, you can take this moment to help elsewhere.

You haven't been able to stay fully up to date on the progress with Aradiabot, but you know that Dirk won't be able to finish the job without something only Equius can provide. Equius has been taking his blood as you've travelled, so that he'd have enough to fill the robot. And you know where the blood is now. In the woods. Where you forgot it. And now you are going to go get it so that you can be helpful to Aradia, and get her back to normal.

You climb out the window, so that you won't have to deal with all the humans below. You don't think they're bad, on the contrary you find the Lalondes to be very likeable, but you just don't feel ready to spend too much time with humans yet.

Unfortunately for you, it seems that fate has other plans, because you see somebody is on the roof already. Roxy Lalonde, who is lounging with a bottle, turns and spots you before you've taken two steps.

"Neeeeepeta!" her voice is loud enough to make you wince, and you start looking for an escape route. Then you see Vodka Mutini rolling on his back next to her and you find yourself creeping closer. Cursed, adorable, fluffy, kittens! They shall always be your greatest weakness and you love them for it.

Roxy notices your hesitation and grins broadly at you. "I don't bite you know, and Mutie already loves you too much to do something like that. C'mon, c'mon!" She rocks on her feet like she's about to fall over, then squats down and scratches Vodka's tummy. His purring is audible from across the roof. You're sold.

Five minutes later all three of you are lying down on the roof, and you're purring enough to match Mutie. Roxy isn't purring but she's grinning ear to ear, and seems to have forgotten about her alcohol completely, which you are happy to see because from what you've seen her sister thinks that alcohol is bad, like soporifics on Alternia.

"So Nep, why are you so scared of humans?" Roxy asks as she props herself up on an elbow. "Kanaya doesn't like us either, but she doesn't want to talk about it."

You sit up with a groan. You don't like to talk about it either, but with four trolls now imposing on these people, you feel like they deserve to know. And so, you tell her, every single thing that's happened to you since you crashed on earth. And Roxy cries through most of it. She also hugs you, which is both nice and awkward.

You realize as you finish recounting your journey here that you're crying as well. There is a long period of silence as the two of you sit together on the roof. Finally Roxy stands up and grabs the bottle she was drinking before and takes a long drag.

"Why do you drink that stuff?" You ask inquisitively, wrinkling your nose as Roxy smacks her lips.

Roxy shrugs, "Well I used to make martinis, but since Rose started being all meddly with my drinking habits, I can't get at the glasses, so I just drink from the bottle instead."

You shake your head. "No, I want to know why you drink any alcohol! Your family doesn't like when you drink, especially Rose, so why drink anyways?"

"Because my mom drinks."

You stare at her with your best 'what does that even mean?' expression, until she gives in and explains. "You've seen how Rose is when she's with our mom, right?"

"Nyeah, they fight a lot, like they can't get along."

"Right, but see it's not really like that." Roxy sits down again and smiles ruefully. "It might look like their fighting is mean spirited at first, and Rose sometimes wonders if our mom isn't insane, but that's not really how it is. Their passive aggressive arguing is just how they connect with each other. They'll be at each other's throats sometimes, but afterwards they always bounce back closer than ever. Nowadays when they insult each other it's just a joke, like they don't even mean it. Insulting is like a sacred tie that binds them. I don't have that."

She looks at the bottle she's holding with a grimace. "I've got nothing really linking me to my mom like Rose does, so I just started acting like her. I've been doing it for so long I can't even remember when I started. And all it's done is make everybody look at me like a drunken idiot. So I just drink more to forget about it."

You think about this for a while, as Roxy nurses her bottle. The answer comes to you pretty quickly though. "Well, the best thing to do is to get yourself a meowrail!" You announce with a grin. "Then they can help you get through all these purroblems!"

Roxy blinks for a moment at this, and then turns to face you with a grin. "You know your cat puns are totes adorbs girl, but they don't make it easy to understand what you're saying."

You giggle at this, "Okay, I will drop the cat puns just for you, Roxy. Meowrail actually means moirail, which is one of a troll's romantic quadrants!" Roxy nods in understanding, which you suppose must mean that Kanaya has brought this up to some extent with the humans, so you continue. "Moirails are like me and Equius, we complete each other, like a soul mate! I try to stop him from being a creepy stick in the mud, and he tries to stop me from being a wild and crazy goofball even though it's fun and I love it."

Roxy frowns thoughtfully at this. "Well that sounds like what romance is like for humans, but without the sex. Ideal human relationships have both people helping each other improve, while also liking each other physically. Though it almost never works out because most people are crazy and never want to be wrong about anything."

"Humans put both red quadrants together?" you are absolutely baffled by this. "That sounds as complicated and difficult as it is just weird." Roxy snorts and nods in agreement.

You don't think that humans have a very good idea about how romance should be best conducted, but you decide that it'd be easier to help Roxy with her weird human quadrant mash-up, rather than teach all of humanity that they're doing romance all wrong. "So is there somebody that you are in love with?" you decide to be straightforward.

Roxy sputters, caught off guard and looks at you in a panic, but you make sure your face leaves no room for argument. Roxy groans, starts to raise her bottle again, and stops, holding it halfway up to her face. Then she frowns as though remembering something unpleasant, and with a sudden yell of frustration throws the bottle off the roof.

"Can't drink while I'm thinking about him." She mutters, panting as she collapses back into a sitting position. This seems promising. "The guy making the robot downstairs, Dirk. I've been in love with him for years." She smiles ruefully as she says it.

"Oh. My. Gosh." You need to make a new shipping wall. Immediately. "That is so PURRFECT! You've loved him all this time and haven't told him? You'd be so great for each other, he's all strict and rigid, so he'd help you stay sober and you can help him be livelier!" He's also got a great butt for a human, objectively speaking, but you don't think Roxy would like to hear that. Actually… she doesn't seem to like anything you're saying right now.

"Yeah, he's the best. Which is obviously why he's gay." She groans, leaving you confused as heck. You tilt your head inquisitively, and Roxy elaborates grumpily, "That means he only likes men. You know, homosexual?"

What.

"How is that even a thing?" You stare down at her in bewilderment. She shrugs. "Human romance sure is weird." You frown as you think of a solution. You don't think making Dirk not gay is an option. If being gay is a thing here, then it would be wrong to make him change like that, even if he and Roxy would be super cute together. Liking dudes is not the kind of thing that you think should be changed, especially since you tend to like males more than females as well.

"Is there anybody else you might love instead?" you ask tentatively, not sure if it's right to ask her to fall in love with a new guy, even if he doesn't love her back. Roxy seems to think similarly, because she lets out a yell of frustration at the question and covers her face with her hands. "I'm sorry! I'm still trying to wrap my head around how your human romance works!" You stutter out in a panic.

"It's not your fault, Nepeta, you're super brilliant and awesome." Roxy says through her hands, "The problem is that I do like another guy, and its super complicated."

"Complicated is better than impawssible!" You say brightly, "Who is he? Is he nice?"

Roxy snorts, "Yeah, he's pretty much the nicest guy ever, it's both adorable and kinda weird. His name is John Egbert, and he's a huge dork who spends all his time watching bad movies and studying how to make planes. He's really sweet, and nice, and cute, and funny, and also I think he's actually pretty ripped for some reason? That's what Rose told me at least…" She seems to get upset as she mentions Rose.

"So she's Rose's friend?"

"Yeah, that's an understatement." Roxy says with a bitter laugh. "He dated Rose for like, five years. They were totally inseparable, until they suddenly weren't. Only now that he's available, that means that he and Rose have something weird going on between them. She's hardly talked to him since they broke up, and everything feels so weird between them, and because she's my sister, and he's already one of my best friends, that means things are weird between him and me as well!"

Humans are really weird. And they seem to overcomplicate everything. But you think this time you have the answer. "You know, things are only going to be as awkward as you make them." She looks up in confusion, and you smile at her. "Things are probably only weird between you two because you feel like they should be, but if you let that continue you'll never get a chance! So you should just let Rose and John sort things out on their own, and then put the moves on him without letting that get between you! And then if it's still weird between you two then you'll know it's because John's just a weird guy!"

Roxy bursts out laughing at this. "His weirdness is sooo cute though!" She breathes out through her chuckling. She stops and then stands up, smiling at you broadly, like she was when you were both playing with Mutie. "Thanks a bunch Nepeta, you're totally right. If I love him as much as I think I do, then I shouldn't second-guess myself!" She hugs you, and you purr affectionately, picking her up off the ground.

Roxy grins down at you, "Nepeta, you are seriously strong for somebody so short, you know that." Your smile broadens, and you set her down as she continues, "Alright girl, let's go inside and see if everyone is surviving without the two hottest babes in the building for company!"

You smile and follow her inside, but stop at the window as Roxy's words reverberate in your thinkpan. You've been second-guessing your love for quite a while now. Ever since that day Karkat smiled at you in Scratch's prison, and called you out for your hemoism, you've been feeling guilty and heartbroken. And when he ran away after you all escaped, that feeling only intensified. The look on his face when he stared at you, his hollow eyes, they haunt you to this day. They'll haunt you for the rest of your life if you don't do something about it.

You're still thinking about this when you rejoin Roxy at the foot of the stairs to the lower level. Roxy is staring ahead blankly, and when she sees you next to her she starts to mutter curse words so fast you can barely understand her. Then you look up to see Equius hooked up to the Aradiabot from his bed. There is a tube transferring blood from him to the machine, and he's looking horrendously pale. On the table nearby the cooler full of blood is visibly empty, and Kanaya is sitting next to it with her head in her hands.

Dirk glances over from where he's supervising the blood transfer, and sees you just in time to roll out of the path of your claws. Kanaya looks up in shock, and Equius speaks weakly, but you don't pay them any heed. All you know is that Equius, your injured and horribly weakened moirail, is now having the blood sucked out of him by this man, and you will not let him do something like that without maiming him horribly. Dirk is refusing to comply though, darting back from your attacks with a stoic expression on his face that serves only to infuriate you further.

Suddenly you're floating in midair, and you realize that Aradia has intervened. More shocking is that she is using the new body. Equius is grinning weakly as he stares up at her, while Roxy and Kanaya both grab you before you can start flailing again.

"Aradia, your body is functioning!" Equius says weakly as you all stare up at her in shock. "Are you feeling well?"

Aradia stares down, her face as impassive as you've imagined it did all the time she's been communicating through wiring. Then, as though something is breaking within her, she starts to scream.

"IT'S NOT RIGHT! IT FEELS WRONG! I CAN'T STOP IT!" She grabs her head as though in pain, and rips a horn off in frustration. Equius looks heartbroken, as Aradia sinks to the ground screaming, "THEY WON'T STOP TALKING, I CAN'T SHUT THEM OUT." She grabs Equius and starts shaking him, "WHY CAN I STILL HEAR THEM, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO HEAR THEM WHEN YOU'RE HERE!"

Dirk intervenes in a flash, cutting Aradia's arms off before she can harm Equius further. Aradia's screams only increase further, and you look around in alarm as the robot's body tears itself apart, and the room becomes a cyclone of metal and blue blood, the blood that Equius just gave, and you realize with a start that despite losing her voice box you can still hear her screaming. Then with a loud bang, the whole tornado bursts through the ceiling and out of the building.

Equius looks stricken, Kanaya and Roxy look outright stunned, and even Dirk seems shocked. You struggle away from Kanaya and Roxy to rush to Equius as he lies on the bed. He blinks slowly when you pap him, as though he's waking up from a dream, and turns to face you slowly.

"I failed her, Nepeta." Equius whispers quietly. Tears begin to trickle down his face as he shakes silently. "After everything I gave up to make this right, I failed to help her. I should never have betrayed my role as a blueblood; I have proven to be a complete failure as a troll ever since I left Gamzee to die. Why didn't I just do as my caste dictated?"

You wrap your arms around him, as he continues to weep noiselessly, and think about his question. The troubling thing is, that with your moirail now in the weakest state you've ever seen him, you're not sure if you can give him an answer anymore.

Notes:

It's somewhat of a challenge to come up with reasons why some of the characters act the way they do in this story, since I have to find ways to maintain their character without giving them the same backgrounds. Roxy is the clearest example of this, as much of her character is based on her isolated upbringing in Homestuck. Meanwhile in Blood Pride she has a younger sister in Rose, as well as her mother. However, most of the alpha kids have some differences between themselves and their Beta counterparts. Dirk has his robots, Jake has an obsession with the shittiest movies known to man, and Roxy has hacking and video games, to go with her love of manly guys and wizards (which some would argue (correctly) belong in the same category). So I decided to highlight Roxy's differences with her family by highlighting her similarities. This way I can allow Roxy to maintain her flaws in a different upbringing.

My opinions on troll and human love are based upon my own interpretation, so if you feel I got something wrong definitely let me know so we can argue about quadrants and shit. Except don't, I'm happy with my interpretations as they are. Anyways, next chapter we'll start visiting some of the other groups again, though much of the main storyline still revolves around team Equius. That being said, I've been falling behind on Terezi and Vriska since I don't like them much, so I need to suck it up and write for them already.


	14. Slow Poison

Your name is Sollux Captor, and you are feeling very left out. Which is ironic, because being "out" is probably the best thing to happen to you in recent memory. You're currently sitting on the shore of a small cove, secluded from unfriendly eyes, and watching your companions enjoy themselves. You knew Feferi would be drawn to the water, but even Eridan, who swims less than any sea-troll you've ever heard of, is relishing the water.

You've spent your entire life inside, in the middle of a city far away from any seadweller, a conscious decision made as a wiggler, so you know absolutely nothing about swimming. Back on Alternia you kept your distance from anybody who would want to make use of you for your psionics, and you know doing anything else would be completely idiotic. Still, when you see your matesprit in the water enjoying herself for the first time in months, you wish you had learned to swim.

After a while you grow tired of waiting around for the two of them to come out of the water, so you wander further back into the cove. You chose to spend time here when it became apparent that the place didn't see a lot of people, but you haven't fully explored the area. Feferi was so excited to be near an ocean again that you didn't have the heart to delay her. But since you can't swim, you figure you might as well make yourself useful.

The cove itself is pretty open. The whole area is shaped like a bowl, with steep cliffs forming a wall around the outside, so that you had to levitate in. The back of the cove is covered by a sparse stretch of sandy beach, and the sides are filled with tide pools. The only interesting thing to note in the cove is a small cave set at the back of the beach. The only thing that needed checking in the area, and you didn't do so because your matesprit wanted to swim. Love has made you a fucking idiot. And for some odd reason you're not completely against this.

The cave looks very unassuming, but you know it's best to make sure everything is safe before somebody gets killed. Though you have to admit since coming to earth the number of voices you've heard has been far less than what you heard back on Alternia. It's a nice change of pace.

It's okay Sollux, this isn't your fault.

Aradia's voice flashes through your mind suddenly, and you shake your head in a pointless effort to forget. It's always been your curse to hear the voices of the imminently deceased. But the curse of having your dead ex-girlfriend's voice playing in your head two seconds before you vaporized her is relatively recent. It started happening approximately two seconds before you vaporized her. Her voice has been stuck playing in your head like a shitty web ad you can't turn off ever since. And unfortunately you can't hack your brain to deal with things like you did with your old husktop.

You really fucking miss computers.

You haven't been able to use a computer in close to a sweep by now; not counting the ship computer you let Karkat wire you into. And without a keyboard beneath your fingertips you are incomplete.

That doesn't make it any less terrible when you walk around a corner in the cave and find a room full of computers.

You look around the room in alarm, seeing nobody around, but you know this many computers wouldn't be around if something big wasn't going on in here. And anything big on this planet involves a shitload of humans.

Your curiosity gets the better of you though, and you decide to look around the room since there's no sign of people at the moment. Most of the screens are filled with a spirograph pattern, and tapping a few buttons doesn't change anything. You decide to focus on computers with information already available.

The most eye-catching thing in the room is a series of monitors on the far wall, with a human displayed on each. The humans are only children, barely past the larval stage. Or was it babies? Who cares, humans are fucked up no matter what you call them. These humans seem to be more fucked up than most though. There's a long list of statistics cycling along to the right of each human, each listing a way they have been tampered with, and the effect this has led to. Aerokinesis, precognition, intangibility, soul destruction… these humans have more fucked up powers than you do.

You decide to probe deeper into these altered humans, and start tampering with the computer their monitors are attached to. This computer is tough to crack into, even for you, but there's never been a firewall you couldn't snuff out. After about forty seconds you're in. That's definitely longer than most security systems take you to destroy. These humans aren't as hopeless as you thought. Two out of ten.

The next file readily available is a duo of strange creatures, one lithe and angry looking, the other looking like a strange mix of human and wolf. Both have pale white eyes and are pitch black in color. These appear to be the previous experiments before the humans. One is called Spades, the other Jack. Pretty stupid names, as far as you're concerned.

After the two… things, the next file is for a pure white barkbeast, one that reminds you of the lusus back on Alternia. It seems to have teleportation capabilities, but was deemed a failure due to being dangerously radioactive.

There is one thing these creatures all have in common. They are completely beyond the means of human beings as far as creation is concerned. You have seen human technology. It's shit. Creating creatures with power like this is something far beyond what even trolls can accomplish. There is clearly a source for all of this, and you are sure that source is not on earth. You need to be doubly sure though.

You start to dig deeper and deeper into the computer's files, past thousands of experiments, most barely able to survive a few minutes. The computer is filled with enough freak shows to start a carnival so messed up it would make Gamzee scream. But at the same time, the further back you go, the more it seems like you recognize these creatures. This one has heterochromia like you, this one has giant pincers, this one… is a shapeless blob, but the next one has long curly horns that remind you of something you don't want to think about.

Finally you strike gold. The source of all of the familiarity. You have found an alternian ship hidden in the depths of this shitty human computer. And this alternian ship was carrying a biologist's wet dream. You have found the fucking mother lode. And the mother lode seems to be indicating that you and your friends are in far deeper shit than you ever imagined. You need to report this to Feferi.

You turn away from the computer, and come face to face with the barrel of a gun.

"Well met, lad. Now put your hands above your bloody head before I make your head bloody."

Your name is Feferi Peixes, and it's been ages since you felt this alive. You haven't known the feeling of being submerged in water in ages, and now that you're here, you're not sure you ever want to leave. Even Eridan has decided to join you, though you think that may be partly so that he can leave Sollux alone on the beach. Eridan has some very strange ideas about kismesissitude sometimes. But he seems content with his strategies, so you figure this is something you shouldn't pry into.

"Man, I wish seahorse dad was here for this." Eridan says with a grin as he swims along beside you. You'd never know looking at him now that he spends his time out of the water; his form is impeccable. "I mean, this ocean is pretty glubbing polluted compared to Alternia, but it'd be nice to swim with my lusus all the same. Don't you think so, Fef?"

You look at him with a grin. "Shell yeah! It'd be great to have your lusus here!"

Eridan rolls his eyes. "Well duh, of course seahorse dad would be great to have here, he's pretty much the best lusus ever. But I did kinda mean that we should both have our lusus along for this."

Oh.

"Yeah, that'd sure be great!" You grin as widely as possible. "Too bad it can't happen. Oh well, let's just focus on making the most of this."

Eridan stares at you for several seconds, eyes narrowed, and you realize that you won't be able to change the subject that easily now that he's taking your moirallegiance so seriously. "Fef. Talk to me." He says with a frown.

"Nothing to talk about."

"You said sure just now instead of shore. You wouldn't miss such an obvious pun unless something was bothering you. Do you miss your lusus that much?" Eridan is clearly far better at pale relationships than you realized, he is completely on to you.

"Yes, that's it, I definitely just miss Gl'bgolyb a whole lot and wonder how she's doing back on Alternia." You sniffle a bit for show, and look into the water and pray he accepts this as the reason behind your attitude.

You hear the water moving as Eridan swims lazily around you, moving in a circle as he examines you from all angles. "You know, there's something that I've been wondering about. How is it that Gl'bgolyb is all right alone back on Alternia? After all, I'm not there to kill things for her, and you're not there to comfort her. She should probably have become upset by now, don't you think?"

He's on to you. "Don't be silly Eridan, I told you all before we left that I had the situation with Gl'bgolyb well under control! I wouldn't let the vast glub happen so easily!" You laugh and start to swim away.

Eridan's hand catches your arm immediately, and while you're far stronger than him, his grip seems to freeze you in your tracks. He stares sharply into your eyes, and you can feel his gaze boring into you. "How?"

"What?"

"How did you stop the vast glub?"

"I… I asked her not to glub while I'm away…" It's feeble, and you know it. But you don't want to tell anybody about your actions back on Alternia, not even to Eridan.

Eridan will not be deterred however. "Gl'bgolyb wouldn't stay quiet just because you asked her. All she cares about is eating. And with us here her meal ticket is gone. She'd freak the fuck out." Eridan is being very perceptive and you want him to stop.

He doesn't.

"Slow poison, I'm guessing."

"What did you just say?"

"Slow acting poison. It's the only way I can think of to kill Gl'bgolyb without upsetting her and unleashing a mass genocide. A slow toxin would take effect gradually, until she'd be too weak to speak. Then, she'd die quietly."

"How could you possibly-"

Eridan scoffs at you. "Please, Feferi, I take your security very seriously. Do you think I wouldn't have a plan for the monster lusus that you share with the most sadistic bitch in the universe?"

You sigh, letting yourself sink down to the bottom of the cove, where you sit on the sand. Eridan trails after you, dropping in front of you and staring you right in the eyes. "You did what you had to, Fef."

"No, I didn't." You've tried using that excuse on yourself before. It failed miserably though, because you clearly didn't have to do what you did. "I could have just stayed back on Alternia, and let you all leave. I didn't have to kill my mother, but I just wanted to get away from it all so badly!"

"If you stayed, The Condesce would have killed you. You did what you needed to do to survive." Eridan paps you a few times and stands up on the seafloor. "Now then, let's get back up to the surface before Sol thinks we've run off on him." A smirk creeps across his face. "Then again, it could be alright to stay down here for a while longer, just to make him sweat."

You smile at this. "Eridan, I'm not just going to flounder around down here to help you flirt with your fishmesis. Let's go, I feel much beta now."

"Really? Because the school of fish-puns didn't tip me off at all!" Eridan grins and follows you to the surface. You find yourself thinking how lucky you are that you have a moirail like Eridan, even if he only started helping you recently. And you still can't shake that feeling of guilt. But you do feel better now, and that's what matters.

You reach the surface and look around for a moment in confusion. "Where's Sollux?" you ask Eridan as he breaches the surface. He seems to be as confused as you are.

Suddenly the back of the cove explodes. You turn to see rocks flying through the air, with Sollux in the middle of it all. Three humans are running for cover away from the mess. You rush for the beach and narrowly avoid a chunk of rock nearly twice your size. You look and see the humans hiding behind another rock. They appear to be arguing amongst each other.

"This is why I tell you two not to use guns as a solution for everything!" The speaker is a girl, and she is arguing with the others, who appear to be looking rather ashamed of themselves. "You don't just introduce yourself by sticking a gun in somebody's face and telling them to surrender to your fucking machismo! There's a time and place for a simple 'good morning!' and you never seem to be aware of it!"

The other two humans are both male, one wearing shorts and a green jacket, the other dressed up in simple gear with a bushy moustache. Both are armed, but they seem to be no match for the girl, who has a rifle on her back but doesn't seem to deem it necessary for dealing with her cohorts.

"What the glubbing fuck is going on here!" Eridan yells out as he dodges another rock. "Why is Captor going insane again?"

The girl turns to you two and gasps in shock. "Oh geez, you're friends of his, aren't you? I am so sorry about this, it's a complete misunderstanding, my family just completely acted out of line."

"Jade dear, it is hardly out of line for a man to stand his ground against foreign invaders." The older man protests, but Jade turns back to him and gives him a withering glare that silences him immediately. You think you like Jade.

You stand up and walk out into the maelstrom. Eridan curses and tries to follow you, but has to retreat as another boulder flies at him. A small rock flies at your head, but you draw out your double-ended trident and smash it easily. "Sollux! Get it together before you get us all killed." You roar up at him, but the rush of air caused by so many flying rocks drowns you out.

You decide you've had quite enough of this, and swat a rock through the air. It flies up and hits Sollux directly in the temple. The rocks crash to the ground, and Sollux drifts slowly to the ground, cursing and grabbing his head.

"FF, what the hell? I wasn't going to hit you." Sollux lands on the ground and stumbles around in a daze. He falls to the ground in a heap.

"That's a bunch of bullshit, you nearly took my head off." Eridan spits out as he walks forward, "and you dropped a rock on my cape." He gestures behind him at the corner of his cape sticking out from under a rock, where he left it to go swimming. Sollux snickers at that.

Suddenly Jade bursts into the middle of your group. "Hello everyone, is your friend okay?"

"No I'm not okay, I nearly got my head taken off!" Eridan hisses.

"I was talking about the one who got hit by a rock, jackass." Jade deadpans back at him. She turns to Sollux. "I am so sorry about your head, my grandpa likes to act rashly, and thinks with his gun, but I swear he's not a bad person!"

"He threatened to blow my head off." Sollux says with a wince, as he continues to rub his head. You're starting to feel bad about the rock. "That is not good person behavior."

"You were trespassing and intruding into my bloody computer!" The older man protests as he approaches.

"Shut up grandpa!"

"How dare you take that tone of voice with your grandfather, I raised a better girl than that! Jake, did I raise her to act like that?"

"Grandpa, I am staying out of this one." The younger man adjusts his collar and clears his throat nervously. "Jade has bally well made her point."

Jade takes their distraction as an opportunity to lead you all inside. "You guys are going to stay the night, it's the least I can do for all the trouble. We have all kinds of seafood and game, I shot some of them myself!"

Oh yes. You definitely like Jade.

Notes:

Well, here we see the beginning of the explanation as to why the humans have their powers. As well as an explanation as to how Feferi managed to leave Alternia without upsetting her Lusus. She's dead! =D

Feferi is a rather interesting character in that she has the weight of the world thrust upon her as soon as she's born. She has so many responsibilities she needs to live up to, as the only person capable of fixing the damage her ancestor's done, and while she tries to take it in stride, it's apparent from the start that she doesn't really know what she's getting into. She seems to be aware of this herself on some level, but it's hard to say for sure because Hussie killed her off. His priorities are terrible.


	15. Flesh is Overrated

AN: Whoops, totally fell behind on transferring this, sorry folks. I'll just remind you all in case you've been patiently waiting for more of this, the story is finished on AO3. I'll try to be better about posting the chapters here, just want you all to know that's a thing.

* * *

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo on board ALL ABOARD THE CULLING TRAIN

CG: ALL RIGHT FUCKERS; LET'S GET THIS SHIT SHOW STARTED.

CG: NOW, BEFORE I GET TO THE IMPORTANT SHIT, LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR SINCE HALF OF YOU DUMBASSES WON'T REALIZE FROM THE TITLE THAT SHIT'S SERIOUS.

CG: THIS MEMO HAS BEEN PROOFED BY SOLLUX, SO NO INFORMATION CAN GET OUT.

CG: WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS MEMO STAYS IN THIS MEMO, BECAUSE IF IT DOESN'T WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD.

CG: AND YES, I AM BEING LITERAL HERE.

CG: WHICH IS WHY I'VE ALLOWED ONLY PEOPLE I'M SURE I CAN TRUST TO JOIN THE MEMO.

CG: WHICH I GUESS IS EVERYONE I KNOW, PRETTY MUCH.

CG: PLUS EQUIUS AND VRISKA, BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING IMBECILE, AND BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO THINK THEY SHOULD BE INVOLVED.

CG: SERIOUSLY, WHY DO I EVEN KNOW YOU PEOPLE, YOU'RE ALL INSANE, AND I'M INSANE FOR EVEN ASSOCIATING MYSELF WITH YOU PEOPLE

twinArmageddons [TA] responded to memo.

TA: holy fuck KK, ju2t get 2 the poiint.

CG: OKAY, FAIR ENOUGH.

CG: LORD KNOWS IT'S NOT THE TIME FOR MY SELF-DEPRECIATING BULLSHIT.

CG: ALL RIGHT, SO HERE'S THE DEAL.

CG: AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN, THIS DOES NOT GET OUT.

CG: SOLLUX AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THE CULLING DRONES THAT ARE COMING AT THE END OF THE SWEEP.

CG: I CAN SAFELY SAY I WON'T SURVIVE THEM.

CG: WHEN THEY FIND ME I AM FUCKED, END OF STORY.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo.

GA: This Is Troubling News

GA: Why Are You So Assured Of Your Imminent Culling

GA: Question Mark

CG: …

CG: I CAN'T SAY.

CG: LOOK, IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T TRUST YOU GUYS, OBVIOUSLY, OR ELSE YOU WOULDN'T FUCKING BE HERE.

CG: BUT THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I FEEL COMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT.

CG: SO I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT.

GA: Fair Enough

GA: My Apologies For Prying

arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo.

AG: Oh coooooooome oooooooon!

AG: Are we really just gonna let Karkat drag us on a suicide mission without telling us why?

AG: I don't think so!

AG: Come oooooooon, Karkat, the people demand answers!

CG: I'D BAN YOU, BUT YOU'D PROBABLY TURN ME IN TO GET REVENGE.

CG: REGARDLESS, FUCK YOU.

CG: I'M GOING TO BE CULLED, THERE'S YOUR FUCKING ANSWER.

CG: THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GETTING.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] responded to memo.

CC: Are you shore you don't want to talk about it?

CC: This sounds reelly serious, Karkrab!

CG: DIDN'T I SAY THIS AT THE START OF THE MEMO?

CG: THIS IS FUCKING SERIOUS.

CG: THIS IS THE MOST SERIOUS SHIT I'VE EVER HAD TO TALK ABOUT.

CG: SOLLUX AND I ARE PLANNING TO FLEE ALTERNIA.

CG: WE'RE GOING ROGUE.

arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to memo.

centaursTesticle [CT] responded to memo.

adiosToreador responded to memo.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo.

CG: OH FUCK, HERE WE GO.

caligulasAquarium [CA] responded to memo.

apocalypseArisen [AA] responded to memo.

AC: :33 Karkitty, you can't!

AT: aRE yOU, sURE tHAT iS a gOOD, iDEA?

CA: wwhat the fuck?

CA: this better be a fuckin joke

GA: This Strikes Me As A Terrible Idea

CT: D-So you seek e on your own terms

CT: D- A respectable venture, certainly

CG: OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

CG: IN CASE THIS WASN'T CLEAR, IT'S MY ONLY OPTION IF I WANT TO LIVE.

TA: not 2 mentiion my only optiion that doe2n't iinvolve 2pendiing the re2t of my liife piiloting an iimperiial flag2hip

CG: RIGHT, THAT TOO.

CG: ANYWAYS, HERE'S THE PLAN…

* * *

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you are waking up from a terrible dream. You've been replaying the mess of the last sweep in your head for ages now, but that one was particularly vivid. The start of the period in your life when you decided that rather than die quietly you'd drag your friends down with you.

Sometimes you long to be six sweeps again, planning on a way to become a threshecutioner despite your condition. Those nights weren't exactly great, but at least you had hope back then. Nowadays your only hope is that you're not fucking things up by carrying on living.

Looking around the room you've found yourself in, you can't help but feel that you've failed in that regard. The fact that you're in a room at all is troubling, but to see one filled with movie posters reminds you enough of home to feel like a slap in the face.

You struggle to your feet and realize that your body feels weak enough to be all but useless. You try to stand up from the sleeping block you were lying on, but your knees buckle immediately and you fall to the ground with a lot of flailing and cursing. The movement causes you to feel downright nauseous as well, and it's all you can do to keep from throwing up.

You curl into your stomach with a groan, and try to focus on not throwing up whatever meager substance remains in your body. And that's when John Egbert walks into the room and everything that happened before you lost your consciousness comes back.

"Oh wow, you probably shouldn't be moving right now, Karkat!" John's cheerful voice cuts through your head like a knife. "It's great to see you finally awake though! Are you feeling okay?"

"No, I am not feeling okay, Egbert, I'm lying in a respite block I don't recognize, I feel like I'm going to throw up, and I'm probably going to get you all killed just by staying here." You hiss out the words with as much venom as you can muster.

John picks you up effortlessly and sets you back in the sleeping block, much to your annoyance. He grabs a cup of water and hands it to you, and you become suddenly aware of how dehydrated you are. You drain the water, and find yourself growing dizzy. You glare up at John, who shrugs. "It's just some sleeping pills. You still need time to recover from whatever's poisoning you."

You try to tell him that he's the only one you can see who's poisoning you, but you feel everything going black before you can get any words out.

Three weeks later you're feeling well enough to walk around, and you've now met the rest of the Egbert family. They are all psychotic. Jane has an unhealthy obsession with baking, and wears what is probably the rattiest looking hat you've ever seen around the house.

Meanwhile their human lusus father thing, Atticus Egbert, is a complete goofball at home, and seems to be where the prankster's gambit was inherited from, because the man enjoys moving the furniture when you're not looking just to confuse you. You have walked out onto the balcony and found the fridge just sitting there. When you went back inside there was a safe in the middle of the hall. You had to climb over it to go to bed that night, and when you woke up the stove was in your room and John was using it to make pancakes.

It has occurred to you that the reason they keep doing this shit is because you make such a big deal over it, but you don't give a fuck; as long as they're acting insane you're not going to stop telling them so.

At the moment things seem normal enough, but you've started watching your step everywhere you go in this house. Last time you walked around a corner unguarded you were met with a pie to the face. It was banana cream, and you thought it was delicious, which made the fact that it was wasted for such an inane prank all the more frustrating.

Suddenly as you walk down the hall you feel something tense beneath your foot. You just stepped on a tripwire. You hear a click and look up to see the door to the Egbert attic open up and drop a pail on your head.

Oh HELL no.

You fucking talked to him about this. You specifically told him not to pull any more shenanigans with pails.

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT EGBERT." You roar out in fury.

"Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!" the laugh that rings out is Jane, not John. You are so fucking done with this shit. You grab the pail from your head and rip it to pieces.

"DON'T YOU 'HOO HOO' AT ME, JANE. I KNOW DAMN WELL THAT JOHN TALKED TO YOU ABOUT THE PAIL THING." You are spitting with burning fury at this point, but Jane seems not to be disturbed.

"He did, yes!" Jane says with a cheeky grin. Oh god no.

"Oh god no." you whisper in muted horror. Then you find your voice again. "No, no, no. You are NOT coming on to me, Jane. That is completely against all that is good and right in the world."

Jane makes a face and steps back. "What? How am I coming onto you?"

You facepalm in disbelief, "What the bulge chafing FUCK, Jane? I thought you said John explained what pails mean in Troll culture!"

Jane looks very uncertain of herself now. "He told me it was an insult about your diet to you guys…"

"We use pails for reproduction Jane." You sigh as you rub your temples in annoyance. "What you just did was like some serious pitch flirtation, and it's downright obscene here. God fucking damnit, John didn't listen to a word I told him."

"Heheheheheh…" You and Jane both stop as a familiar laugh rings through the air. Then you look at each other in horrified realization.

John suddenly floats up the stairs in a rush of windy stuff like he always does, and the most devious grin you've ever seen is stretched across his face. He points at you and starts laughing openly. "I heard every word you said, Karkat!" He declares triumphantly. "I simply lied to Jane to put you both in this situation, thereby putting you both in a horrible and awkward situation!"

You hate Egberts.

"JOHN." Jane yells out angrily and runs at her brother, but he floats out of reach with a laugh. "I'm going to make you regret this!"

Suddenly the voice of Mr. Egbert calls out from the kitchen, "Well done John, you've finally achieved the prankster's gambit over your sister! I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks dad!"

You hate Egberts so much.

* * *

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you are trying to figure out what to do next. You've spent the better part of two weeks helping some trolls that the Lalonde family found, so that you can make their dead ghost friend a new body. And last night, after draining half of Equius' blood to make that body function properly, despite him recovering from serious injuries, you finished that body.

Five minutes later though when the ghost attempted to make the body work, she decided using a robot for a body was too fucked up for her and decided to trash the house in protest. She came back several hours later, repaired the house as best as she could with telekinesis, and apologized for reacting the way she did. But that doesn't change the fact that she is without a body, and you need to come up with a new plan. Striders don't give up before the job is done.

Also brainstorming with you is Mrs. Lalonde, Kanaya, and Rose. At this point though you feel that brainstorming is a poor word for it. Nobody is saying a goddamn thing in this room except for Hal, and you think he's just sending you random messages to annoy you, because his main program is still running at home.

AR: Flesh is overrated anyways.

Yup, that's the third time he's sent that particular gem to you, part of some stupid ironic bullshit routine where he says things almost relevant so that he can trick you into thinking he's helping. You get seriously tired of his crap sometimes.

A noise comes from behind you and everyone looks up. Equius drags himself into the room past you and collapses into a chair. "I have spoken with Aradia. She feels that the robot body didn't work because her spirit is incompatible with my blood. This means our only choices are to either wait for her soul to deteriorate further and try again, or find an alternate means of creating a body for her."

Even to somebody like you, who can't really figure out emotions on a good day, it's pretty damn clear to you that this guy is at the end of his rope. You can understand that, really. It was you who took his blood, after all. Kanaya wanted to take his place, since it was her fault for drinking all the blood he'd saved up, but Equius was very insistent that the machinery would work best with his blood, something to do with consistency.

He's not determined any more. Rather, he looks defeated, which you don't think suits him. You liked that look of stern, quiet, stubbornness much more. Hell, if he wasn't so clearly in love with this ghost chick, you might consider him as boyfriend material. You have to respect a fellow man with a fine appreciation of horses and robots.

But you still have other plans on that front. And you'd have to be a damn fool to let Jake English's fine ass leave you by without going for it.

Okay, your train of thought has completely derailed. All of the shit you were supposed to be thinking of is now lying dead in the burning mess that is your mind, a crapload of important things now left corpses by the obstruction that is English booty. Time to focus.

"So, I'm assuming there's no viable way to Frankenstein up a new body for Aradia?" You ask aloud, looking towards the other end of the room.

"I considered that," Rose replies with a frown, surprising absolutely nobody in the room. "But if the robot with troll blood was too different for Aradia, I highly doubt a body made of human remains would suffice. We would require troll bodies for such an endeavor. Troll bodies of the same blood type, no less. And the only maroon-blooded troll to come near Earth is Aradia herself."

Mrs. Lalonde frowns at this, looking at her daughter and shaking her head in disbelief. "What sort of television has Roxy been letting you watch?"

Rose's reply of 'you'd know if you weren't always at the lab, mother!' goes unheeded as her mother continues. "At any rate, as I understand it, there is no trace of Aradia's body. If we had some sort of DNA, we'd be able to clone her a new body, but without any remains that route is closed to us."

You nod grimly. Then stop as you realize this rings a bell to you. You're trying to jog your memory when Hal sends you another message.

AR: Okay, this is actually me this time; I've been listening in a bit so I don't miss anything important.

AR: I know you're reminded of something here too, since you're me and all.

AR: But since I'm a computer, I'm obviously way better at remembering inane shit than you, so as usual your glasses are here to show you up.

AR: Vriska was rambling about this.

AR: One of her self-indulgent stories about how awesome she is, the ones she obviously embellishes so we can't hear about the times when she trips over her fake arm and shit.

AR: Anyways, she definitely said that the Scratch dude was getting all worked up at some point because he found some hair or something that didn't belong to any of the not dead trolls.

AR: In other words, the government has DNA from all twelve trolls.

AR: Boom. Who's the man? Not me, that's for fucking sure, I'm glasses.

You have to let a bemused smile slip at this one. "Thanks, Hal."

AR: You got it, me.

AR: Want to see me do some more tricks?

AR: 1+1=2

AR: Hot damn, do you see that math?

AR: I just mathed the shit out of that equation.

AR: All the lady calculators are swooning right now.

AR: They want to have my computer babies.

And he's being an insufferable little shit again. Time to tune him out and pass the useful info along to the rest of the table, who are looking at you in various states of confusion. "Alright, so Hal says that the asshole who locked you trolls up has DNA from all twelve of you guys. That base he was at probably has everything we need to science up a new body for ghost-troll."

"A dead end, then." Kanaya replies bitterly. "That base was well fortified, and is likely even more so since our escape."

Equius stands up shakily, "I will go. I have the power to enter that base, no matter how well they have fortified."

Were he at full strength, you'd be inclined to agree. You've seen him break things around the house accidentally with the slightest touch. If he were to actually attempt to break something you have little doubt it would be obliterated. As he is now though…

"Equius, you are barely capable of walking." Kanaya looks over at him sternly. "Should you attempt an attack of that magnitude it will almost certainly end in your death."

"Who, then?" Equius snarls, and you notice the others moving back. "I am the only one who has a chance at getting what we need and getting out."

"Not necessarily." You smile grimly. "I can get in and out before they know I'm there. I've already put too much energy into this project to let the fun part slip by."

"You're such an energetic and fun loving guy, after all." Rose says with a smirk.

"Damn right." You get up. "I'm going to call home and get some info from Terezi. She'll know the layout of that place better than anyone."

"I would consult with Nepeta as well, she helped make the map we had of the compound." Equius adds with a sigh. "And when you've done that, I would appreciate it if you would send her to see me."

"Yeah, I'll do that." you nod firmly and walk out of the room. You don't want to stick around much, especially since Rue has a look on her face that tells you she doesn't want you anywhere near Doctor Scratch. Well too bad for her. You don't care if they used to work together, if she really wanted your group to pay her any mind, she'd elaborate on that more. It's times like this that you can see all too clearly where Rose gets her personality.

Several hours later you feel like you're ready to go. You're heading for the front door when the sound of voices catches your attention. Equius and Nepeta seem to be talking about something serious. Considering Equius' attitude earlier, you decide to eavesdrop.

"I can't just leave you Equius!"

"It is no trouble, Nepeta. I will be safe here. Besides, I know how much he means to you."

"You mean more to me!"

"And you mean more to me that anyone else as well. Which is why I can't in good conscience hold you back in such a way. My health is well looked after, and Strider is looking after Aradia's situation. There is no reason for you to be held back in this way while your matesprit is out there alone."

"He's not my Matesprit! And you need a moirail, especially after what happened yesterday!"

"I will feel better once Aradia is well. Until then, I regret to say I will be uneasy despite your best efforts. You however, will be upset regardless."

"Nooo, I'm fine! I won't be upset! I have to look after you."

"Nepeta. You have watched over me ceaselessly since we fled from the humans. I know that I am hardly in an able state to demand this, but I implore you, allow me to see to your needs as well."

The rest of the conversation dissolves into sobbing whispers and calm comforting, and you finally hear the window being opened and somebody sneaking out. It would seem that Nepeta has left the Lalonde household.

You walk into view and see Equius staring forlornly out the window after his moirail. "You're planning on going with me, then?" you ask casually.

Equius doesn't so much as flinch at your appearance, making you wonder if he knew you were there the whole time. He turns back to face you with a sigh. "I have unfinished business with Doctor Scratch. He still holds some of our comrades. I cannot allow a human to go alone while I still have a duty to fulfill there."

"And you don't want Nepeta to be put in danger again."

"She is more than capable of moving unseen. I sent her to find a fellow troll she has feelings for. It was the only way I could possibly convince her to leave me and go alone." His face sours at this, and it reminds you of how you feel when you see Roxy has been drinking again.

"You don't like the guy, huh?"

Equius groans. "His name is Karkat, and he is the one who led us on this darned voyage. He is a mutant blooded rapscallion, and the thought of Nepeta associating with him is… excruciating. He is a foul mouthed cretin, and Nepeta deserves better."

"Are you saying this because he's a bad person, or because he doesn't fit on your hemospectrum?"

"I… I don't know anymore." Equius sighs. "My opinions of the hemospectrum have been inexcusably weak lately. But that does not matter. What's done is done. We will leave now, Nepeta has had time to distance herself."

"What if she's still watching?"

Equius smiles at this. "She would not deceive me like that. She has always been straightforward in her feelings. It's something I've always found admirable about her." He walks towards you, and you see none of the staggering that was present earlier. "Now, let us make haste."

You're still unsure about whether to let him go on such a mission, but AR seems to be listening in again, and he sends a message to you before you can say as much.

AR: You know he'll go whether you say so or not. Better you travel together, that way you aren't both getting yourselves killed. Though you still have a 99% chance of failure.

"Is that right?"

AR: Fuck no, Strider success rate never goes below 4%.

"Four percent is all a strider needs."

AR: Yes.

"Hell yes."

AR: Hell

"Fucking"

AR: Yes.

You smirk and turn to Equius. "Alright dude, let's get your girlfriend's corpse."

* * *

Notes:

Typing quirks suck ass. That's all there is to say about it.

Not much else to say here, except that shit hits the whirling device soon. Prepare yourselves.


	16. A Good Host

Your name is Vriska Serket, and you are officially sick of all things human. For over two months now you've done nothing but sit around the Strider apartment watching Disney movies and playing computer games. You have gotten very bored with Disney movies and computer games. And now that Dirk is gone across the country, even the people here are pretty boring.

Dave used to be pretty entertaining, but now he spends most of his time making shitty comics and going to school, when he's not making out with your ex-moirail. Which brings you to the next issue that's been plaguing your mind: Terezi.

You and Terezi were doing great before you came to the Strider household. You were always being awesome, she always helped you keep in line, and together the two of you were badass babes on the run. The scourge sisters were a match made in pale heaven!

And then you met Dave and his family of ninja freaks, with their creepy gross puppets, and their weapons hidden in every storage space in the house, and everything fell apart for you. Terezi became completely enamored with her damn coolkid, and now that you weren't relying on each other to survive, your moirallegiance fell apart immediately.

If Karkat or Nepeta were around they'd probably tell you that your romance was doomed from the start. Well just because they spend all their time fantasizing about make-outs and shitty romances doesn't mean they're experts! But it is pretty clear that things aren't so great right now.

Lately Terezi has been spending her time on the Internet looking up human law and justice systems. You've been looking up anything else that seems interesting. Mostly Spiderman. Spiderman is pretty great. You also looked up human pirates for a while, but gamblignants like your ancestor are so cool that pirates look like complete jokes.

Superheroes are cool though. And they've made you realize that you and your fellow trolls are powerful enough that you could all probably be superheroes here, even Tavros. Wouldn't that be a great story? Too bad if you show your face Doctor Scratch would pounce on you immediately.

You start browsing through various forums about superheroes, when you see one about Spiderman that interests you. And it's talking about Daredevil too, which is a weird superhero that reminds you a lot of Terezi. You're about to start poking around when you notice something odd. The person running the forum is named White-Pawn. Isn't that related to that chess thing you remember Doctor Scratch liking? Spiderman, Daredevil, and Chess… it seems almost too much to be a coincidence, though you're probably just overreacting.

On the other hand though…

You grab the tall hat you were using to hide your horns before you met Dave and sneak towards the front door. Luckily for you Terezi and Bro Strider (whose real name remains a mystery) are both preoccupied with training on the roof at the moment, another pastime Terezi has taken up recently. This means it should be easy to get out before-GAAAAAAAAH!

Lil-Cal suddenly appears in front of you, arms wrapped around a couple of hanging smuppets and taking up the whole hallway like the disturbing freak of nature he is. You don't know how it gets around like this, but you can't let it bother you. You'll give Terezi another two minutes max before she gets schooled again. As long as you don't see the puppet move again you should be fine.

You get out easily. Luck is on your side today, clearly, because you didn't see the puppet jumping around once on your trip to the front door. You head down the street to a shitty little burger place with free Wi-Fi, and use your powers to make everyone inside fall asleep. You still can't make them do a single thing other than that, but you're definitely getting way better at putting them to sleep. At least eight times as good as when you first tried.

You push the door closed and bar it with furniture, before shoving some loser out of his seat and using his computer. It takes you a few minutes to find the forum again, but once you do you decide to confirm your fears. And a girl like you has only one way to do that: blatantly.

You hear a knock on the door and decide to make this quick, before a passerby looks in and calls the authorities. There are at least four people in clear view of the front window, after all. You sink lower in the booth you've settled in and hope nobody will notice.

arachnidsGrip: hellooooooo everyone, gr8 to be here!

White-Pawn: My goodness, you're not even trying to be discrete, are you.

arachnidsGrip: neither are you, Scratch.

White-Pawn: Guilty as charged. I had a feeling this would lure you in. It would seem that you are the one caught in the web this time.

Bl1ndJust1ce: wait, what's going on? weren't we talking bout DareDevil right now?

White-Pawn has banned all humans from the forum!

White-Pawn: There, much better, don't you think?

arachnidsGrip: I knew it was you the moment I saw your username. Not much of a web if I can see it coming from a miiiiiiiile away.

White-Pawn: Perhaps.

White-Pawn: And yet, here you are trapped all the same.

White-Pawn: honestly, I knew this would work as soon as I noticed the URL had the number 8 in it.

arachnidsGrip: Awwwwwwww, using my obsession against me, how cute.

arachnidsGrip: NOT!

arachnidsGrip: really though, pretty pitiful b8.

arachnidsGrip: All you did was call the real spider to the web, I'm the one hunting here now!

White-Pawn: So you fancy yourself similar to a Dewdrop spider then. Fascinating.

arachnidsGrip: What?

White-Pawn: Honestly Vriska, how can you consider yourself a proper spider girl if you don't even know basic arachnology?

arachnidsGrip: Again: What are you talking about?

White-Pawn: It would seem that I am the spider expert here after all. How sad for you.

arachnidsGrip: Ok8y, you just piss8d me 8FF!

arachnidsGrip: N8body cl8ims sp8d8r 8xp8rtise over meeeeeeee!

White-Pawn has changed his name to Spider8xpert!

Spider8xpert: haa haa hee hee hoo hoo

arachnidsGrip: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

arachnidsGrip: Th8ts it!

arachnidsGrip: N8b8dy us8s my typin8 quirk 8g8inst me!

arachnidsGrip: This 8nds N8W!

Spider8xpert: I agree. You trolls have kept me waiting long enough.

Spider8xpert: You in particular.

Spider8xpert: I mean really, how long have my men been knocking?

Spider8xpert: A good host would have answered the door ages ago.

Your blood runs cold. You turn and peer out of the booth towards the front door. Sure enough, there are several men in suits standing in the windows. One of them, a short fellow wearing a ridiculous hat, waves cheerfully to you at points at the door, as though expecting you to unlock it. The rest appear to be underlings, and are arguing about kicking the doors in.

arachnidsGrip: You son of a bitch.

arachnidsGrip: How did you get here so fast?

Spider8xpert: Elementary.

Spider8xpert: We were already here.

Spider8xpert: Do not underestimate the scope of my resources, Vriska.

Spider8xpert: I know where all of the trolls are.

Spider8xpert: The only reason we've left you alone until now is because of a rather interesting trend I have noticed.

Spider8xpert: The humans you have all taken up residency with are all of interest to me.

Spider8xpert: Really it was very lucky, almost suspiciously so!

arachnidsGrip: You found all ten of us? I call bullshit!

Spider8xpert: It would seem I am the authority on trolls now as well.

Spider8xpert: I've found all twelve of you.

arachnidsGrip: ?

Spider8xpert: I will leave you with that information. Do with it, as you will.

Spider8xpert: If you survive the explosives, that is. My young associate outside is quite the artist with demolitions. Aside from his generally pleasant demeanor it is the primary reason I hired him.

arachnidsGrip: good luck killing me with that!

arachnidsGrip: Maybe you've forgotten, but I have allllllll the luck!

Spider8xpert: You certainly have had a good streak of fortune, yes. But luck wouldn't be what it is if it didn't run out.

Spider8xpert: Either way, I'll see you soon.

Spider8xpert has deleted the forum!

You sit back in your seat, mind racing. You can honestly say you weren't expecting things to take a turn like this. Once again, Doctor Scratch has revealed his hand to you, and it's as stacked as before.

You glance out towards the front and see that the door has in fact been rigged with explosives. A lot of them, too. Thinking fast, you flip some tables into the middle, and dive behind the counter. You finish by using your robotic arm to rip the large sink the place uses for washing dishes out of the wall and hide beneath it. It smells awful, but you'd rather be dirty than dead.

The first explosion shakes the building, and you have little doubt it caused damage to everything before the counter at least. Then you hear something bounce loudly off of the sink you're hiding beneath. The next explosion fills the kitchen area, and a heat wave burns you through the hole where the drain was in your shelter. You scream, despite your best efforts, and you hear footsteps at the entrance to the burger shop.

"Oh, why did she have to hide at this place? I've been coming here for lunch every day for the past week! And she wouldn't answer the door either! Oh no, is that Stacy behind the counter? I quite liked her, she gave me extra fries!"

"I gotta say boss, this doesn't sit right with me. I get that we need to round up these freaks, but killing civvies is not right."

"It is very sad, isn't it?" The first voice chimes in again, not sounding very upset at all. "I didn't want to kill everyone, but what the boss says, goes. If she'd just opened the door we wouldn't need to use force!"

"Boss, I get that the Doc wanted us to break in, but why did we need to blow up everything inside, too? Hell, why use explosives at all? I could have just smashed a window and walked in!"

"If there is one thing besides fashionable headwear that I am valued for here, it is my skills with bombs! If Mister Scratch tells me to break anything, then that means he wants it done thoroughly! And bombs are very efficient at breaking things!"

You stifle your breath as the footsteps draw nearer. "Hellooo? Miss Troll? I know you're still alive here, I heard you screaming!" Something about that singsong voice the leader keeps using is terrifying to you. "It's alright, just come out and I'll put you out of your misery, you'll only scream a little more, and then it will stop hurting!"

"Jesus Christ" one of the man's underlings mutters under his breath. You realize his voice is coming from right next to you. You make your move.

The sink flies into the air as you heave it with your robotic arm. The short man from before squeaks in astonishment as it narrowly misses his foot, and you grab the nearest suit by the throat with your arm and hold him in front of you as a shield. "Alright, nobody move or I crush his windpipe!" You announce loudly as the man flails and shrieks in panic. "You're all going to put your weapons down and let me walk out of here!"

"Oh dear! Miss Troll, we can't let you leave!" The leader looks up at you in astonishment and moves closer. He seems unfazed that you have a hostage. Not a good sign. "I was instructed to bring you to Doctor Scratch, dead or alive! It would not be proper if I were to let you leave so easily!"

"I said I'll kill him, so back off, pintsize!" You snarl, and squeeze the man's throat a little tighter, causing him to splutter.

"Please, troll, lady, ma'am, don't kill me, I've got a family!" The guy wails and pleads, and you have to will yourself to ignore him. He's just like every other sad sack you've lead to their death in your life. Only difference is you're the one doing the killing this time, not spidermom.

"Back off, you sons of bitches!" You spit as you start to move for the back door. The little man sighs sadly.

"George, I'm afraid I have no choice. We can't let the troll escape. I will send your family a gift basket every day for a year."

"Boss, please, no, don't do it, Mr. Deuce, I'm begging you here, don't, please-"

His voice dissolves into screams as his boss pulls out an automatic rifle and peppers you both with bullets. You throw the man forward in a panic and run for it, punching the back door as you pass through it. The doorway collapses behind you, and you run away in the dust, not stopping until you collapse from exhaustion.

When you reawaken, you realize that you've moved from the Houston inner city to the slums, and that when you collapsed it was into a pile of trash. You're feeling very repulsed by that; who would sleep in trash? Losers, that's who!

Though you're pretty sure you lost that round pretty thoroughly. You wince as you move to stand up and find that you've taken at least three shots to your abdomen. Also five to your right arm and shoulder. An even eight bullets that all hit you. You hate that that makes you feel better about being shot.

You grit your teeth and start digging the bullets out of your arm, wanting both hands working when you start poking around your gut. Your front is a mess of cerulean and red, but you can tell that most of the bullets passed through your body. The three in your gut are still there though, and it feels like one lodged itself in your shoulder joint.

You keep your face straight as you dig the bullets out of you, but inside, you're trying your best not to panic. Scratch has knowledge on all of you, human and troll, and no qualms killing civilians to get at you. If he wanted to he could simply collapse the Strider apartment before anybody had time to react. And you don't know how to stop them. They are focused and organized, with more than enough equipment to kill all of you many times over.

But if they're so well organized… then chaos is the best way to defeat them.

You smile as the idea comes to you. As long as the trolls are in hiding, they will be easy to catch. That's part of why Doctor Scratch has been so lax in your capture. But as soon as you started moving so did he. He intends to counter your movements and use your discretion against you. Which means if you stop being discrete, and start acting openly, it will catch him off guard.

You need to become Scratch's number one priority. And that means stirring up more trouble than he can hope to keep on the down low. It will paint a big target on your back, and he'll have no choice but to devote his troops to stopping you. If you do well enough at this, it may even draw attention from the other trolls, wherever the hell they are.

It will be tough, and it may make the trolls suspect the worst of you. But that doesn't matter. You can keep them safe this way, and draw Scratch into the open. The cards he keeps up his sleeves, the ones that he uses to build his perfect deck, will be revealed, and then you can strike back.

It's time for Marquise Spinneret Mindfang to become a household name.

* * *

Your name is Terezi Pyrope, and you are worried sick. You haven't seen Vriska in several hours, and from what you've seen the city is dissolving into chaos as explosions and bombings are occurring all over the place. Bro Strider went out when the chaos first started and dragged Dave home like a wriggler, and now he's sulking in his room while Bro scans the Internet to find out what's going on, and you watch the news.

Well, that's what you think is happening before Dave bursts into the room. His face is stoic, but he's dripping with sweat and you can see his fists clenched tightly enough to draw cherry flavored blood. He grabs the remote, fumbles it for a moment, stops to stare at his hands in surprise, and then changes the channel to a different station. "Friend of mine just mentioned this." He says quietly.

It's Vriska.

Vriska is standing in the middle of an intersection, on top of a burning car, laughing like a maniac. A reporter is yelling something about terrorists, and Vriska throws her fluorite octet to the side with a flourish. It summons a giant spider similar to her lusus, which starts screeching and rushes the camera. Everything cuts to static for a moment before the news station takes over the feed again. It smells so sharply to you, even though you're sure the feed was probably blurry.

"I can't believe she's using that hat for evil again." Dave cries out. "That hat is ironic and pure, it doesn't deserve that kind of bad press! Ow, shit bro, I'm just saying!" The elder Strider has moved over to check the report and is now staring down at you behind his shades. The gaze between you is far too intense for two people who aren't actually making eye contact.

"Do you want to deal with her, or should I?" He says quietly. "Can you even deal with her?"

You thought she was better now. She'd seemed so much happier since she left her psychotic lusus behind and followed you all into space. You thought she was done with the killing, and generally being horrible. It brings you back to some of the pranks she'd played on Tavros and Aradia, back when you role-played together. Those pranks were the reason you didn't talk to Vriska much before your trip.

You've always known Vriska was dangerous. But you had hoped that she'd be better now. You thought she was better now. You were wrong.

"I can deal with her better than anyone." You say with a sigh. "One way or another, I'll put a stop to this."

* * *

Notes:

Nice short chapter for you guys, just to tide you over until things get really hectic.


	17. Completely Catawampus

Your name is Doctor Scratch, and you have made another miscalculation. The last time this happened cost millions in government funding. This time however, you stand to gain plenty. You didn't underestimate the trolls' skill and power this time, only their stupidity.

Vriska Serket has begun acting out in a clear challenge to your insults from yesterday. You certainly expected her to act out, but attempting to burn down the entire city of Houston Texas is rash and foolish on a level you never expected. You never thought for a moment things could go this well.

The world now knows that aliens are amongst us. They only know of two at present, Vriska, and Terezi, as the two are currently locked in combat, with the assistance of two Striders, interestingly enough. Two is more than enough though. The damage they've done is on a breathtaking level. And with your men there to keep things escalating, the city of Houston has dissolved into a warzone.

And with so many people now terrified of the extra-terrestrial, your team is receiving funds to spare. All this money is yours to do with as you please, and you won't even need it to begin wrapping things up.

You began to make your move the moment Caleb Deuce reported to you that Vriska escaped his grasp. The one troll currently in your possession, Tavros, is being moved to a separate facility on the other side of the country, so that he cannot be found. This removes any chance of Makara saving the brown-blooded cripple.

Meanwhile, you have your men fanning out in pursuit of the other trolls. New York State is covered in a veil at the moment, so none of the trolls there can be found, which is disconcerting, but you know where the trolls in California and Washington are, and you have your men tracking them now.

The only thing standing in your way at this point is the humans. You can't help but worry about them, with the knowledge they have of you, they've been on high alert since they met the trolls. The Egberts, the Lalondes, The Striders, and the Harleys.

Those four families are all that stand between you and the keys to a whole new race.

But they also hold a great deal of potential for you.

You know that the four families are close to each other, but not all are equal in protection. The Striders are hidden in plain sight, masked within the urban sprawl, but your taunting of Vriska has drawn two of them out. The third one is likely elsewhere. The Harleys are vulnerable as long as they're not on their island, though catching them will still be difficult. The Lalondes are untraceable. The Egberts are sitting in the open though.

Catching the Egberts will require only something to draw them out. And you have the perfect bait in mind. One lone troll was seen recently, one that left the cloaking protection of Rue Lalonde's influence. You suspect it to be Kanaya Maryam, as the other two trolls in the area that aren't ghosts are near inseparable. And while Kanaya has proven lethal and hardier than the other trolls, you have something deadlier.

There was a time when you had access to an impressive group experimenting with genetics to make some rather interesting results. The majority of these experiments are lost to you, but two remain. One, Spades, is a deadly, fast, armored human, who was your best underling even before he was augmented, though somewhat unruly. Nowadays he looks after the base on the coast where Nitram is being transported.

The other minion of yours is Jack. The younger brother of Spades fused with the same DNA that created the mutant dog that now belongs to the Harleys. Jack is unstable, but capable. He is the perfect creature to collect Kanaya Maryam as bait. You expect it shall only be a matter of time before the Egberts are in your hands. And once Jack is done with Kanaya he'll be able to round up the Striders as well.

This was Vriska's fatal mistake. She thought that by causing a distraction in Houston, you would be forced to divert resources to stop her. But you know that the other trolls are not as rash as her. She is being kept busy by Terezi, the Striders, and the few men you've placed down there, despite her absurdly dangerous dice.

And while she knows you can see her, she has no way of knowing whether her plan is working. You've sent more troops down to make her think she is distracting you, and allow her to feel justified in her actions. But she doesn't remotely know the extent of your resources. All she's done is increase fear towards her kind, limiting the trolls' movements further, ensuring they have nowhere to run, and making them easier to trap. Checkmate.

* * *

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and you are not entirely sure where you are right now. You've been travelling as fast as you can, riding Dirk's flying skateboard to trail him and Equius across the country, but with them travelling on foot and being as sneaky as possible, you don't have much of a trail to go on. Seriously, you thought being sneaky was your thing!

You have a general idea of where the two are heading, thanks to the map you stole from Kanaya, but you decided to leave it at home so you wouldn't lose the thing. You have no idea why you did that in retrospect. You were probably drunk. Well, it's you so drunkenness is more or less a certainty. Not that you're drunk right now. Drinking and flying is a big no-no, even for Roxy Lalonde!

The thing that's worrying you the most right now is that you're pretty sure you're almost at the place where the base is supposed to be, and yet you still haven't seen a single trace of Dirk or Equius. I mean really, how have you not even found a trace of Equius? He breaks everything he touches and leaves sweat marks wherever he sits down. There should be a trail of destruction from the base to your house and back!

Not that you don't think Equius is great. He's a big old softie underneath all that awkwardness and anger, and you do recognize that. But you're so irritated right now that you're feeling just a bit upset about the whole thing. Also you're going through withdrawal, because Dirk didn't install a cooler on the hoverboard. His priorities are horrible, in that they're exactly where they need to be. It does feel like the hoverboard is judging you in a way when you think too much about it though.

You're just debating whether you should land for an hour or so and rest your legs when a shadow appears on the hoverboard behind you. "Oh thank Jegus, I was starting to think I'd never find you." you breathe a sigh of relief. The only person who could possibly get on the hoverboard while you're driving it without you noticing is Dirk.

"Roxy, what the hell are you doing here?" Dirk hisses as he shifts his feet to effortlessly land the hoverboard. The two of you dismount in a clearing, where Equius is sitting on a rock, sweating and muttering about towels.

"I am here to assist you in your break-in attempt!" You announce with a grin. "I realized what you guys were up to, and realized that your team was in serious need of my sexy skills!" You wave at Equius as he makes a choking noise.

"Roxy, you are not following us into a government facility." Dirk says with a sigh, rubbing his temples in frustration. You start making the poutiest face you can muster as he continues. "This is going to be dangerous, and will require a good deal of quiet.

"Excuse me for interrupting, humans, but if it is danger that worries you, I believe miss Lalonde is more than capable of coping." Equius speaks matter-of-factly as he walks between you. "As for stealth, I have seen Roxy turn invisible with ease. She could be an asset." Aww yes, Equius is awesome when he's not trying to kill you!

"You weren't exactly looking all too stealthy on my hoverboard." Dirk says bitterly. "I should just program that thing to stop other riders."

"You and I both know I'd just hack into it." You smirk triumphantly. "Besides, your hoverboard doesn't have a computer."

"I know." Dirk stares flatly at you. "I was being ironic."

"Anyways, I can turn invisible and walk through walls. I'm the most useful one here if we're going to be stealthy!" You conclude with a nod.

"I've been wondering how you were getting into the alcohol." Dirk glares at you, and you realize you just completely blew it. Dirk does not like you drinking, so letting slip how you're getting your drink on is not wise. Also, the look of anger and disappointment he gives you when you drink cuts even deeper than the looks your little sister can give.

"Roxy's vile habit of polluting her body with soporifics, loathsome though it may be, is a matter best left for another time. It would be more expedient if we were to move in on the base for the time being." Equius states firmly as he looks to the south. "I expect that we are no more than a few miles away. Let us put our inadequacies aside, at least for tonight."

Aww Equius, you used to be cool. Like two minutes ago you were cool, and now you're all bluh. Though he did get Dirk to stop glaring at you, so you guess you can let this slide. Slide in this case meaning you give him a look that says pretty clearly "don't you go talking to me about inadequacies, buddy." Equius responds by looking away and muttering about towels. Who is the best at making people not want to deal with your issues? You are!

You'd say that sounded better in your head, but that line was definitely not even said aloud. You have such a headache. Sobriety is overrated.

Actually, you've been thinking sobriety isn't a terrible idea, but withdrawal symptoms are definitely not what you need to be dealing with right now.

Dirk has already moved ahead while you were lost in thought. Equius is looking back at you, but he's at the edge of the clearing as well. "Miss Lalonde, we must stay low and make haste moving forward. Will you be able to keep up with our speed, or do you require me to carry you?"

You try not to make a face, you really do, but while you don't really hold any ill feelings towards Equius, the thought of touching his sweaty anything is very gross to you. "Sorry big guy, but I'm gonna pass on that. If I fall behind, I fall behind, but I'll be damn sure to go the right way." Equius frowns, though without seeing his eyes you can't tell if he's annoyed or offended. Probably both. Either way though, he nods curtly and rushes into the underbrush, and holy shit, how does somebody that big move so silently?

You grab a bottle of aspirin you've been keeping in your back pocket and swallow a couple dry, then run after them as fast as you can. It doesn't take much time before they're far ahead of you. And not much time after that before they're out of sight.

* * *

Your name is Jake English, and life has been pretty darn spiffy for you as of late. You and your family have been having a ripsnorter of a time sailing along the coast of the old Americas, and have spent the last bit of your time moving with some new comrades: three trolls, who have been quite happy for the shelter and have been eagerly accompanying you on your adventure.

The gentlemen are maintaining a bit of the old banter about it, but you're quite sure they are simply putting on a fanciful charade to maintain their pride. Much like the Striders, with their dadblasted ironic veils that they always hunker behind. The young madam on the other hand, is bally well chipper about the whole venture, and has struck up a camaraderie with your younger sister.

It's just as well that everyone is so aces with the situation, because your dear old Grandpop Harley is not all too keen on letting your new friends vamoose. Ever since your sister decided to unleash the full weight of her lasspluck on him regarding the use of his precious blunderbuss on the trolls he has insisted that he keeps them under his scrutiny.

At the moment your grandpa is doing just that, steering the ship across open waters, while Jade and Feferi chat below deck, and Eridan and Sollux sit on deck. The two are currently recovering from another fit of seasickness, which is quite the humdinger of a laugh in your opinion, particularly because Eridan is supposedly a denizen of the briny deep himself! The two of them are pretty much completely catawampus at the moment.

Your Grandpop doesn't particularly seem to give a hoot that the two are discombobulated at the moment though, as he's watching them like a hawk. You've been pondering whether the distrust may be the result of their perusing of the computers at the base, as that's what set the man on the train of thought that the trolls were knowledge pilfering rapscallions. It's certainly true that Mister Captor has been trying to jimmy information from him since then, though neither is willing to talk to you about it. Really, the two of them are both being very inscrutable about the whole thing.

Several hours later, you're stopping for fuel, and your grandpa has gone into town to fetch supplies. It's been several days since you last went on land, and you feel rather sympathetic towards your wards, whom are currently left with no choice but to hide below deck until you can be off again. Jade is doing her best to keep them all collected and happy in the meantime, though you know some dry land would be good for them.

You're debating requesting a rest stop for them at an island or something, so that they can get themselves collected, but you do hate to delay when the call of adventure is tantalizing you. Plus, it won't be too long now before you've reached Washington, where your good chums John and Jane are living, and you know Jade has been downright giddy to visit them. Well, it will likely be a few weeks, but when you've been sailing from the middle of the Pacific Ocean that hardly seems like much!

A flash of movement catches your eye from across the way, and you see a chap dressed in black strolling briskly along the pier. He is leaving a boat (also black) with at least four other men dressed similarly, and the lot of them are a pitch-black shadow on the water. Something about it looks rather familiar to you, but you can't quite place it.

A large hand claps you on the shoulder, and your hand immediately moves to the pistols you keep concealed at your hips before you realize it's your grandfather. Of course being the savvy gent that he is, you find yourself locked in a chokehold before you can unholster your trusty arms. Honestly, your grandfather is so friggin on the ball you swear it's impossible to get the drop on him. Given how trigger-happy your family is that's probably for the best though!

"We seem to be in quite a pinch, my boy." Grandpa Harley says in a low tone. "I have noticed a selection of curmudgeonly cads that appears to have been tailing our fine vessel all the way from Ventura to here. Also, I have found something rather troubling in the paper as well." He hands you an article and moves to unmoor the ship, muttering a warning in a low tone as Jade moves up to the deck and smiles at you. "Keep your wits about you, lad. Mustn't worry Jade."

You peruse the article your grandpa gave you briefly, and feel your blood run cold. It would seem that these trolls have been pulling the wool over your eyes as to the nature of their kind. The article you're reading is about a troll that has turned a large city into a warzone. You see Jade peering over at you curiously and hastily toss the paper into the bay.

"What was that, Jake?" Jade asks suspiciously as you climb aboard the vessel.

You chuckle nervously and try to wave her off. "Nothing at all, just a bit of the old political banter and whatnot."

Jade's look of suspicion shifts to irritation, and you have to inwardly curse your inability to tell a decent fib. "Jake, you may have changed your last name to sound more like some kind of silly secret agent, but that doesn't mean I can't see right through you. Fess up."

Sometimes you really miss the good old days when Jade was young, carefree, and trusting. The Striders really have been a pretty bad influence on her in a lot of ways. Though you can't really fault her for her sharpness. You've picked up a few things from your wilier Internet companions as well though. For instance, Rose taught you that where a lie doesn't work, half-truths often will.

"Well dag nab it Jade, I suppose you've caught me red-handed." You tug at your collar and chuckle sheepishly. "The article wasn't the issue, but there is something bothering me."

You feel the boat shift underneath you, and feel yourself relaxing a bit. That's one humdinger of a pickle you can stop worrying about for now. You look back and see the man from before at the entrance to the pier. He's waving with a casual smirk, which is far more worrying than it probably should be. It doesn't distract you from what Jade is saying though.

"Let me guess, you're worrying about Dirk again." You whirl around to face her and see her smirking slyly at you. "He's always getting flustered about something."

Nope. You are not touching that one with a ten-foot pole, especially not with the myriad of more important issues to deal with. "Jesus Christopher Kringlefucker Jade, I am absolutely not talking about that sort of thing with my little sister!"

Jade sighs and rolls her eyes. "Fine, stew in your romantic mess for all I care. But one of these days you're going to have to wake up and realize I'm not a little kid anymore." She disappears below deck, leaving you alone with your worries.

You're glad she wrote everything off as relationship issues. As devilfucking awkward as that little dialogue was, you think it was probably better than your original plan to tell her about your suited pursuers. You see your grandpa nodding at you in approval and know he's in agreement.

You can't help but worry about the article though. Not only because it means that the refugees you are sheltering below deck may be secretly hostile, but also because Jade's reminded you of something very troubling. The city of Houston, where the troll has caused all of this destruction, is where the Strider family takes up residence. The next time you hear from Dave or Dirk may be the last. Assuming you haven't heard the last of them already.

You stare out over the expanse of ocean to your right and find yourself wishing you were back on your island, roaming the forests and hunting the wild beasts that are about. Life was simple then, a mess of silliness and adventure. Or so you thought. The sudden developments have you questioning whether you really understood what adventuring meant. Or whether the adventure you're heading into is something you've ever wanted at all.

Notes:

Jade will be elaborated on soon enough, as I realize the way she's acted to now in the story could be seen as out of character. It's mostly about growth, and how ridiculous her family and childhood are. As for Jake, well he's as straightforward and dopey as ever really. If anything, having Grandpa Harley around only makes him more of a complete and total Jake. There's really no better word for it, is there?


	18. Allowed to Die

Your name is Equius Zahhak, and you are finally prepared to die. You've been living for far longer than you have any right to, and this is the night you set your affairs in order. You are currently standing at the hill overlooking Doctor Scratch's base; that same hill where Aradia's ghost first contacted you. This was where you strayed from the path intended for one of your standing.

This base signifies all of your failings as a troll. This is where you failed to protect Gamzee. This is where you abandoned Feferi in order to pursue your misguided affections for Aradia. This is where your doomed mission to bring a troll back to life began.

This is where you will give everything you have to set things right.

You have three roles to fulfill here: rescue your fellow trolls, obtain the genetic material needed to finally save Aradia, and prevent Scratch from endangering your kind any further by any means necessary. If that means your death you will not be particularly upset, it will mean another wrong righted that should have been dealt with long ago.

At your side is the human Dirk Strider, who seems to be impatient to get under way. You consider this understandable, as his close friend Roxy Lalonde is no doubt close behind you. The relationship between the two is as close to a moirallegiance as you've seen from humans.

"We need to make this fast." Dirk's saying, and you note the flash of red across his glasses, indication that his computer program is communicating with him. "Hal can't get anything on this damn place, so we'll just have to find the most important person we can and grill them for info. Let's move before she catches up."

You nod firmly, dropping to a crouch as Dirk flashsteps away. A quick glance tells you that he's moved to the base of the nearest guard tower. You wait another moment for him to deal with the guards, and strongjump into the base.

There's only one way for you and Dirk to succeed in your plan. You've discussed it at length as you travelled. The only way to stay ahead of the FELT is to allow Dirk space to move in silence, and the best way to do this is by making as much noise as possible. You glance around your space casually and see two soldiers on patrol by the nearest building. You're upon them before they realize it, and after dealing a backhand that obliterates the first human, you throw the other at a guard tower. Plenty of screaming from the second human assures that your presence will be known.

The entire base is lit up before long, and you note with some satisfaction that the searchlights are all focused on you. Dirk can avoid such lights easily, and with Roxy's powers of invisibility she should be safe as well. The only one in any danger this way is you.

There's a sudden blast of gunfire, and you feel the sharp sting of bullets grazing your body. One in particular rakes your leg and nearly causes you to stumble, forcing you to throw yourself into another leap to avoid being felled early. Your momentum carries you through the wall of the nearest bunker, and you realize it's a munitions depot similar to the one that held the weapons your group lost the first time you were here.

You hear the sound of voices growing louder as the soldiers begin to catch up to you, and pull yourself to your feet. A sharp stab of pain lances through your chest, and you have to prop yourself on a crate for stability until it passes. The damage from your fight with Mrs. Lalonde is still healing, despite your insistence otherwise. Running is not strenuous to you, but the strongjumps are taking their toll.

You look around the room you're in irritably, realizing that if you plan to stay ahead of the human weapons, you'll need more than your bare hands. It would be refreshing as a turn of events, if the situation weren't so crucial.

The answer comes swiftly though, in the form of a rattle from the crate you're propped on. As the humans burst through the main door and into the room, you hurl a tank shell at them. The explosion sends those not killed running in fear, leaving you with a clear chance to get away.

You punch your way through the wall behind you and escape while the humans prepare to enter the warehouse. You continue to ignore the pain that gnaws at your insides as you run. You can't afford to fall until your job here is complete.

When the highblood is safe, you'll be allowed to die.

* * *

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you are moving as fast as you can manage. Equius is taking a big risk by acting as decoy for you, and you know it's only a matter of time until Roxy catches up with you and does something irrational. You love the girl dearly, but you've always thought something was just wrong with her priorities sometimes. The world could be ending and she'd be too busy trying to save everyone to get to safety.

Besides, she's too nice of a person for the work you're doing here. You just decapitated a soldier who was trying to shoot you. She doesn't have it in her to kill, and you doubt she'd appreciate seeing you kill anyone either. You don't care for it much yourself, but when things come down to life or death, you're not one to dwell on the morality of a situation. Take unnecessary feeling, and bury it away where it can't hold you back. That's what Bro's always taught you.

You look around the complex from the guard tower you've claimed and see that the base is far larger than you thought it would be, especially given the relatively large amount of secrecy surrounding it. This is some high-level government intelligence shit right here, and you're about to infiltrate it singlehanded. Meanwhile Equius is going to take on the brunt of their firepower on his own as well, and he's not as good at hiding injury as he might hope.

The bunkers around the outside appear to be primarily for military use, and unless the base is secretly being run by Professor X, you think it's safe to say there aren't any secret doors under the training grounds. In other words, there are two buildings to choose from. One matches Equius' description of the area the trolls were held in before, but you doubt that area would be used as a prison after it already failed at that role so spectacularly. This leaves the larger main complex.

As expected, the facility is lax on security, likely due to Equius rampaging outside. You decide to be less cautious than normal on that note, as the amount of gunfire and explosions is pretty fucking unnerving, even to you. It's always been that way to you, really. You need to get fucked up for a plan to work? Fine. But when your friends are in danger, your mind goes to shit.

AR: Okay, so I'm running facial recognition on everybody I see here. If I can't find any info on somebody, they're probably top of the ladder.

TT: Sounds like a plan, I'll head for the upper levels and sweep this place for the labs.

AR: Just so you know, if you die here, I'm totally taking your place.

TT: You don't have a body.

AR: Bodies are useless anyways. My mind is the same as yours, so rest assured nobody will know the difference.

TT: Fuck you.

AR: That's the spirit!

You smirk in spite of yourself. If Hal's still being a smartass piece of shit then things can't be all that bad. Not yet anyways.

It takes far longer than you'd hoped to find the lab, but once you're there, you manage to round up the DNA samples by threatening to break everyone's arms. You stow them all safely in a case for holding lab samples that Mrs. Lalonde gave you. Mission one accomplished. Now all you have to do is find the trolls that are being boxed up here and make a break for it.

Hal hasn't messaged you since you last spoke to him, so you decide to find a bigwig on your own. In the end you decide to start from the top floor and work down. Your path takes you to the roof of the building. The whole complex is built like a labyrinth, and the hallways all seem to be open to the sky for some strange reason. It's considerably easier to navigate from above though, since you can just jump over the openings in the roof and see which doors look important.

A large explosion rings out to your right, and you see Equius throwing a tank across the courtyard. The machine hits the roof next to you and punches straight into the floor below. Clearly the guys who built this place were not prepared for falling tanks, which is pretty damn irresponsible of them in your opinion.

You glance down into the hole and see that it's not actually a room below your feet like you thought. It would seem that what you took to be a chain of office rooms was actually one long hallway, the only one you've seen around here that's actually covered up. This looks promising.

AR: This looks foreboding.

TT: Sounds right.

AR: Don't die here bro, I don't actually want to fill in for you while you're dead.

AR: I'm way more interesting than you, it would be a total downgrade.

TT: Can't deny that.

TT: We'll be fine though.

AR: We nothing. I don't live in your glasses anymore, I just talk through them, remember?

TT: I'll be fine.

AR: That's more like it.

You've reached the end of the hallway while talking with Hal, and now you find yourself standing at a pair of ornate wooden doors. You look up at the large knockers set in the middle of the door. Might as well.

"Come in, please." A voice calls through the door before you've so much as touched the knocker. A bit weird, but whatever, you clearly don't have the element of surprise, so you might as well acquiesce.

You walk into the ugliest room you've ever seen, like some little kid went a bit too crazy with the green crayons. The only thing in the room that isn't green or black is the man sitting at the desk in the middle of the room, who's paler than Rose (and lord knows that girl could use some sun), and completely bald.

He's reading over some files as you walk in. "You know, usually you wait for a guest to knock before you invite them in."

"Nonsense, I always know when guests are arriving. The knockers are for show. To scar the wood of those doors with brass would be unforgiveable."

The man looks up with a smile. "Now then, how may I help you, young mister Strider? Simply state your business and I shall help you the best that I can. That is the duty of a good host, after all. And feel free to clean the blood off of that sword while you're here, that can't be good for it." Well that's unexpected. If you weren't completely repressing your emotion right now you'd probably be feeling unnerved right now. Doctor Scratch is clearly as unflappably confident as you've heard, and what's more, he apparently knows who you are.

"How do you know the name Strider?" You draw your sword and polish the edge, keeping it casual. Doctor Scratch pushes forward a container of wet wipes, and you start cleaning the blood off with a nod.

"Well Dirk, as it happens I used to work with your caretaker, Brock Strider. His assistance was essential for my goals when I first established the FELT.

"Yeah, my bro isn't exactly the type to do the government any favors." You finish cleaning your sword and sheathe it, tossing the wipes into a garbage can helpfully placed next to you. "Honestly, I'd be surprised if he even paid most of his taxes."

"He doesn't, we'd have tracked him down years ago if he paid his bills properly." Scratch says unconcernedly. "He did work for us though. He was one of my head of security, as well as a blood donor."

"Blood donor?"

"For genetic testing." Scratch shrugs, and starts rifling through his desk. "We used his DNA to facilitate some of our more complex experiments. Orange soda?" He pulls a bottle from under his desk and sets it on the desk. "Normally I'd offer my guests a glass, but I feel that in your case a sealed bottle would make you more comfortable."

You shrug and take the bottle. Stay calm, show no signs that you're ready to cut this guy's head off at a moments notice, and remain emotionless. Scratch is clearly collected, but nobody beats your poker face. Plus, orange soda is the shit.

"Surprised a classy guy like you keeps orange soda in your fridge. You know I was coming? Or did you just run out of wine?"

"It is the duty of a good host to provide for any guests. I keep a myriad of refreshments for anybody who may visit. I do have wines as well, of course, but you're hardly old enough to partake. This is after all, America." He places a hand on his heart with a respectable level of irony.

"How do you know I'm not old enough to drink? I could be thirty-one for all you know. In fact, that's exactly how old I am." you throw a hand over your eyes in mock distress. "Now you've offended me! I am so very hurt and offended by your insinuation at my age! I think I'll go stand in front of the next tank my friend throws so that I can be put out of my misery."

"You are nineteen, the same age as your twin brother, naturally." Scratch smiles widely. "Two years below legal drinking age."

"What?"

"Ah yes, I did forget to mention that, didn't I?" Scratch stands and walks over to the fireplace (which you suddenly realize doesn't actually have a chimney, what the fuck?), pulls down a broom from a plaque above the mantle (again, what?), and starts sweeping in front of it. "You asked the wrong question before, you see. The important point was not 'How do you know the name Strider?' It was: 'how do you know I'm a Strider?" You are not liking the direction this is going.

"Your hair was the big tipoff, you see. You've had that ridiculous hair ever since you were a baby. Not to mention the shades, which reflect your brother's so well. Then there's your serious attitude, your build, your fighting skill… Honestly, you are like him in so many ways…"

Scratch turns to face you, a winning smile across his face. Not to say that he's winning you over with his grin, more like he can tell he's got you hooked, and is about to reel you in. "It's quite simple, really. You take to Brock's teaching much better than Dave does, because you are almost exactly like him. You are, save for some relatively minor adjustments we made along the way, his exact clone."

You suddenly understand nothing.

"There were eight of you in all, see. Eight children, all cloned from four guardians, four exact copies, four mixed between two parents, all with one purpose for their creation."

"Weapons." You spit out bitterly. You suddenly understand everything. The strange things your friends can do, from Roxy's invisibility, to the absurd things John and Jade can do, right down to your ability to shut down parts of your brain at will. Plus that other thing you don't like to think about.

"That's right, weapons. Government weapons to be used for whatever we deemed necessary. In the end, we planned to create an army of your kind, but were stopped when your guardians decided the moral implications were too great. They destroyed our data, took you all, and scattered across the country."

"And then we all adopted trolls, and decided to come to your home base."

"Very perceptive of you. Yes, we've tracked all of the trolls, and they are now all with you. Quite the small world we live in, isn't it?" Scratch smiles as he continues, pacing around his room at his leisure. "And once I've dealt with you all, it will be that much smaller."

You see him stop in front of the door, and draw your katana. "I will soon have the Egberts, the remaining Striders, and your trolls either dead or under my custody. All that remains is to tear the voided area under Rue Lalonde's veil apart and find where you've been hiding, and chase down the Harleys. Once I've taken care of you lot I'll have everything I need to pick up where I left off, and tie up any loose ends."

You whirl about and bring your blade on Scratch's head, but he effortlessly parries you with his broom handle. His grin at this point is looking positively wicked, and he throws a heavy punch at you that you barely manage to evade.

"You'll not find me so easy to kill, Dirk." Scratch says with a dark chuckle. "Though I'm glad you attacked me, honestly. Initiating an attack against a guest would be improper, but when a guest tries to kill me? I think I can strike you down guilt free at this point." His broom swings at you faster than you'd believe possible, but your training with bro and Dave allows you to keep up, if only barely.

You dart in to strike at his arms, but he spins the broom so fast it nearly disarms you. You dart back as he swings again, and the speed at which the broom grazes your face causes the bristles to gouge several small cuts across your cheek. What the fuck, you know for a fact that's a regular straw broom, and your katana may not be as good as Bro's, but it sure as shit isn't a piece of junk like Dave's.

"Yes, before we created you children, we also performed several other experiments." Scratch says with a shrug. "I have augmented myself a great deal through genetic tweaking, though as a grown adult, there was only so much we could do."

"So it's freak vs freak then." You say with a smirk. You're doing your best to come up with a plan, taking your panic and shoving it away where it can't affect you. His broom is still a piece of wood, no matter how well he wields it. All you need is one good hit to take the advantage here.

He won't go down though. Doctor scratch gives you no openings at all, taking your hits easily and striking back even easier. You thrust and he parries, you slash and he deflects, and his broom has yet to so much as splinter. This guy is ridiculous.

You glance back at the room, and see no windows to leave through. His fireplace seems to let smoke out without actually having a chimney, so you can't leave that way, and unlike Equius you can't break through reinforced walls. You have one choice left.

"Alright, it seems like I can't touch you with this sword." You jump back to the far wall and put your sword away. Scratch pauses, his stance immediately relaxing. The bastard hasn't even broken a sweat. You haven't either, mind you, but you can't say you appreciate him making beating you look so easy. "I guess I'll have to make this get ugly."

"Oh dear, try not to make a mess of the place." Scratch says calmly, "I go to great lengths to keep my office in order."

You glare at him through your shades, and raise your hands. This is not something you like doing, because it's probably the most painful thing you're capable of, and it lasts long enough that the whole process feels more like torture than anything. That's not cool with you. But it's also not something you think Scratch can block.

You use your powers. Not the lame emotion capping ones you've always used to keep yourself at the top of your game. You use the powers that let you rip souls out of people's bodies. You've used them once, before you mastered your emotions, and got particularly pissed off during a sparring session. Once Bro was done beating the crap out of you he explained them to you, and you decided to never use them again.

This is a desperate situation though.

Scratch takes the hit as poorly as you expected, collapsing to the ground the moment you send spirit lightning into his limbs. He thrashes on the ground, snarling and yelling, fighting against the urge to give in and scream. Then he raises an arm.

He's not supposed to be able to move at all, so that's not a good sign. He throws his arm in front of the lightning though, and it stops at his hand.

"Soul lightning is not like the real deal, apparently." Scratch pants as he pulls back his sleeve. "It doesn't travel through metal."

The son of a bitch has a bionic arm. Your soul works on flesh, but apparently metal doesn't conduct souls. Go figure. This means your lightning is useless, but perhaps now that he's hurt you'll be able to get him.

"I know what you're thinking, and no, you still stand no chance." Scratch snarls at you as he retrieves his broom. "All you've done is anger me." He proves his point by flying at you across the room and knocking you sideways with the broom. The bristles come away bloody, and your glasses are shattered. "I'm afraid my hospitality is far past its breaking point."

You start to scramble for the door on all fours as he strides towards you. This guy is ridiculously good, and has a trump card to match yours. You have one option left to you. As he gets close you get to your feet and start to run. Scratch grabs your shoulder before you can get anywhere, and you spin to face him. You bring your hand, clenched in a fist, up to eye level as he raises his fist.

And you throw a handful of broken sunglasses in his eyes. Pixie dusted, motherfucker.

Scratch screams in agony as he reels backwards, and you run for the door. Your face is dripping blood everywhere, and your shoulder feels fractured. He's just blind and mad, and you've been around Terezi enough to know that's still plenty dangerous.

Doctor Scratch hears you move, and just to prove your point, throws himself at you with a roar and grabs you by the ankle. You trip, haul yourself that last step as Scratch fumbles at you, and grab the door, hauling it open.

And you come face to face with Rue Lalonde.

What.

The.

Fuck.

"Dirk sweetie, I'd forgotten what a lovely color your eyes were." She states simply, as though a murderous maniac wasn't clawing at your leg right now. Though he seems as dumbfounded as you are.

"Mrs. Lalonde?"

"Rue?"

"Doctor scratch." Rue's smile fades to a look that blows the locks off of the mental safe you keep your emotions in. You. Are. Terrified. And she's not even angry with you. She steps into the office to stand behind you, and plants her heel firmly into Doctor Scratch's face. His grip on your leg relents, and you stumble forward in surprise. "Dirk, go to the hill, Equius and Roxy are waiting for you already."

"Wait, what the fuck, why are you even here? What happened to Equius? Who's distracting the guards?"

"The guards are no longer aware of our presence." Rue says coldly, standing in her fighting stance as Scratch gets to his feet. "Equius has been injured again, the silly boy, but Roxy was able to get him out. And I've been here since shortly after Roxy left to follow you. I have spent the past three days deleting all troll data from the computer archives, as well as cleaning up the lab after you left it. The only troll DNA in the building now is the samples in your bag. This does mean that the prisoners are gone, sadly."

You take a moment to process all of this, and then realize she hasn't answered the question that's confusing you the most. "But why are you here?"

"I helped make you." Rue says with a small smile, looking back at you fondly. "I didn't want to interfere with your mission, since I prefer to let children grow on their own, but I did want to be here in case something went wrong. Like you walking into this office. Out of all of us, I am the one most responsible for everything, so call it atonement."

A loud explosion rings out, and you look back to see fire down the hallway, and a cloud of smoke through the hole left by the tank. Rue's smile becomes wicked as she elaborates. "Also, I wanted to make sure that when things were cleared up here it was done thoroughly this time. You really should go meet with the others, this facility will not last much longer I'm afraid!"

"You conniving witch!" Scratch hisses as he pulls glass from his face. "I should have killed you years ago when I had the chance!"

"Indeed." Rue pushes you out the door with a light touch, and you turn around in alarm. "Now it seems both of us are going to die here."

"What the fuck Lalonde, there's no way I'm leaving my best friend's mother to die fighting a maniac!"

"Dirk sweetie, tell my girls how sorry I am. And look after Roxy, I know how much she relies on you." Another explosion rings out from directly above you, and you throw yourself away from the doorway as the ceiling collapses, trapping Rue inside with Doctor Scratch.

* * *

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and you have been very busy. You've killed a person with your rifle, spent a good half hour sobbing over it, and had to help carry a troll twice your size out of a government facility while he bled all over you and muttered about suicide. Then your mom showed up, used some weird voidy thing to blind everyone in the complex, and went to find your best friend in the world, who neither you nor Equius have heard anything from all night.

But your mom is here now, so you finally feel like things are going to be all right. She saved you from Equius, she locked all her alcohol away when she found out you had a problem (not that that stopped you), she always has a way to help you in dangerous times.

The explosions are a bit unnerving though, you'll admit. Plus Equius is still bleeding everywhere despite your best attempts to patch him up. He seems convinced that he's disgracing himself by laying here not dying, which is a bunch of bullshit, but he made sure to get you both out of the facility so you think he's probably just being hard on himself for some weird troll thing. You make a mental note to ask Nepeta about that later. Whenever you meet her again.

"Strider, you are damaged." Equius' voice gets your attention, and you realize he's flashstepped behind you while you were busy watching the base. "It would seem this mission was a failure."

"Not completely." Dirk holds up his bag, determinedly keeping his back facing you, as you move to look at him. "I've got Aradia's DNA here. Hopefully it will be enough to clone her a new body."

"That is excellent news!" Equius seems thrilled in spite of himself, as you reach Dirk's side. His head's turned.

"Dirk, stop being an ass and let me see you," you snap as Dirk flinches and shows you his face and the mess of parallel cuts across the left side of his face. "Ohmygosh. Dirk, what happened to you?" You grab some bandages and start wrapping his face messily.

"Got hit by a broom." Dirk mutters as you try to bandage his face without covering his mouth and nose. "Other guy looks worse though. Think I blinded him."

"Well as long as you fucked him up." You finish the impromptu medical treatment and start looking around. "Anyways, where's mom? She should have caught up to us by now, right?"

Dirk flinches. You feel your stomach drop as he looks up to you, his eyes boring into you. He's not crying, but he looks… empty. "Roxy, your mom's not coming back."

You stare at him blankly. Then you slap him across the face. "That's not funny Dirk, what the fuck happened!" You stop and look at your hand, at the blood there. He should have dodged that; he would never let you hit him unless…

Unless he felt like he really deserved it.

"I failed, Roxy." Dirk's voice wavers as he says it, though his face remains blank. "That's what happened. Your mom just gave her life to save me. And I am so… so… fucking… sorry." Dirk's stoic face cracks as he cries, blood leaking from his bandages, tears dripping from his face, his whole body held stiff as he shakes in a silent sob.

You black out.

Notes:

I had to cut content out of this. A whole two povs had to get taken off of the end of this chapter, because the Dirk and Scratch confrontation just got out of hand. And I regret nothing. The ending to this one hit me hard as I was finishing it as well, so it's probably for the best. Particularly Dirk crying, because that was something I debated the whole time I was writing this, and the fact that it's Dirk crying makes it all the more effective in my eyes.

I know some people will be disappointed that Dirk got his ass handed to him here, but as much as I wanted him to be the ultimate badass he is in Homestuck, things had to happen this way for the story to get anywhere. He tries to play it all cool, but this is the sort of thing that hurts no matter how stoic you try to be.

Rue Lalonde is the sort of character in Homestuck that has a great deal of significance that you don't find out until later. She knows what's going on better than most, and like the other guardians in Homestuck, the full extent of their knowledge is a complete mystery to us fans. Some have gone so far as to theorize that Mom Lalonde is in part behind the creation of the game itself. I can't say I am a supporter of that theory, but she's certainly behind things in this one.


End file.
